Pumpkins are an integral part of Fall decorating. These diy decorative pumpkins do double duty this year for Halloween and Thanksgiving.

In this blog, I’ll show you how I pulled together a variety of fall items I had from last year, and made these classy diy decorative pumpkins that last all season long.

DECORATIVE PUMPKINS FOR HALLOWEEN AND THANKSGIVING

I like decorations that can do two jobs. Storage for decorations is tight, and the budget is usually tighter. So when I found these wooden pumpkin cutouts on Chalk Couture last year, I bought several sets. I just never got around to making them.

It’s time!

Here’s what I used, but I believe in being super flexible. I’ll mention some options you can use, as well.

Supplies

• Pumpkin coutouts
• acrylic paint
• masking tape
• silk screen transfers
• chalk paste
• squeegee
• fall foliage and twine or ribbon or whatever you desire to decorate with
• hot glue and glue gun
• sealer
• paper towels

Wood pumpkin cutouts

I used three diy decorative pumpkins because I had three, but my inspiration piece for the saying pumpkins only had two. Mine measure 10″, 7″, and 4.5″ in height.

One works if that’s what you have. If you’re handy and can cut them out yourself, FAB! If you need to buy them, check out Michaels has 6 inch online. You can also buy thin wooden cutouts and hang them on the wall instead of standing them on a shelf. I wouldn’t be surprised if you can find options at Dollar Tree.

Acrylic Paint

My wood was already painted white, so if yours is bare wood, you’ll need white, orange, yellow, and green. My shades were Jack-o-Lantern Orange, Kings Gold, and I mixed my own green using limeade, jubilee green, and a drop of black because I didn’t have the color of green I wanted. Choose whatever shades make you glad. You could also choose a soft purple or a blue. Those are very popular for pumpkins, as well. You can find acrylic paint at Walmart or any craft store.

Masking Tape

This is for making your straight line that divides your two paint colors.

Jack-o-Lantern transfers

These are silk screen templates. I’m a distributor for Chalk Couture, so that’s who I use. Their collection changes all the time. Sadly, they don’t have any in stock right now, but you can find them on ebay.

Sayings transfers

I have a lot, and the thing I love about Chalk Couture is that you can mix and match anything. You can look on Chalk Couture’s Lookbook for their seasonal transfers, as well as the various categories. The “blessing” I pulled from Fall Blessings, “Grateful” from a Thanksgiving transfer, and “thanks” from their Appreciate It Project. The center divider was from “Bloom”. Ebay has a lot of their discontinued transfers. I reuse them over and over and over, so rest assured you’ll use them for more than one project. It’s the creative part I love most.

Chalk Paste

Of course, I buy mine from Chalk Couture, but I’ve noticed there are other brands on Amazon. I used black and brown (bark).

Squeegee

There are small squeegees for spreading the chalk paste. You can get them from CC or Amazon.

Fall foliage.

A lot of my fall foliage comes from Dollar Tree. In fact, I think everything I used was from Dollar Tree, even the twine.

Hot glue and glue gun.

I have so many of these. I prefer the kind with the trigger.

Sealer

I prefer a mat finish on my projects, but your sealer can be any sheen you prefer.

Directions

Paint the front side of your pumpkin white. When it’s dry, masking tape off the center of one side of the pumpkin. Paint one half of the front, as well as the sides, of your pumpkin(s). After it dries, paint the other side. For mine, I liked the woodgrain to show through. So after it dried a little bit, I took a paper towel and wiped off a little of the paint. You can also water down your paint a little so it’s not so thick.

When your paint is dry, remove the tape. I added a little brown wash to my Thanksgiving side to make it a little more aged/rustic. Add some water to your brown acrylic paint and brush it across your surface. Wait a minute or so for it to soak in, then wipe off as much as you want.

You can hand paint a design down the center or use a transfer design. I think leaves would look awesome. too.

Using the transfers and chalk paste, apply your sayings. I did mine vertical. After about five minutes, they should be dry. Flip over and apply your jack-o-lantern faces. The great thing about chalk couture chalk paste is that it wipes off MOST surfaces if you mess up.

For more information about how to “chalk” and a video with a demonstration, click here.

Seal your project, so the paste will not wipe off, before proceeding.

Decorate with your fall foliage and twine/ribbon. I like to lay several choices out first, just the way I want them, then move on to using the hot glue to secure them in place. I put the twine on last to hide any places where the foliage meets or where the glue is goopy

DISPLAY

I have a million shelves in my house. There’s one particular spot that I reserve for my seasonal chalking projects. Three shelves, three pumpkins. I like that I can split them up and spread the festive feeling through several rooms. Whether you have one, or multiple, I hope you’ve enjoyed this and will soon make your own diy decorative pumpkins. And the best part? When Halloween is over, you flip them around for Thanksgiving!

VIDEO

I am in the process of putting a demonstration video together. Stay tuned if you’re a visual learner.

YOUR TURN

Do you have any questions about the instructions? I’m happy to elaborate, so comment and let me know. Have you ever used Chalk Couture before? What’s your favorite type of fall craft?

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I never understood why meatloaf got a bad rap. The meatloaf I grew up eating was fabulous.

When I went away to college, Momma showed me the basics of making great meatloaf, so no matter what seasonings you chose, you always had a great meal.

In this blog, I’ll show you those meatloaf basics, as well as tips for making it for a crowd, a busy couple, or a college student.

“MEATLOAF IS GROSS”

I have heard this more times than I can count. Not from my kids, mind you, because they never had bad meatloaf. But foster kids, neighbor kids, guests, and my kids reporting to me the comments from their friends BEFORE trying my recipe.

If you look online, you’ll see nearly every comment says something like, “Meatloaf is only good if it’s done right.” I ordered meatloaf at a restaurant once, and it was this slice of thick, heavy meat with no seasonings or sauce. So let’s look at how to make great meatloaf regardless of what flavors you like. If you’re in a hurry and don’t need all the details yet, click here to go straight to my basic recipe.

FIVE BASIC MEATLOAF INGREDIENTS

I have a favorite version of meatloaf, but basically, you can make any combination of flavors with the five basics.

• 1 1/2 lb. ground Meat
• 2 cups dry
• 1 cup wet
• Seasonings
• 2 eggs

That’s it. That’s meatloaf. Okay, it’s a little more complicated than that, but not much. I’m sure you’re saying, “What do you mean dry? Wet? Which seasonings?” I’ll get to that, but just realize, you can make whatever flavor profile you want. AND you can include some add-ins. Basic tomato and onion? Check. Spicy southwest? Check. Asian? Check. Smokey BBQ? Check. When I say seasonings, it CAN’T be just salt and pepper. Well, it can, but then it’s going to be that gross meatloaf I was talking about earlier.

Cooking by the Seat of Your Pants

If you’ve seen any of my recipes, you know I was taught to cook by “feel”. Momma cooked by throwing stuff together and tasting. After a while, you just kinda know. So I’m going to give you some basic measurements, but rest assured they are not steadfast, do-this-or-else type directions. I think the biggest error is when people don’t add enough seasonings to their dishes.

Be brave.

