You’ve just started preparing for your learners. Or maybe you’ve been driving a while and still find it frustrating and frazzling. Either way, you’re a nervous driver.
There are plenty of situations that make a nervous driver. Maybe a previous accident. Perhaps you’ve ridden with bad drivers that make you nervous. Or you could be like my daughter Allie, who has a few functioning issues she’s had to overcome.
In this post, Allie is going to give some insights and tips for driving or simply relating with your struggles and worries as a nervous driver.
Hi, I'm a Nervous Driver aka Neuroatypical Driver
Hi, I’m Allie, and I’m neuroatypical. That’s a big fancy word for not having normal cognitive/mental functions. Autism and other mental disorders fit under this umbrella term. I have many different disorders; autism, anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and others, it’s easier to use the umbrella term neuroatypical.
I am twenty-three and have worked hard on learning to cope and function in our busy world. As society works on acceptance and accessibility, there are always going to be aspects of life that simply won’t or can’t facilitate those with disorders. The solution is to work on creating systems and tricks for us to overcome certain hurdles.
HURDLES FOR NERVOUS DRIVERS
One of my major hurdles growing up was driving. I didn’t get my license till I was eighteen and felt shame for the delayed start and being a nervous driver. As I look back, I realize, when it came to driving, I was two years behind mentally. When others were getting their license at sixteen, I was mentally fourteen years old. It took me longer to become ready to drive, but I did.
In addition to the delay, there are many aspects of driving that are difficult for the neurodivergent that the average person doesn’t think about. “It should come naturally,” they think. Well, it doesn’t. Parents or teachers often think they’ve covered it. Perhaps it wasn’t said in enough words. There are many aspects that aren’t explained or written down. I will now take the time to share. Here are my 5 tips for nervous drivers.
Tip #1: Stop Lights for Nervous Drivers
These are the worst for nervous driving. When I was learning, I thought these guys were completely unpredictable. Randomly, the light will turn yellow, and I better make that split second decision to stop or go. In my mind, if I got it wrong, it was game over; you DIE! Well, it’s not so dramatic. There’s actually a pretty simple and reliable way of knowing if the light is going to turn yellow soon.
The Crosswalk Light!
Granted, the pedestrian lights are different in every country and city. Some have words, other have figures. There might be numbers that countdown or the hand flashes. I’m going to describe what I experience in Utah, USA. Observe what the lights are like where you live and use them to help you.
As you’re approaching a light, look for the pedestrian signal attached to the pole.
- If the little green (looks white to me) guy is showing, the light is gonna stay green; you are safe to go on through.
- If the light is the red hand with numbers, check the count. Do your best to judge the distance.
- If you think you have enough time, keep going.
- If it’ll reach zero (or it’s flashing) by the time you reach where the left turning lane starts, go through. The light will turn yellow, but there’s not enough space to stop, so just go through the intersection.
- If it’ll reach zero before you get to where the turning lane begins, you know it’ll turn yellow, and you’ll need to stop.
It seemed so obvious when I finally learned this but hey, it wasn’t in any manual I studied. It didn’t click the times my mom mentioned, “Watch the crosswalk light.”
I can’t tell you enough how much anxious driving this eliminated. It became more predictable and consistent. City driving became easier. Watching the traffic at the intersection became possible because all my attention wasn’t on the light. I could check for pedestrians and red-light runners. It seems so obvious, and maybe you already knew this. Can you imagine how it would feel not knowing that? Nerve racking!
TIP #2: COMFORT IS KEY FOR NERVOUS DRIVERS
This isn’t delved into enough, I feel like. It’s often covered in the manual as a single sentence bullet point, “Make sure you feel comfortable, and your settings are adjusted to your liking.” Well, what does that mean? Like specifically, what are all the things I should adjust? So much nervous driving can be nullified by making sure you physically feel comfortable behind the wheel. It doesn’t matter if the next driver has to adjust their settings. Do what you need to to get fully comfortable. These are the things I adjust:
- Windows: Seems like an odd one. It’s important but often overlooked. Make sure your windows are clean. Front, back, and sides. The little specks and splotches are visual static that can subconsciously overwhelm. I wash my windows every time I fill up.
- Seat: Should be close enough to touch both pedals but not so close you have to lift your whole leg to switch between. You should grab the wheel without reaching but still be able to fully extend your arms.
