Eggs are a staple for breakfast — at least in the U.S.A. — and there are a million ways to cook them. My favorite is buttered eggs.

What are buttered eggs? This blog will tell and SHOW you how to make them. I hope your family loves them as much as mine.

Homemade Breakfasts

I grew up with homemade breakfasts every morning before school. They were usually hot, and my mother made a wide variety. When I was little, we had our own chickens, so eggs were on the menu a lot. Buttered eggs were one of my favorites, and so I continued the tradition with my own kids. But what are they? They’re basically boiled eggs that are cracked in half, scooped out of the shell, mashed, buttered, and seasoned with salt and pepper. Simple.

Kinda.

The cracking and scooping is the hardest part. My mom always did that part for me because they’re really hot. Even though I could use a hot pad, I convinced her I needed help until I was in high school. I laugh because my kids were the same way. It’s not really that hard, but if someone is willing to do it for you, why not? Your little kids will need help with this part until they’re coordinated enough and can handle the hot eggs. Or until they’re in high school — whichever comes first.

You can peel the eggs, but it’s faster to scoop, especially when they’re really hot. And butter doesn’t melt well if they’re not hot. So . . .

Watch this video or skip to the instructions.

Buttered Eggs Recipe

You Will Need:

Directions:

Boil eggs for 6 to 12 minutes depending on how soft you want your yolk. TIP: If you fill your pot with hot water, it comes to a boil faster. Drain water from pan but leave eggs in the pan to keep them warm till ready to serve. Hold the eggs in a hot pad. Quickly strike them clear through with the butter knife (aiming for the center). TIP: It’s actually better to hold them over the shell bowl so you don’t have to pick shells off your plate. With the teaspoon, find the space between the membrane and the egg and slowly insert the spoon and rotate to scoop out the egg. Make sure no shells stick to the egg and discard the shell in the bowl. Do this for both halves and as many eggs as you desire. Work quickly so the eggs stay hot. Mash with the fork and add desired amount of butter — 1 or 2 tsp. per egg (unless you’re like me and you need a tablespoon). Top with salt and pepper to taste. Add any other seasonings you like (garlic salt, chili powder, paprika, etc.).

IF YOUR BOILED EGGS ARE PREMADE

I keep boiled eggs in my fridge for breakfasts, lunches (egg salad sandwiches), snacks, and to use in other recipes like potato salad or deviled eggs. Like I mentioned in my 36 Easy Breakfast Ideas, making things ahead of time makes meals easier.

If you want to make buttered eggs from your cold boiled eggs, simply peel and mash them. I like to use a glass pie plate for this when I’m making them for a lot of people. Reheat in the microwave on a low power setting, so they don’t explode all over the place. I use my reheat pizza slice setting on my Advantium, but I use a power level 6 otherwise. How long depends on how many eggs you have. I typically do about a minute and then go by 15 second intervals if they need more time. Overheated eggs are rubbery and gross — and they explode. Put a napkin over your plate to save your microwave in case this happens. Eggs are tricky little buggers.

I make these for myself a couple times a week. I’ve started sprinkling garlic herb salt on the top. Very good. My husband likes Tabasco on his. This recipe makes my mornings easy. I hope it helps start your days off eggselent too!

YOUR TURN

What’s your favorite way to eat eggs? Have you ever had buttered eggs before? If not, give it a try and let me know what you think.

No matter the age, kids throw a temper tantrum at some point. The challenge as a parent is to not throw one yourself just because they are. Sometimes that feels like an impossible task.

In this blog, we’ll cover some tips to stay in control when it feels like everyone — from toddlers to teens — is out of control.

PARENTING IS HARD

Parenting is hard. I know that’s probably a surprise to you. You’re sitting there thinking, “This is a piece of cake. What are you talking about?” If that’s you, you’re probably parenting a plant. Okay, never mind. That’s tough, too. A rock. You’re parenting a rock.