Let’s go through each of these five ingredients:

Ground Meat

You can use whatever ground meat you want. Ground beef, venison, elk, turkey, opossum, whatever. What makes MY meatloaf fabulous is that I ALWAYS use 1/2 a pound of ground sausage. ALWAYS. We’re a hunting family, so often I combine the ground sausage with a pound of ground elk or venison, and it’s not a whole lot different than beef. I use whatever is handy. We like wild game because it’s lean.

If your meat has a lot of fat, it is going to pool around the edges of your pan when it’s cooked. I prefer using a lower-fat content ground meat. Sometimes you can afford what you can afford, though. So don’t be surprised by the fat. Just pour it off after cooking.

Dry

The dry ingredient can be whole or instant oats, leftover cooked rice, crushed up saltines, breadcrumbs, quinoa, you name it. You can’t use uncooked rice or quinoa, though. It has to be cooked. I love this because it’s so flexible with whatever I have on hand. Sometimes you just have leftovers (usually rice) in the fridge that need a home. My most often used ingredient is whole oats, and it’s the favorite of my girls when they make it.

Wet

You can combine whatever wet ingredients make you glad. I grab my glass measuring cup and add whatever flavors I want till it’s at 1 cup. My standard mixture is 1/4 cup(ish) Worcestershire, ketchup, and bbq sauce (Sweet Baby Rays is the bomb). Sometimes I’ll throw in some mustard or liquid smoke. If you want a kick, add tabasco.

The sky really is the limit, though. You can stick to basic ketchup at the beginning. That’s all my mom used even though she’s the one that encouraged me to try various combinations.

If southwest is your thing, then use salsa with an add-in of 4 to 7 oz of green chiles (standard American can sizes as of this writing).

Are you a fan of Ranch dressing flavor? Use that and maybe add a tad bit of sour cream and milk. Don’t make it too watery.

Is Asian your thing? Then make your meatloaf with Teriyaki and soy sauce. Oyster sauce?

Italian? Spaghetti sauce and Italian dressing.

Honestly, don’t be afraid to try new things. Worse case is it won’t be your favorite, and you’ll know you don’t want to try that again.

Seasonings

Naturally, these seasonings are going to compliment whatever flavor profile you’re using. If you’re in a rush, (what moms aren’t?) you can throw in an envelope of onion soup mix. If you want to make your own, I like this recipe because it doesn’t call for any sugar or ingredients I don’t have on hand. I’d use the packet a lot more often, but I can’t remember to put it on my shopping list. Hold on while I add it to my shopping list right now. (No, seriously.)

My standard seasoning combination is:

• 1/4 cup dry onion flakes
• 1/2 tsp onion powder
• 1 or 2 tsp garlic powder
• 1/2 tsp celery salt
• 1 tsp salt or seasoned salt

Remember that these are approximates, because I usually cup my hand and pour what looks right into it. Or even dump right into the bowl. I’d dare say it’s even more onion flakes than that.

I might add some parsley. I’ve used Mrs. Dash. I have a Monterrey seasoning mix I like. You can use Italian dressing mix. These are all a very basic seasoning profile. If you like stronger garlic flavor, add more. I do. You can also use fresh.

For southwest, add chili powder or cayenne. How hot do you like it? Chili flakes. Paprika.

When I’m doing Asian flare, I add ginger to my standard seasonings.

If I want more smokey flavor to go with my BBQ, I might add chipotle seasoning.

Again, don’t be afraid to open your cabinet and go for it.

Eggs

I always use two eggs. I’ve seen recipes with one, and when I was low once, I only used a single egg. But it did not turn out well. It was way too crumbly. Egg is the binder that helps hold it together.

Optional Meatloaf Add-Ins

If you’re trying to get more vegetables in your kids, meatloaf is a great place to “hide” them. Corn and green chilies goes great with southwest. You can finely grate some carrots and throw in. Same with zucchini, but you’ll need to squeeze the liquid off the grated zucchini, because it’s water content will give you mushy meatloaf.

DIRECTIONS

This is easy. Throw it all in a bowl and mix it together. Wash your hands first, of course, but just squeeze and squish and fold together. You can use a potato masher or any other mixing spoon if that grosses you out. But I find that hands work best to get everything incorporated. Kids LOVE to help with this part.

Large Family

If you’re cooking for 6 to 12 people, I recommend placing the meat mixture in a 9×13 or 9×9 cake pan. For easier cleanup, you can line it with tinfoil. I don’t really care for this, simply because sometimes a piece of foil gets served along with the meatloaf. Ick. I don’t like picking it out. Do NOT pack the meat down. This makes it very dense. I also don’t spread from edge to edge. I form my loaf/mound a finger-width away from the edges. This makes for better coverage of sauce and some crispy edges that my family loves.

Generously spread — or squirt in a pattern — the sauce of your choice. (I use both BBQ and ketchup for traditional.) You can leave it “naked” if you like, but it’s not going to be as good. Cover with foil to retain moisture if desired. (I do sometimes, but not usually.) Bake in oven at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for 45 minutes.

Small Family

If you’re cooking for 4 to 6 people, you can divide the meat between two loaf pans (hence the name, meat loaf). As above, don’t pack down, make a nice mound, and spread the sauce of your choice then cover in foil if desired. Bake in oven at 350 degrees for 30 minutes. You can cook both and put one in the freezer (wrapped in foil) after it’s cooled. This is the fastest method for having a second meal. You can also cook one and wrap the other in foil and stick it in the freezer. It’s a little fresher this way, but you have to remember to pull it out of the freezer and thaw in the fridge or with the microwave if you used a glass dish.

Meatloaf for Couples, Singles, or Quick Meals

When I need made-ahead meals, this is a great method. It’s a great choice for having single servings that are ready within fifteen minutes. You can obviously serve a large family this way, too. It’s fun to top these little meatloaf cupcakes with mashed potatoes using a piping bag, to resemble real cupcakes.

Divide your meat into a cupcake tin that’s been sprayed with cooking spray. Because they’re so small and my meat is very lean, I’ve found this makes it much easier to get them out. This recipe will make 12 large single servings. In my prep for this blog, I made 12 medium servings and put the extra in a mini loaf pan. This serving is so small it is going to fill the entire cupcake space. Spread with sauce of your choice. Bake at 350 degrees for 15 to 20 minutes.

After you’ve baked the meatloaf and eaten what you want for that meal, cool the remainder. Put the meatloaf in a gallon-sized zip lock freezer bag. I like to write the date and food on the bag so when I forget about it, I’m not playing “Mystery Meal” later. Place in freezer. As a college student it was terrific to grab one out and thaw it in the microwave, then heat for about a minute or two. I also did this when preparing for a baby to come. I needed easy meal choices.

RECIPE

Ingredients

Directions

Mix all ingredients together thoroughly in a large bowl. Form meat into a mound in a 9×13 or 9×9 pan, keeping a finger-width between the meatloaf and the side of the pan. Generously spread or squirt ketchup and BBQ sauce over the top. Cover with foil if desired. Bake at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for 45 minutes or until done. Makes 12 servings.

meatloaf to the rescue!

I made this recipe several weeks ago for this blog and since there was only three of us eating, the rest went in the freezer. I forgot about it. This past weekend, I had an ME crash. I was on the third day of being down, and although my husband was in charge of dinner that night, he had a very long day and overslept when he should have started. It was almost 8 pm when I remembered the meatloaf. I can’t tell you the relief!