Mirrors: Without turning your head too much, you should be able to see to the right, left, and behind your vehicle. If you’re a nervous driver, you should be able to see everything comfortably.- Steering Wheel: Yeah, you can adjust it! Usually, underneath the steering column is a lever. The wheel can be raised or lowered and, in some vehicles, brought closer or farther away. Whatever allows you to sit in your seat with your arms comfortable is the right setting for you. Also make sure you can see your speedometer at a glance.
- Seat belt: Another oddball. Seat belts these days can be adjusted for height. At the top of the belt, you can adjust it to not cut into your neck or shoulder. It should rest comfortably across the middle of your shoulder for optimum safety. Here’s how one type of belt adjusts. They’re fairly similar.
TIP #3: GETTING GAS
Another uncovered but essential part of driving. When I ran low on gas, dread would fill me as I was always unsure of what I should and shouldn’t do. Each time I felt like I was missing something, forgetting something, or doing something wrong. It’s actually really simple. The process is consistent, and if things go awry, there are reliable ways to course correct.
Which Side?
First things first, which side of your car is the gas cap and which type of gas? You can always visually check, but on your dash (in newer cars) there should be a little gas pump symbol with an arrow pointing to one side. That arrow tells you which side your cap is on. If you’re driving something older, the pump hose might indicate which side.
Knowing which gas type is quite easy, as well. It’s most likely regular gas and not the green diesel. But you can always check on the inside of the gas cap flap. (That is quite fun isn’t it? Gas cap flap! I keep saying it over and over, and I giggle a little every time. Gas cap flap ooh! What a delight!…. Mmghmm…. anyway) The cap itself might have a label that tells you which type of gas. If it’s not there, you can check the owner’s manual, or google your VIN# and find the specs for your vehicle. This will also tell you if it matters which grade you should use. Don’t worry too much. I pick the one I can afford.
Order of Operations
- Park at the pump or wait in line till you can. It is fine to wait behind someone as long as you aren’t blocking the way through for other drivers.
- Turn off the car, open the gas cap flap, and get your card in hand.
- Open the cap. Some cars don’t have caps, the gas cap flap (I can’t stop) plugs the hole.
- Select the appropriate buttons and insert your card when asked. This is where things get unpredictable. The prompts aren’t always the same, and the buttons are often worn down. It’s usually something to the effect of inserting a member card if you have one, select payment debit or credit, insert/swipe card, select the grade of gas, and grab the nozzle.
- Grab and insert nozzle. NOTE: a diesel nozzle will NOT fit in a regular tank, if that makes you feel better. There’s no click or snap into place, just put it as far into the gas tank as you can and squeeze the trigger. Take some time to figure out how to fix the lever down into place so you can let go, or just hold on until the pump shuts off. There’s an automatic shut off so you don’t have to worry about overflowing.
- Tap off the nozzle in the gas tank to get any droplets out, put it back and then put your cap back on and close the flap with a click.
- Receipt? The pump will ask and you can get one or not. No big deal to leave it and go.
Clean Your Windshield and Windows
Sometime before, during, or after you fill up, take time to clean your windshields. It’s a little thing but it’s so nice to see things clearly.
Paying Inside
Say your card won’t work for some reason, or you need to pay with cash. Easy peasy, I promise. Find the number of your pump up above or on the side of the pump cover. Go into the station and let the cashier know you’d like to pay for gas on pump number *insert pump number* with *insert payment option: card or cash*. After the transaction, your pump should have moved onto the next prompt like select grade or lift nozzle. Then just proceed as normal. If you paid with cash and your car fills up before it used all the money — like say you gave a $20 bill and the car filled up at $17.50 — just go back in and ask for your change. They’ll give you back your $2.50.
Ask For Help
If things ever go wrong or you just can’t figure something out, don’t be afraid to go in and ask for help. It’s usually really simple. One time I was confused on why it wasn’t giving me my card back. I went in and the lady kindly let me know it was a problem the machine was having, and she went out and helped get it out. See? No big deal. Just ask for help.