I remember coming home from the hospital with my first child and thinking how great it was. Finally living my dream. That quickly transformed into, “I hope this gets easier by the time I’m a grandparent, because I don’t know what I’m doing.” I thought since I’d been “mothering” my nephews and nieces from the age of 8, I had it figured out. How wrong I was!

I’m grateful I had a lot of practice, but aunting is not parenting. Big shout out to all my nieces and nephews that I got to practice on. And another THANK YOU to my siblings for the great aunting and uncleing they’ve done to my kids. Followed by a big apology to Child#1 and Child #2 who bore the brunt of the parental learning curve.

IT’S ABOUT CONTROL

After 31 years of parenting (and that doesn’t count the 13 years of practice) I’ve come to realize that it’s about control. Human beings want to be in control. We need that security. When we’re not, we’re unhappy, and it shows in one way or another.

An infant is rarely in control, and they let us know quite often. A toddler is figuring out rapidly that they have some control, so when they don’t have it, they’re figuring out how to get it back. And this is where they throw a temper tantrum. We call this the Terrible Twos, but I promise it can be just as bad at 12 and 42 if we don’t learn how to manage our emotions. Learning when and how to help our kids have control is important.

A temper tantrum looks different for each age group. Your infant cries, your child gets grouchy, while your teenager sulks or yells. There are a lot of different signs we need to recognize, but let’s just say that as a parent we know something is off. That’s when we remember to HALT.

HALT

I learned about HALT from a women’s group. A child specialist taught us that when a child is upset and throwing a tantrum, we should think of the acronym that stood for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Analyze the situation and address whatever was causing the meltdown. Nobody can think rationally when they’re stressed from these situations. At the time, my children were 6 and younger, and it was extremely helpful. I’ve since learned that this applies to people of all ages.

Let’s review what each letter stands for and how they can apply to various ages.

Hungry

Hunger is the first of two physical states. The term “hangry” is very descriptive. I have one particular child who gets upset when she’s hungry. It’s an unpleasant feeling and has real side effects as the blood sugar lowers and the brain and body don’t have the energy they need. When an infant cries, we usually look at the clock and wonder when they ate last. Do we remember to do that with our teens? Luckily, fixing this problem is pretty easy unless you have a picky eater. Been there, done that.

Angry

Anger is an emotional response but can be caused by any number of stimuli — physical, emotional, or mental. Again, let’s think of an infant. When their diaper is wet, they’re uncomfortable and upset about it. We don’t get angry; we change the bum. Let’s think about an older child. They come home from school and slam the door and yell at you when you ask what’s wrong. Obviously angry. Do you get angry back because they were disrespectful? Wouldn’t it be nice if it were as easy as changing the diaper?

Lonely

This emotional response is due to our human need to feel connected. We need interaction and validation. Yes, your infant can be lonely. Are you on your phone when you’re nursing or bottle feeding? Their physical need is being met, but they can still communicate when the emotional connection is missing. Your kids, no matter what age, need your attention and validation. A teenager isn’t going to admit they’re lonely for you. If they’re battling you, and they’re not hungry, angry, or tired, they might be begging for some attention. Could they be lonely in their social circles?

Tired

I’m sure you’ve all had that overexerted child who is so tired they’re miserable. They throw a temper tantrum, and you know that if they’d just sleep, they’d feel better. I promise you, the same thing goes for the adults and every age between. Are you aware of your teen’s sleep patterns? Do they know how to recognize when they’re too tired?

HUMAN VENDING MACHINES

My oldest brother, who now holds a doctorate and founded a school in South Phoenix, gave a class on parenting while I was in college. I attended because homemaking and mothering were my preferred occupation. He likened a child’s temper tantrum to someone trying to get an item out of a defective vending machine.

You put the money in and expect a certain response — the item to be delivered. When that doesn’t happen, you push the button a few more times, thinking that the machine didn’t get the message. If nothing happens, then you might kick or hit the machine, maybe shake it a little. You get angrier and angrier as you fail to get what you expect.