I defrosted the entire bag using the automatic defrost for 1 lb of meat then reheated five of the eight “cupcakes” on a plate at 70% power so they wouldn’t get tough. There was leftover baby carrots from a veggie tray, so I steamed them, draining and adding butter and sugar to glaze. I cut up a crookneck squash that desperately needed to be used and sauteed it, adding Mrs. Dash. It was great, and the entire meal was ready in about 20 minutes. What a life-saver!!

I hope this meatloaf basics blog becomes a staple in making your life easier, no matter what phase you’re in.

Your turn

Meatloaf eaters are in two camps — Love It or Hate It. What camp are you in? Have you tried a recipe similar to this before? If you have a great meatloaf recipe, how is it different than this one? Do you think you’ll try some of the variations? Which flavor profile is your favorite?

Getting homework done is a battle. Don’t lose the war by forgetting to turn it in! In this post we’ll talk about strategies for remembering homework – regardless of the grade level. Each tactic has multiple suggestions, so there’s more like 27+ ideas. Have fun!

THE WAR OF HOMEWORK

Remembering homework feels like a never-ending war. There’s plenty of debate about it. What age children should be given homework? Should there be a time limit? I’ve been on every single side of this battle. In the end, there’s going to be homework of some sort. Think of it as a great way to stay connected with your child and what’s going on at school.

It seems to me that the biggest obstacle is tied to one word.

REMEMBER.

Did they remember to do it? If they did it, did they remember to put it in their backpack? Once they’re at school, did they remember to turn it in? The following are 9 strategies for remembering homework that I’ve used over the years to help my kids (natural and foster). Each approach is a tool. You can use one, or several.

Here are the tools:

• Declutter
• Marker
• Jewelry
• Homework friend
• Planner
• Electronic Reminders
• Visual home cues
• Consequences

STRATEGIES FOR REMEMBERING

Declutter

Most of the time, when a student has trouble remembering homework, a cluttered backpack is to blame. I can’t even begin to count the number of times my kid has insisted they don’t have it — or they already turned it in — only to find it crammed in the bottom of their backpack, so crumpled it’s nearly unrecognizable. It doesn’t matter if it’s the kindergartner or the senior in high school.

Going through your grade schooler’s backpack once a week and helping them organize it will set them up for success all year. Hopefully they’ll get the hang of it by the time they’re in junior high. By then, reminding them to do it themselves should be enough. (But not always.)

Some people are simply more organized than others. If you add ADHD or other neuroatypical issues to the mix, you’ll need more time, patience, and strategies to keep organization a top priority. Thursdays are a great cleanout day. If there are any missing assignments that pop up, there’s still time to turn them in. And the next week will start with a clean slate — or should I say bag.

Marker

I have to admit that this is the very first tactic I employed. Child #2 could not remember to turn homework in his fourth-grade year. I was expecting Child #5, we’d moved into a 900 sq ft cabin, and . . . well . . . let’s just say it was a hectic time. Using the black sharpie we wrote on moving boxes with was the easy route. In desperation, I wrote a letter H for “homework” on the back of his writing hand.

He was concerned about kids teasing him about it, so I told him to tell them it was for Hunt — our last name. It worked. You don’t have to use an H. Anything that triggers them to remember homework will do the trick: a flower, a skull, a baseball, a frog, a heart. Reinforce that when they see it, they should turn in their homework. When they get home, you simply wash off the marker if they turned in the homework. HINT: Great way to check if it got done. “Hey, did you turn in your math? Can we wash this off now?”

Washable tattoos* might be a fun reminder, as well.

An important point to remember is that if they become too familiar with the reminder, they grow numb to it.

*I do not receive compensation for any products I recommend or show.

Folders

This is by far, the most effective strategy I’ve employed. In elementary grades, they used one folder for homework. When they got to junior high and high school, they could choose to use a different color for each class if that made it easier. Here are several ways to use folders:

One folder

On the left-hand side, I write TO DO. On the right, I write DONE. The assigned homework gets put on the left-hand side and when they’ve completed it, they put it on the right. Some teachers use this method, and I’m home free.

Two folders

For children who struggle with organization, they may not be good with putting the homework on the correct side of the folder. Sometimes a folder for TO DO and a separate for DONE works better. Color coding works great too: RED = stop and do your homework. GREEN = go turn it in.

Multiple class folders

Some of my kids liked to have a homework folder for each class in junior or high school. Others simply used one. Problems arise when only one folder gets too full, and they forget to turn in something because it gets lost in the shuffle. This is when a 3-ring binder comes in handy. You can use 3-hole pocket folders or pocket dividers. I found great options at Walmart and Dollar Tree. They can get as fancy as you want.

Jewelry

Jewelry is an inconspicuous tool to help junior high and high school students in their quest of remembering homework. I found that younger kids couldn’t quite master this, as they lose jewelry too easily, but you can always give it a try. Stress that this is to be worn when they need to remember to specifically turn something in that they might forget otherwise.

Visual cue jewelry

A ring or bracelet is an excellent visual reminder. If you make a special point of buying the “homework jewelry” together, it’s easier for them to connect homework with it, rather than just another piece of jewelry. Maybe it’s a ring with their birthstone. A bracelet with school themed charms might be special. My boys liked the corded bracelets. Whatever will make this tool of remembering useful.

Fidget necklace:

There are a wide variety of fidget necklaces available. For this tool to work, the fidget necklace has to represent homework to them. When they fidget with the necklace, it should trigger them to turn in the homework. Like each tool, you have to discuss this with your child and see if they think it will help them remember. If they mindlessly fidget, this wouldn’t be a suitable option. (But it’s great for the worrier.)

Action jewelry:

This tool works great because it requires action. The jewelry, whether it’s a ring or a bracelet, is worn on the left hand (they have homework LEFT to turn in) and when they’ve turned it in, they move it to the right (they are RIGHT on task!) Silicone wristbands can be layered for each assignment that needs turning in. Ten assignments = ten bracelets. You can order personalized bracelets, too. Mine is going to say, “I love homework” on one side with “and Mom” on the other. Ya, they’ll wear that. Not.

Homework Friend

Support systems are a great way of accomplishing anything. Having someone who checks on us, reminds us, and maybe even helps with our struggle is a widely used strategy for many things. If your child has a friend they’re close to and in the same class(es), suggest they work together to get homework turned in. With one specific child, this approach for remembering homework helped more than any other. Unfortunately, they didn’t have every class together. That’s why using several in conjunction is effective.

Planner

I’m a huge fan of written lists. I have always loved planners. They don’t seem to be super popular with youth these days, but having a daily planner that lists what needs to be turned in and worked on is hugely helpful. When you’ve done it, you put a checkmark next to it or cross it out. DONE. Daily planners are better than weekly or monthly, in my opinion. Getting in the habit of opening it up, writing stuff down, keeping on task, and marking tasks completed is rewarding.