TIP #4: TURNING
Now this one is not as lengthy to go over. I want you to know you can take your time. Like always. Not just when you’re learning but like for as long as you drive. Forever. When you need to turn, take the time you need to turn safely. I remember being so on edge when I needed to turn, thinking everyone behind me was furious that I dared to be in front of them. I’d gun it too fast and feel like I was Tokyo drifting into the street. If I need to turn left and it’s a really busy road with lots of lights, I’ll turn right instead so I can get to a light where I can u-turn safely. In my opinion it’s better to adjust your directions to turn left at a light. If I have to backtrack a little, it’s worth it to feel (and be) safe and sure. Why be a nervous driver if you don’t have to?
I will say this — sometimes, I do take too long to turn. I do. And the person behind me gets impatient and honks. Guess what? I’m fine. Eventually I turn, and the person gets where they’re going, and the day goes. I don’t let their honk affect me. If I take a turn I don’t feel comfortable with, I could get in an accident, and then I would be inconveniencing a lot more people than just one person. So just turn when you feel good about it. Take your time. Don’t worry about the person behind you.
TIP #5: ELIMINATE DISTRACTIONS
This is the tip I feel the most passionate about. In 2021, distracted driving claimed the lives of 3,522 people. I think this applies to ALL drivers but none more so than new drivers and nervous drivers – neurodivergent or otherwise. Your brain can only truly focus on one task at a time. To feel comfortable while driving, that should be the only thing you’re doing. Switching between two or more things isn’t multitasking. You’re doing one or the other. If you are nervous about driving, don’t throw in another thing for your brain to juggle.
Imagine it like this. You’re trying to tread water in a churning sea, struggling to keep your head above water. Now imagine somebody hands you a delicious cookie to eat. Yeah, in normal circumstances this cookie would be delicious, but right now is not the time. You can try and eat that cookie while swimming, but it’s not fun. You keep dunking down and drinking a bunch of seawater. The cookie isn’t very good either. It’s a nice cookie but right now it’s more of a distraction than a delight. This is what your brain goes through when you multitask while driving. It’s too much, and you’re making it harder on yourself. Drive undistracted.
Covering the simple stuff; if you’re chatting with someone while you’re driving and it’s too much at the moment, ask them to hold on while you focus. It’s not rude. If the music or media isn’t to your liking, wait for a light or turn it off until you can fix it. Don’t try to press a bunch of buttons or get your phone to change it. Just wait a bit. If something is sliding around in your car and it’s bad, pull over and fix it. It’ll take two seconds. Don’t try and fix it while driving. And don’t do your makeup or read a book either.
Now the big thing, the number one offender of distracting drivers. The phone. I just decided — period, no matter what — I’m not on my phone in any way when I drive. When I get in the car, I turn on the music on my phone, and that is it. The phone gets set aside and stays there till I turn the car off. And it’s the best decision I’ve ever made for my mental health. I drive confidently now. It helped me not be a nervous driver the most. I don’t answer calls or texts. I definitely don’t go on social media. I don’t have time to check the Gram, ok? I’m driving! Driving is engaging enough.
I don’t even get on my phone at stop lights. Some people reason: “I’m stopped at a light. I’m not driving. It’s fine.” Here’s why I don’t get on my phone even at lights.
Looking at my phone forces my brain to switch gears when I need it to stay in the groove of driving with confidence.
My brain has warmed up, it’s stretched, it’s running this race, and it’s found a steady pace. I’m not about to ask it to stop and play chess for two minutes. It would throw it off its game entirely. I don’t want to do that. I know it sounds dramatic, but it’s honestly a very minor thing. I sit at the light and enjoy my music and watch for the light to turn green. A perk of that is I don’t ever miss the light turning green, and I don’t have to have that awkward moment of holding up the line of cars behind me or … even worse … having someone honk at me.
THAT'S A WRAP
Those are my 5 tips for nervous drivers. They seem simple enough, maybe even obvious, but I think they’re worth spelling out. I hope they help you feel confident behind the wheel. At the very least, I hope you don’t feel alone as a nervous driver. It’s normal, and it’s totally overcomeable. (That’s a word now.) Give it time.
It took me twice as long to learn how to drive, and twice as long again to get comfortable or confident. Even now I’m a nervous driver at times. I still hate the freeway and will double my trip time to avoid it. See? I’ve still got lots of growing to do. I give myself the grace to keep practicing at my pace. You give yourself that same grace. Thanks!
YOUR TURN
Are you a nervous driver? What age did you get your license? Do you fall into the category of a neurodivergent? What are some of the driving struggles you’ve had, and how have you overcome them?
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