Sometimes our life gets out of control, like weeds in a garden. Life choices either contribute to the weeds or help get rid of them.
In this blog we’ll talk about ways of getting rid of the distractions, addictions, habits, or laziness that hinders our growth. Self-love requires us to get rid of the items that are sucking the life out of us.
THE GARDEN
Disclaimer: I am not a therapist, psychologist, or any other licensed medical professional. I am a woman who has been through a lot, seen a bunch of crap, and observed many different people and situations in my life. I have had a LOT of weeds, and I have produced a LOT of flowers. Please take this blog as the life experiences and information that it is. My own.
I love analogies. As I worked in my garden this year, I saw a similarity between what was happening there and in my personal life. I’d like to share it with you.
Our life is like a garden. It starts out as a blank space of ground. We might come into a life that is rich and fertile, or one that is rocky and needs some work. Regardless of how it starts, every single garden (life) must be purposefully tended if we want to produce a harvest we can be proud of. Our life choices are like tending that garden.
AMAZING PLANS
My garden this year was going to be amazing! I was very purposeful in April planting indoor what I wanted to grow outside come summer. Yellow squash, zucchini, cucumbers, cantaloupe, okra. I watered and tended. In May I transferred them outdoors to acclimate. In the fall I worked the soil and added fertilizer and leaves to decompose all winter. Come spring and early summer, I added more nutrients and got the rows all ready. I bought tomato plants and two kinds of peppers.
June came. That’s the best planting time in my part of Arizona. I got four rows of corn in and planted everything in the well-thought-out spots of the garden, including two huge rows of bush green beans. My daughter was a great help. I made twine ropes for the vines to climb up. In two weeks, I was going to plant more corn. Great choices and I was excited for the future harvest.
OUT OF CONTROL
Then life hit. I was watering but did not have time for anything else. I didn’t get the rest of the corn in. My ME/CFS was kicking my hiney. I was busy with my blog and resting, and family and resting, and puppies and resting. The weeds were growing like crazy. I asked for help, but everyone else was busy, and my request was way too vague. I had help from my small grandsons — if you know what that means.
The squash wasn’t growing, the cantaloupe died, and all but one of the cucumber died. I couldn’t even see the okra, and thought it had died. No green beans in sight. The garden was out of control. Likewise, my life was a bit out of control. I needed to make some life choices and garden choices if I wanted to salvage my sanity and the harvest.
LIFE IS LIKE THAT SOMETIMES
No matter how great your life is — the steps you’ve taken to ensure everything goes well, or the choices you thought were acceptable — STUFF happens. A habit we weren’t aware of sneaks in. That choice that was wonderful one minute turns out to cause heartache another. Something that’s out of our control forces us to make new choices. It’s really hard to share personal stuff on the internet when the whole world is going to judge you. I also believe that sharing your ups AND downs helps strengthen others. So here goes that leap of faith.
I’ve struggled with depression — post partum as well as seasonal and from trauma — my entire life. A brother committed suicide, the next year my parents divorced, I developed ME/CFS, children were born, we lost everything in 2009 when the economy crashed, and the list goes on. I don’t need to list every traumatic or hard thing in my life.
Recently, I left the religion I grew up with and believed strongly in for 51 years. My husband and I decided to not get divorced but work through the struggle. We’ve had several REALLY hard foster children in the last two children. All these things have created some life choices that have to be dealt with or changed.
LIFE CHOICES TO GAIN CONTROL
The morning I woke up to leave on a getaway, I decided that before I left, the garden HAD to be reigned in. I got up really early and mowed the lawn. Then I grabbed my gloves, a hand rake, a pad for my knees and started in.
It was hot. It was hard. It made me want to cry. After two hours of hard work, I found four okra plants I didn’t know were still growing. All the tomatoes and peppers I planted were going to be okay. The life-choking weeds were gone out of all three rows. There was still plenty of weeds to deal with, but the area that needed it most was now under control.
The getaway created the space I needed to see what I needed to do with my life. I finished filling out the questionnaire I had started on Better Help and submitted it. Because I couldn’t really afford it, they worked with me til I had a payment plan that was doable.
My first appointment was hard. It made me cry. After several weeks of hard work, I found some hope again. I’ve made medical appointments to address my physical illness. Plans and strategies have been put in place that are creating better communication in my marriage. I’m able to let go of some guilt and own a better outlook. The therapist is helping me set some boundaries and let go of bad habits. There are still plenty of weeds to deal with, but the area that need it most is now under control.
STEPS
Since weeds are unavoidable, I think the most important step to rid the weeds that have been created by either poor life choices or the failure to make life choices is by being honest. We can’t keep telling ourselves that everything is fine. We have plenty of time. The weeds aren’t that bad. We must decide we don’t like the weeds and that no matter how hard it is, they MUST be pulled out.
Strap on the sun hat, grab the gloves, find whatever tools it’s going to take, and get to work. What tools?We need a listening ear that’s disconnected from our situation but can give the advice we need to hear. That can be a friend, a coworker, a family member. Sometimes we can do it alone. At other times it takes help from a professional who has tools we don’t. You might need medication for a while, like I do. (I’m going to try Cymbalta and see how it goes.) Regardless, find a way to get the help.
There are many steps to pulling weeds. Positive self-talk can be fertilizer helps the flowers grow. But negative self-talk is the weeds that choke out personal growth. Pull the weeds of self-doubt and burn them.
PREVENTION
Without a doubt, the best idea is to prevent weeds from taking over our life garden. Honest evaluation. Own our emotions. Communicate effectively. Recognize bad habits. Get help early before the weeds are choking us to death.
I’m on a good path now. However, there’s still a lot of weeding. I won’t stop just because things are better. That would be like only weeding the garden once. If you have a yard or a garden, you know it’s a continual process. I’m tired. I wish it were easy, but it’s not. Writing helps me. My therapist is encouraging me to share my journey to self love and healthy life choices with you. It is helping me. I hope it helps you know you’re not alone in this garden of life.
YOUR TURN
I know we can help each other on this journey. If you feel comfortable, please share.
What weeding tools do you use? Is there a source besides Better Help that you’ve tried, if so tell us about them. If you’ve ever been on medication, how did that go for you? When you realize different life choices need to be made, what is your strategies for tackling that?
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