Electronic Reminders

Tablets and smart phones have changed the way kids do things compared to when I was in school. My kids didn’t have smart phones and most foster kids aren’t allowed to either. Even without the apps available on these devices, I can see how using alarms and the calendar could make remembering homework much easier. Set alarms for the due dates of assignments, and voila! (I had to go look up how to spell wah lah.) It seems easy, but your student/child has to be dedicated enough to recording the information into their phones.

For families who use smart phones, there are numerous homework planner apps. The Educational App Store lists ten recommended apps. There are apps for all ages and incomes.

Visual Home Cues

I’ve mentioned using jewelry as a visual cue for remembering homework once they’re at school. But in talking with my foster daughter who will be a senior next year, we’ve decided to include some visual home cues this coming year to help her remember to get the work in her bag. Remembering homework has been a huge struggle for her throughout her high school career, and it’s actually what prompted this blog. Some of those visual cues will include:

Chalkboard message

Decorative chalkboards are a great way to leave uplifting messages and reminders. Thanks to chalk couture, I have a lot of fun creating a variety of reminders: at the shelf at the bottom of the stairs, in the kitchen, and I can even sneak one in their room. The great thing about chalk couture is that it’s washable, so you can change the message and reuse the same chalkboard or whiteboard surface over and over. You can even put it on a mirror or a window. Yes, I’m a distributor, and I’ll benefit from any purchases you make.

Bulletin board

There’s a bulletin board in the kids’ hallway that they can tack homework to or leave messages on. You can also use a magnetic board if you have strong magnet clips.

Door hanger

Whether we put them on the front door, bathroom door, or bedroom doors, homework reminders will find their way around the house to spontaneously remind school-goers to check their bag before they leave the house. You can use a printable door hanger or any sign that has a string. I’m suggesting to my teenager, that when her homework is finished, she put this on the front door, so she doesn’t walk out of the house without it.

Mirror Messages

I’m always leaving myself messages on my mirror: positive affirmations, to-do lists, or reminders of something I need to buy or do. Each bathroom will now have a dry-erase marker so that anyone can leave messages to themselves or others.

Homework Gnome

Like elf on the shelf, this little guy is going to find a place on the shelf by the front door, on the breakfast table, on top of the computer, on the back of the toilet — wherever it’ll remind kids to think about their homework. Maybe he’ll get into some mischief, too.

Any figurine will do. If you have a dog nic-nac, use that – since they can’t use the excuse it ate their homework.

anything with words

Anything you can create or put words on can work as a reminder. Post-It notes, lettered blocks, magazine word-cutouts, scrabble letters, even rose petals. Be creative and fun as you help your child (or yourself) remember homework — whether it’s doing it or turning it in. They can even help make them.

Consequences – Both Good and Bad

When you say ‘consequence’ you think punishment. Consequences can be good or bad. They’re a motivator whether we like it or not. We work so we can get paid or have something we want (garden, clean house, etc). Conversely, the reason we don’t run a stop sign is because we don’t want to get a ticket. Either way, we make choices based on consequences.

When I was learning to train my foal, Bohannan, I learned the concept, ‘make the right thing easy (pleasant) and the wrong thing difficult (unpleasant)’. I was struck by how like parenting that is. It’s how I look at consequences. I’m trying to make life pleasant because of the right decision and unpleasant because of the wrong choice. Horses and kids quickly learn that doing what is expected is a much better place to be.

Penalty

Remember where penalties are concerned, little problem little penalty — big problem, big penalty. Do NOT make a mountain out of a molehill and keep your emotions in check. This is nothing personal, just business. The police officer does not take it personally that you chose to speed. He gives you the ticket and moves on. Do not take your kids’ inaptitude at remembering homework personally (or any of their behaviors for that matter).

Losing A privilege

I don’t know anyone who likes penalties, but my kids agreed that sometimes it’s exactly what ultimately got the job done. These range in severity, of course, and are modified for age. You know your child, so you know what privilege they hate to lose: tv, hanging with friends, early bedtime, video games, smart phone, playing outside, hanging out in their room, no dessert. You get the idea.

If the younger kids forgot to do or turn in their homework one day, they would lose a privilege for that day. Think about the reason it didn’t get done. If they were too busy playing with friends – or gabbing too much in class, then the penalty involved friends. When the tv became the problem, the tv became the solution. No tv. Do they hate to go to bed? Mine did and early bedtime was the go-to penalty at our house. (Reward for parents, am I right?)

Increased time or penalty

When the kids repeatedly forget to turn in assignments, then increase the time or number of penalties. Second day forgetting? Then that’s two more days they couldn’t (fill in the blank). Instead of just that day it basically doubled. i.e. Forget on Monday, they can’t watch tv on Monday. Forget again on Tuesday, no tv on Tuesday or Wednesday. Forget again on Wednesday, they’ve racked up Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.

Lose it all

For my teenagers, I don’t keep track during the week, but on Thursday afternoon I go online and check. Yes, this takes extra time and effort on my part, but that’s kinda what parenting is. They should be able to govern themselves by now, so I say, “You have missing assignments. Get online and figure it out.” If the assignments are not turned in by Friday, they lose all privileges for the weekend, PLUS they get an extra chore. The more missing assignments and the longer they’ve let them slide, the bigger the chore.

But what if the teacher doesn’t get them entered in the computer right away? Obviously, they probably won’t, so my teenagers have to bring me a note stating that homework is turned in.

Reward

We like rewards. I don’t think kids need to receive a tangible rewarded for every good thing they do. Getting good grades should be the reward for remembering homework and turning it in. But let’s be honest. We all want a reward for doing stuff we don’t really want to do. Remember that. Most kids do NOT want to do homework.

VERBAL PRAISE

This should be the easiest and most definitely the least expensive reward to give. Lavish this on your kids like nobody’s business. You don’t need to put on a cheerleading uniform and do a backflip (though I’ve done that on occasion). Just don’t forget to recognize what they do. At the breakfast table say, “I noticed you’ve been getting your homework in on time all week. Way to go.”

If you have kids who are sensitive to attention, don’t make eye contact. While you’re folding laundry and no one else is around, casually throw out, “Thank you for getting your schoolwork turned in without me having to remind you.”

Sometimes, though, a prize is a great tool to pull out when the extra effort they put forth needs the extra praise. These rewards can vary depending upon the kid. Here are some ideas:

Time with you

Going fishing, to the park, to a movie, or out for a yummy treat, watch whatever they want on tv together. Yes, I realize that movie and treats cost money, so decide how much the extra effort is worth. Time is the important thing here.

Food

What do they like? Candy bar, chips, something they rarely get like steak or shrimp for dinner, their own pizza, etc. What’s their favorite drink? Combine time together and food — maybe a designer soda together.

Money

I rarely used this one and it was usually a surprise I didn’t tell them about before. “Here’s $10 for working so hard on getting that project in on time. I know it was really hard.” This was a great motivator because we did it often enough, that they always hoped it would happen again, but not often enough that they expected it. One kid claims it never happened to them, so be sure to say why you’re giving them the money.

Object

This can be a toy they want, something they’re collecting, a product they don’t usually get themselves (like nice cologne or jewelry), or part of a hobby or sport (like art or longboarding).

Extra privilege

If kids have a strict bedtime, then extra time up can be a reward. Extra tv or video game time. Inviting friends over for movie and pizza. MORE of whatever it is they like.

USE YOUR TOOLBOX

The above-mentioned strategies for remembering homework are meant to be used like tools in a toolbox. My experience has been that kids get desensitized to one method, and so I have to switch them up. Try one, try them in combination, or make up your own. Not every tool is meant to do the same thing.

Our children are different from each other. (In case you hadn’t noticed.) One might be a nail, another a screw, and another a command strip. You do not use a hammer to put up a command strip, but it takes more than your fingers to get a screw in the wall. Wouldn’t it be great if our kids were as easy to figure out?

As much as I would love to say the organization and reminder strategies worked with every kid, it didn’t. My love for structure, crisp pages, and straight As did not rub off on every child. (Okay, hardly any.) Child #5 had an IEP and struggled with memory issues. Consequences forced him to find what worked for him. What was that? Folding his homework into a tiny rectangle and cramming it in his pocket. When he’d shove his hands into his pocket, which he did often, lo and behold, there was his homework. His teachers hated the crumpled page, but hey, the homework was turned in.

KNOW WHEN TO STEP AWAY

Remember, the biggest take away, is to find something that works for your student. Give them the options, and ask them to choose what they think will work. If it’s not effective, try something else.

Here’s something to think about, as well. If they don’t get the homework done, and they get a bad grade or flunk a class, having to take summer classes, or retake a class the next year will probably teach the lesson better than anything else. We don’t want them to fail, but failure is a great teacher.

Let them own their choices. Cheer for success, but let them learn from mistakes, too.

I hope these strategies for remembering homework make life a little easier this school year. As always, do it with love.

LINKS YOU MIGHT LIKE

How to Choose Consequences and Punishment for Kids (verywellfamily.com)

11 Surprising Homework Statistics, Facts & Data (2023) (helpfulprofessor.com)

Students’ mental health: Is it time to get rid of homework in schools? (usatoday.com)

YOUR TURN

Have you tried any of these strategies before? How did it go? What strategies have worked best for you in the past?

Norwegian Pancakes have been bringing joy to our family for three generations –soon to be four! Whether it’s birthdays, holidays, or finals week, this breakfast is requested more than any other.

History

When I was 10, my brother went to serve a religious mission in Norway. We’re fairly proud of our Norwegian ancestry and were thrilled for him to share the culture when he returned. Little did we know one of the recipes he made for us would become a family favorite for generations to come. My mother, her children, and their children have all made Norwegian Pancakes with love. Now the fourth generation is getting married. I hope the tradition continues.

You can jump to Irene’s recipe or Grandma’s Recipe and skip tips and other interesting tidbits.

Where’s the Recipe?

I do not know if my brother made the recipe from memory, but there was never a recipe brought out that I remember. I’ve looked in the famed recipe box and there is no trace of one. When I asked my mom how to make them, she’d say:

Put a bunch of eggs in a bowl and add some sugar. (For my mom, everything was better with a little sugar — even lettuce.) Mix that together well and start adding flour with a bit of salt in it till it’s like banana bread batter — nice and thick. Then add milk a little at a time until it is runny, thinner than cake batter — more like a thin gravy. If it starts to thicken up as you’re cooking, add some more milk.

That was it. It was a visual art that you picked up from watching her for years. You knew what a bit and some and consistency was from watching and doing. She cooked by feel. My brother showed her once and she went from there.

When I had a family, and they wanted me to write it down for a cookbook, I had to guess. I also started adding vanilla. I lived with this particular brother, and he noted that he liked to add nutmeg. So I did, too.

How It’s Served

My brother ate his with brown goat cheese, which tastes peanut butterish to me. He’d also spread caviar on them, but I never developed a taste for that. I know that it’s eaten as a dinner dish quite often in Norway. We always served it for breakfast. My favorite way to eat it as a child was cinnamon sugar. I enjoy powdered sugar with lemon now. My kids always ask for strawberries and cream. Peanut butter and maple syrup is also a staple (since it reminds me of the brown goat cheese).

Grandma’s “Written” Recipe

With Facebook as a great sharing platform, I was thrilled when one of my many nieces posted pictures of a batch and some sweet memories. I love her darling handwriting. It means so much. She wrote:

“. . . when my mom moved and cleaned out cabinets, we found the little paper plate where I recorded the recipe from my Grandma Winsor after she made them for us. It was always special when mom or grandma made them because it took so long to do (a batch that size anyway)!
“Women cooking for their families is such a special thing . . . I’m happy that I’ve made this recipe a tradition for my kids and I will do the same for grand babies too! Everyone needs some cinnamon sugar crepes in their formative years.”

K.B.E.

As far as I know, that is the only time the recipe was written — at least from my Momma’s mouth. You can see that she always made huge batches because you can’t eat just one. I think her recipe would probably make at least 50 pancakes.

I made her recipe both recipes to compare them. They are very much the same, though I like it with vanilla and nutmeg better.

Traditions

This dish is truly a wonderful tradition that’s carried on in many of our families. Growing up, my kids got to choose what they wanted to eat for their birthday breakfast. More often than not, Norwegian Pancakes was chosen. Now when they come to visit with their families, they want Momma to make them their favorite. They fix them at their homes. The foster kids have picked up on this, too. Finals week, I asked what special breakfast I could make for them, and they chose this dish. That request prompted this post.

NORWEGIAN PANCAKE RECIPE

Grandma’s Original Norwegian Pancakes for a Crowd

Ingredients

Instructions

Mix sugar and eggs good. Add salt and flour. Mix real good. Add milk. Cook on frying pan on medium high heat.

What she didn’t write, you’ll find in my recipe as follows:

Irene’s Recipe (guessed from years of watching and tweaking)

Ingredients

Instructions

With a blender, mix eggs and sugar. Add remaining ingredients. Blend well. Let sit about 30 minutes to thicken a bit. Batter should be thin. Heat a thick frying pan on medium to medium-high heat. I recommend a flat iron skillet. Rub the cube of butter on the hot skillet (or dab some with your spatula). Ladle batter onto hot skillet and spread to a thin layer by lifting and turning in a circular motion. When the batter isn’t shiny anymore, flip over with spatula. There should be golden brown lacing to indicate it’s done correctly. Cook for another 30 seconds to a minute. Top with desired toppings.

Watch me do Grandma’s (Mom’s)

Music from #uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/northwestern/hometown License code: IDVRGVBWKHMCXFZG

traditions and food bring joy

I hope you enjoyed this post and will give this recipe a try. Whatever your traditions are, remember to fill them with love. I know that every time I make or eat Norwegian Pancakes I feel my Momma’s love and joy fills my heart.

Your Turn

Is there a food that your family traditionally makes just for the joy? Do your birthday traditions include food. I know – I know – cake and ice cream. Anything else? What food makes you feel loved?

A wise woman once said, “When life gives you zucchini, make zucchini bread.” Okay, I made that up, but it’s true (and if it’s the only time I’m called wise, I’ll take it — even if it’s by myself).

Click here if you want to skip the backstory and tips for zucchini bread. If you want to know how to freeze it for later, Click here.

GARDEN ESSENTIAL

Gardening is a great way to save money if your water supply isn’t too expensive. We usually had irrigation. Our family loves squash — both summer and winter. Steamed zucchini, sauteed zucchini, zucchini with onion and bacon, zucchini topped with cheese, and any other way Momma could think to fix it. 

Summer squash are a staple in the garden. Zucchini is an easy-to-grow green summer squash. In fact, if you don’t pay attention, one day you’ll have zucchini the size of your thumb, and the next day it’ll be the size of a dachshund.

Runaway Zucchini

We didn’t always have a garden, but when my dad planted, we usually had so much zucchini, we couldn’t give enough away. We’d leave it on people’s doorstep only to come out of church to a box full of it in the backseat of the car.

Someone would knock on the door, and we’d peek out the window. “Turn off the TV. It’s the Nobles, and they have zucchini! Shhhhhh. They’ll know we’re home.” Everybody ducked for cover. Unfortunately, they’d leave it on the doorstep, too. That’s the kind of neighborhood I grew up in. Everyone shared. After a while, getting zucchini became as bad as getting lice, which our neighborhood also shared about every two or three years. (That happened when you had 100 kids under the age of eighteen living within two blocks of each other. But that’s another post.) 

Then there were the years nobody grew zucchini because they assumed everyone else was.

Creative Recipes

Mom came up with many recipes — even zucchini pineapple. (I’ll share that another day.) Zucchini doesn’t freeze well, except for grated, so that’s what we’d do with the Godzillucchini. The seeds and skin are really tough when it gets that size, but if you seed and skin it, you can grate it and freeze for the winter months. Fresh, grated zucchini is great in all kinds of recipes, by the way.

Today, I’m sharing her recipe for zucchini bread, which is perfect for that frozen, grated zucchini. She wrote it in the 1970s. I can tell because the recipe card is classic for the day. And seeing her handwriting makes me feel warm and cozy inside. It’s a visual hug from her.

Making Zucchini Bread

Prep/Grating Zucchini

Some of the tips I’ve learned over the years is that I don’t need to peel the zucchini, If they’re oversized and the tough texture or the visual of green skin bothers you, go ahead. But when I grate them, I find the skin is so small it doesn’t make much difference for zucchini bread. I’m all about saving time! That’s also why I use an electric food grater/processor when I’m grating large batches. If you’re doing one recipe, any hand grater will work. Who wants to clean all parts when you’re only grating two cups? Learn more about grating and storing zucchini here.

Mix

I use a Bosh mixer, but before I had that, I just used a hand mixer. Beat eggs till they’re fluffy. This will help the zucchini bread be light. Add oil, sugar, vanilla, and squash and mix. Tip: the lid for most vanilla bottles are a teaspoon. I actually tested that with my bottle lid. I don’t like to get my teaspoon wet and then measure the dry ingredients, so I always use the lid.

A lot of recipes call for combining dry ingredients before adding, but I just dump everything at once – because Mom did and I’m about saving time. Did I mention that? If you don’t have a flour sifter, no worries. I don’t either — never have. Momma showed me how to simply use the handle of your (wooden) spoon to stir and fluff up your flour in the container before measuring. In the video, I measure everything into little glass bowls. In real life? I don’t do that. 

Bake

Mom always used shortening to coat her pans. It’s inexpensive. I can afford the baking spray, so I use that. You have to use enough or your bread will stick. This recipe calls for 2 large loaf pans. Use whatever pan you want for the situation. You can make cupcakes or a cake or mini loaves or . . . you get the idea. Just remember, you have to adjust your time. The less batter, the less time. Bake at 350 F. and test after 45 minutes. It usually takes an hour.

This time I wanted to share my zucchini bread with neighbors, so I used my small pans and a medium. I should have done less time and tested with a toothpick. I did 45 minutes. Too long! It was still moist and yummy in the middle, but the ends were too crisp and dry. So . . . I wasn’t about to make another batch just to look good. Keepin’ it real.

EVAUNE’S ZUCCHINI BREAD

Ingredients

Instructions

Beat eggs till fluffy. Add oil, sugar, vanilla, and squash. Mix well. Add dry ingredients. Mix again till no lumps appear.

Bake at 350 degrees F for one hour or until done in center.

Substitute carrots for squash if desired.

Frost zucchini bread with glaze or carrot cake frosting – i.e. cream cheese, powder sugar, vanilla.

(You can substitute or combine shredded carrots in this recipe as well.)

PRESERVING

The best success my Momma ever had with preserving zucchini was freezing it. When it’s bottled, the texture was too mushy for us to enjoy. Frozen in chunks wasn’t bad, but still cooked up mushy due to the high water content. As it freezes, the water expands and bursts the cells, making it mushy when it thaws. The smaller you cut it, the better. Grated, frozen, and later used in zucchini bread is the best use, in my opinion.

Pick and wash your zucchini. If they have turned into Godzillacchini, cut them in half and scoop out the seeds. You can peel before or after you cut in half. If they’re still relatively small, I don’t bother seeding or peeling, since there’s a higher nutritional value that way.

I use a machine to grate my zucchini, but you can do it by hand. Usually I’m doing several zucchini at a time and put all the flesh in a large bowl. Because of the high water content, you need to squeeze as much liquid as you can out of the grated zucchini before bagging. I use cheesecloth for this. 

After removing as much liquid as you can, measure your zucchini into 2 cup portions and place in freezer bags. Smooth flat to remove air and make it easier to store in the freezer. TIP label your bags with the contents and date BEFORE filling.

Zucchini Bread all year long

The best part of planting and harvesting a lot of zucchini is having zucchini bread all year long. I preserved this about 18 months ago, and it’s not freezer burned yet, but I need to get it used before it gets that way. The water content of zucchini makes these ice crystals form after a while. I would think two years is about the max it will store well.

 I hope you enjoy this recipe as much as my family does. And whenever my children are lonely for their grandma, they can pull up this post and see her handwriting, make her recipe, and feel her love. I love you, Momma!

YOUR TURN

Have you ever tried zucchini bread before? Do you have a recipe that brings a family member closer? If you’ve preserved zucchini some other way, how did it turn out? Did anyone ever “gift” you zucchini?

There are days when accepting emotions is difficult. You might tell yourself it is wrong to feel this way. Or there’s no reason to have the emotions you’re having. It’s silly. It’s selfish. It flat out is not acceptable.

Accepting emotions is not a sign of weakness or that you’re somehow broken. Emotional intelligence is an important step in mental health.

In this post I’m going to share why accepting your emotions is an important part of loving yourself and others.

CHANGING GEARS

I was supposed to blog about zucchini. I have an amazing recipe for zucchini bread and the way seo (search engine optimization) works, this would come into the most popular search just about the time everyone has a million zucchini coming out of their garden.  The frozen packages of grated zucchini lay thawing on the counter. I took some of the pictures. I was forcing myself to be excited. That’s not happening today.

Why?

As I told my oldest daughter, it’s because of the lasagna. The layering of events that piled on top of each other. As I lay on my bed with a pounding migraine, trying to convince myself to get up and get to the store for a few ingredients so I could bake zucchini bread, I realized I was not able. The anger of betrayal churned in my heart. Tears of sadness threatened to spill. Guilt pulled at my gut. Exhaustion from sleep deprivation probably contributed to the migraine. This was NOT the article I could pull together today. It was time for accepting my emotions.

Brace Yourself. I’m going to get personal.

I’m a firm believer that sharing our experiences helps others not feel alone in their struggles. We’re not alone. There’s not a situation out there that someone hasn’t been through. So although I’m told “Nobody cares about you in the blogging world, so don’t write about yourself,” I’m going to share today because I think it might help you when you’re in a similar spot. And it will help you help others.

Failure!

The past couple weeks (hmmm . . . year?) have been “T.U.F.F.” as my college shorthand professor loved to say. (If you don’t know what shorthand is, it’s what dinosaurs used to use for dictation before voice recognition software took over.) As some of you may know, we’ve been doing foster care for eight years. I’m told we do it differently than most. I don’t know. I only know how to parent one way. I’m a mom to everyone who enters my home. So yesterday, when the foster agency had to move a teenager from my home, it was that final layer of emotional lasagna that buried me.

Here’s the metaphorical lasagna:

• Foster kids
• Dream car crash
• EB Puppies
• Myalgic Encephalomyelitis
• Foster kids

I (Foster) Care

Coming and Going

Every time a foster child leaves my home under negative circumstances, I struggle with feeling like a failure. I know I’m not, but I have to go through the whole process of accepting emotions every single time. It’s just me. In ten months, I’ve had to say goodbye to three — two of them within two months of each other. The hardest was a teenager who came to me when I began my role as a foster mom seven years ago. He decided he didn’t “like the way we parented”. He couldn’t read and didn’t speak when he came to my home as an 11-year-old. Now he gets nearly straight A-s as a junior. It broke my heart. I’m still suffering.

These kids are family when they enter our home, and it hurts when we can’t help them. It also hurts to be rejected — even if you’re old.

Aging Out

We have room for five kids — between the ages of 12 and 18. The two here are a junior who’s been with us for three years, and a senior who came a little over a year ago. Both express that this is home. Family. Where they’ll age out (reach the age and progress to be released from foster care). 

For the most part, the kids who age out (3 so far) join us for Sunday dinner, Christmas gift exchanges, and family reunions. But the graduating process is HARD. They worry what will happen to them; not quite convinced we really mean what we say. Mistakes happen a lot at this stage.

Fireball

We’ll call the graduate Tony for the sake of a name. Two weeks ago, my husband and I took our monthly get-away. It’s been tough taking those, so we really looked forward to it. Our foster daughter was going out of town as well, so Tony was home by himself with an adult on standby. It’s two days; what could go wrong?

The morning we were set to come home, I got a text: “I’m really sorry, mom.” I figured he forgot to feed the horses, or he accidentally gathered the eggs from underneath the broody hen. I called him when I got a signal.

“What’s up?”

Long pause. “I wrecked your car.”

Dream Car

Every time my husband asked me, “What’s your favorite car?” I answered, “I don’t have one.” They get you from one place to another. Until 2007. I saw a Dodge Charger and fell in love. Not until 2021 when we no longer hauled eight people around in an SUV, did I get my dream car. An orange 2014 SXT Plus with sport mode. I named it Fireball. No one but my husband gets to drive it. It is they ONLY thing I have ever done just for myself.

Tony does not have a driver’s license. He doesn’t even have a permit. Foster kids can’t have licenses. On more than one occasion I have told him we will go to an empty church parking lot for him to learn how to slowly maneuver the car. But under no circumstances will he EVER drive my car alone. EVER.

Between A Rock and A Hard Place

We felt stuck between a rock and a hard place. How do you teach children to own their mistakes if you kick them out? But he STOLE my car!! And wrecked it! We decided the best way to show him how to deal with emotions and be responsible is to model that. He can’t pay for the car from jail, and we weren’t about to use our insurance — for multiple reasons. A sign on our wall says:

IN THIS HOUSE we do second chances. We do real. We make mistakes. We do forgiveness. We do LOUD really well. We are family. We do HUGS. We do LOVE.

So we hugged him and wrote a contract for him to pay the $9k in damages.

He had to watch us deal with our emotions. We were angry, sad, disappointed. There was no yelling, slamming, or kicking him out. Then we helped him work through his. He was scared, but he still had to face the consequences. Repairing the fence and signing a two-year payment contract. Progress, right?

Blossom’s Puppies

Add to the lasagna our English Bulldog, Blossom. In March we bred her. It takes a lot of money and time to successfully raise puppies. The 9 weeks gestation was a bit stressful as we wondered whether we’d have enough puppies to cover all the costs.

The Sunday after the car was wrecked, Blossom delivered three puppies by C-section at the vet’s. Momma and puppies have to be kept separated for the puppies’ safety. Every two hours, I put the puppies with Blossom to nurse and sat guard for the hour they ate. You have to clean the babies’ bottoms frequently to get them to pee and poo. Puppies don’t do that on their own. I was exhausted! Within 24 hours, however, Blossom was helping with bathroom needs like she did with the first litter. I’m relieved!

Two days later, we lost a puppy. Devastation! What happened? Although Blossom stimulated them with her licking, she didn’t actually clean this baby’s butt, and he couldn’t defecate. I was tempted to pretend I didn’t know why it died. Talk about accepting emotions and responsibility! That was T.U.F.F. Anger, guilt, sadness. FAILURE! That’s $3k to $4k lost. It was hard to be real and face my mistake.

M.E. Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day started out wonderfully with brunch at The Skillet. Before we ever left the restaurant, however, I crashed with M.E. I could barely hold myself up. My sweet husband took care of my every need all day long, but it was tough “missing the day”. Children gave me tea to drink, flowers to plant, chocolate to eat, handmade jewelry to wear, and called if they were too far away. I slept and had help with all the animals — even the puppies. It was a good day, overall. One a.m. that night doesn’t count as that day, right?

Mistakes That’re Out of My Hands

In the early hours of the morning, as I lay down after a puppy feeding (1 am) my foster daughter came into me. In tears, she crawled on the bed. “What’s the matter?” I asked.

She told me that Tony came into her room a few nights before wanting her to get drunk with him and wouldn’t leave. He left after much coaxing, and nothing “happened”, but she was scared. She couldn’t take the scared feeling anymore, so she had to tell me. I snuggled her up to me and reassured her she was safe. I thanked her for telling me — and the friend who encouraged her not to keep it a secret. Thankfully, her therapist works with her on recognizing and accepting emotions. It is typical for trauma survivors to smother their feelings — fawning.

Then I marched up to Tony’s room, found the Gatorade bottle masking alcohol, and told him that I couldn’t save him from his own stupid decisions. Even if I didn’t kick him out, the incident had to be reported. “I can fix my car, but I can’t fix that,” I said pointing to the room down the hall. The conversation was long and ended in a hug, but I was heartsick over what might happen. No sleep again.

Dealing With It

Monday

We met with the foster agency. They had to remove him from the home. I had to pack up all his belongings. What about his graduation party? How can I teach him what families do when I’m so mad?  I have to protect my daughter. That’s what she is — foster or otherwise. I’m sad that he’s throwing away his life over selfish desires and addictions. Sad that he’s not using his therapist to work out his troubles — just pretending that he’s doing everything right.

I find out that there’s more behavior he hid. Although he swears he wasn’t drinking when he took the car, I know he was. The lies compound and it hurts. 

Tuesday

My car is wrecked, a puppy is dead, my son (foster, but still) has gone because I couldn’t reach him. I have to put his room back together for whatever kid is next.

I feel like a failure — guilty because I don’t want to do anything for him. Conflicted because as a mom I really do want to give him all the things I give every other senior. Prom was supposed to be Saturday. I’m supposed to be making corsages and boutonnieres and a three-course meal for him and his friend’s dates.

Mad. Sad. Guilty. Confused. But I’m fine, right? I’m fine.

I distract myself by working on the next blog post; taking pictures, writing lists. Weigh, clean, and feed puppies. My head is splitting. I’M FINE. I can do this. There’s nothing I could have done differently. “Pull it together, Irene. This isn’t the first, it won’t be the last. Mistakes are part of life. Just move on.” I can’t.

No. Stop.

“Irene! Why are you doing this?” I’ve watch people deny their emotions. I’m doing it! How many times have I told my children, foster children, grandchildren that it’s okay to acknowledge your emotions? No emotion is BAD. It’s what you do with them that matters. If anything is “bad” it’s pretending you’re fine when you’re not.

Accepting emotions, sitting with them, letting them happen naturally is the first step in self-care. Choose what you will do to deal with them and love yourself.

STEPS FOR ACCEPTING EMOTIONS

Disclaimer. I am NOT a professional psychologist, doctor, or anything of the sort. I’m a professional Mom. I’ve been around the block and taken numerous trainings for foster care. In college I studied music therapy for bit. This advice is from things I’ve learned and studied on my own. If you need professional help, please don’t hesitate to seek it.

Recognize

At times it’s hard to recognize our emotions and face them. We’re caught up in the moment. We don’t want to have negative emotions; maybe they’re a sign of weakness, or they mean we’re bad, or we simply don’t have time for them. Whatever the reason, it keeps us from being well. I’m sure you’ve heard the term “bottling your emotions”. This video by Psych2go describes 6 signs you’re bottling your emotions.

Here are some physical signs you’re experiencing negative emotions:

• Heart beating faster/ racing
• Breathing faster or shallow
• Hands clenched and muscles tight — neck, shoulders, forehead, jaw
• Face flushed
• Headache (usually from those tight muscles)
• Sleepy
• Intestinal distress — diarrhea, constipation, rumbling stomach, no appetite

Breathe

Take some deep breaths. There are many breathing techniques. My favorite go-to is the 4 7 8 exercise. Breathe in for 4 seconds, hold it for 7, and breathe out for 8. I do this four or five times until my head is clear or I feel better. Being aware of our breathing helps us to be able to think clearly, so we can move forward.

Name Your Emotions

Priscilla or Oscar — Sam, maybe. Kidding. Not that kind of naming. What emotions are you feeling? You’d be surprised how many teenagers cannot identify what emotion they’re feeling. Take a moment to figure it out. Am I sad? Mad, hangry, frustrated, hurt, lonely, glad? All the above. You can feel more than one at a time. If you need help, there are charts that identify a wide range of emotion. I really like Live Bold and Bloom because they’ve compiled a wide variety of charts to choose from. Once you recognize which emotion you’re feeling, you can move on.

Accept Emotions and Be

When an event is fresh, sometimes all you can do is exist. It is perfectly okay not to be okay. Accepting emotions and living in the moment might be all you can do. Breathe and be. Embrace the suck, as I like to say. Be sad. Be mad. Be lonely. Sit in the moment. Let everything that can be put off go for now. Laundry, phone calls, meals, lawn work. Whatever. Everything will still be there when your head is wrapped around the event.

I said to myself, “Self, it’s okay to be sad, because I have reason to be mad. I love the kids who come to my home, and it’s okay to keep loving him. It’s also okay to not throw a big grand party for him. I don’t have to make any decisions today. It’s not a good idea to act on emotion, anyway. Let’s go vomit write.”

Don’t stay in that space indefinitely, though. Take the next step.

Identify Thoughts

Actions are produced from feelings, which are triggered by thoughts. Accepting emotions starts with identifying the thoughts. Are they true or false?  Altering the thoughts for a better outcome can be hard and may take some time.

Example: Mom is slamming doors and yelling. Why? She determines she’s angry (obviously?). What is she thinking? “The only thing I’ve ever bought for myself is now trashed. (TRUE) I don’t know if it’s totaled or fixable. (FALSE) I’ll never have my dream car again (FALSE).” (Can you guess who I’m describing?) New thought pattern: “I can’t change that the car is wrecked. The mechanic said the frame wasn’t bent, so it’s probably fixable. Those scratches and dings already on the hood are going to be fixed in the process. Awesome!” New action: Mom is looking forward to getting her car back and having it look even better than before, which causes her to talk with excitement to everyone. No door slamming.

Self-Care

Take care of yourself. Acknowledge what it is you need to feel better. My husband and I cancelled everything and went to see “Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 3”. It was a great escape. Self-care goes a long way. Here’s a list of things you can do to love yourself.

• soak in a tub
• read
• go for a walk
• do some art
• call a friend and download; a sounding board might just be the ticket
• play a sport or do another activity that requires physical exertion – get those endorphins pumping
•  get a manicure, pedicure, or massage
• sleep
• play with some animals
• serve someone else (volunteer in a classroom or at a food bank)
• focus on your hobby
• Listen to some great music — you can also use some visualization techniques with it.

You know what I did? I vomit wrote. What’s that, you say? Like I said at the beginning of this post, I ditched the blog I was going to write and started writing everything I felt. I wrote it to you. The next day I deleted about 2/3 of it. You didn’t need to know every single detail of what happened and what I felt about it. But I needed to. I didn’t want to verbally spew, so I did it on paper with a #2 pencil. Okay, the computer this time. It feels good. You should try it sometime.

It’s actually two days later now because it’s taken that long with puppies and sleep deprivation and migraines and ME. It’s OKAY!! Today is fabulous!!! No migraine. A got a good night’s sleep now that the puppies are big enough Blossom won’t squish them. My head is clear. I no longer feel like crying or screaming. See what self-care can do?

FEELING BETTER

One of the most important things to remember when you’re going through rough emotions, is that it will get better. The moment always feels like it’s never going to end. It might take a day or three, but it WILL get better. If you feel like your negative emotions are going on and on, I encourage you to seek out some help. Moreover, mental health is getting easier to access all the time. In fact, I’m getting ready to contact betterhelp.com to deal with some of the emotional situations that have avalanched in the last year. I’ll let you know how that goes.

I hope my experience has strengthened your ability at accepting emotions in your life. It’s not always easy. Once you get better at it, you’ll be able to help your kids, friends, or other loved ones. Loving yourself builds the bridge for loving others.

Links You Might Enjoy

• I loved this YouTube video about understanding and dealing with negative emotions with Dr. Tracey Marks.
•  The School of Life created How to Process Your Emotions. It’s amazing how our minds process everything we go through.
• Emotions and the Brain captured some of the concepts I’m trying to explain. Check it out below.

YOUR TURN

Have you ever had a time when accepting emotions was particularly hard? How did you handle it? Who helped you? What do you like to do for self-care? I hope you’ll share with us in the comments below.