We are the human vending machines for our children. They put in their little coin (have a desire) and expect a certain response. It is up to us to determine how to respond to that desire. If we don’t give them what they need or want, we’re going to get a little button pushing and machine shaking.

DELIVERING THE RIGHT GOODS

It is our purpose to deliver (raise) happy, healthy, and well-adjusted human beings. Unfortunately, it’s not always clear how to get there. How do we deliver what they need and withhold what they don’t? What if we’re the ones making them angry? Is it possible to put a teenager to bed if they don’t want to go there? It definitely takes some self-reflection and course correction if we’re not meeting their needs.

Remember that part about parenting being hard? Sometimes I want to throw a temper tantrum! That’s where recognizing HALT for ourself is important.

It takes patience to figure out what our kids need. Here are some tips for deescalating the situation so we don’t throw a tantrum right along with our kids.

HALTING TEMPER TANTRUMS

The best time to take action is before a tantrum starts. If you can, begin when they’re young. But it’s not too late if you’re already heading into (or neck deep) in the teenage years. I actually love the teenage years – when you can connect and have fun on a whole new level.

1. EXPECTATIONS: Make your expectations perfectly clear. Example #1: Bedtime is at 8, so you set a ritual for getting the kids to bed. Example #2: Homework should be completed and turned in by the end of the week so you can do something fun during the weekend. Example #3: We eat dinner at the table. If you get down, dinnertime is over. Don’t throw random rules out there unexpectedly. Your kids will feel more in control if they know what to expect.
2. HALT: When someone starts to throw a temper tantrum, go through the HALT questions. Don’t be afraid to ask. Solve the problems. If you’re part of the problem, figure out how to fix that. (Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I’ve been the problem, and I know it.) Evaluate yourself as well. If you need to step back from the situation until you’re not angry etc., then do that. Which leads to #3.
3. TAKE A TIMEOUT: Timeouts aren’t bad. Screaming “Go to timeout” isn’t what I’m talking about. “Hey, how about if we take some deep breaths — let’s pretend to smell some flowers and blow out candles.” “Would you like to take a little walk and get some space before we talk some more?” “I need to get a snack. Do you want to join me?” “You seem tired. Let’s talk about this tomorrow.” Of course, these need to be age appropriate.
4. BE THE EXAMPLE: Whatever you expect of your kids, you should emulate. If you freak out and throw tantrums, then they’re going to. Your sleep habits turn into their sleep habits. However you handle stressful situations will be their cue of how to handle them.
5. HANG TIGHT: When what they need isn’t what they want, be firm but kind. If your child is upset and pushing buttons because they think you’ll finally deliver what they want, remember a vending machine truth. If you never get that soda, eventually you give up and walk away. Stay calm. Hold your ground.
6. COMPASSION: Show compassion for their situation. There is power in the phrase, “I know.” Situation #1: The four-year-old hit his brother because he wants the toy. Now he’s screaming because you won’t let him have it. It’s not quite lunch time. “I know you’re angry because you want to play with that car. Hitting isn’t kind. Take some deep breaths with me and then we’ll get a snack. Do you want a cheese stick or an apple?” Situation #2: Your teenage daughter is mad because you took her phone when she failed to come home on time. TD: “This isn’t fair! My friends don’t have a curfew.” LP (loving parent): “You’re really mad, and I can understand why. I know you’d like to stay out later. On school nights you have to be home at 10, though.”
7. USE SOME HUMOR: My husband is the best at this. He can diffuse a tense situation faster than water on a fire. *sniff sniff* “You smell funny.” Guy humor, I guess. Or he says the unexpected. “It could be worse. You could be raised by wolves.” He’s tough, so he lets the girls punch him in the shoulder to release their frustration. This always gets them laughing.
8. TAG TEAM IT: Have someone you can tag to take over. When I know my husband is done, I take over, and vice versa. If you’re a single parent, utilize a family member or someone your child trusts. It takes a village. Just make sure that person is on the same page with you.
9. CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES: Sometimes it’s just not important to win the battle if you lose the war. Maintain the relationship. If your child is struggling, maybe it’s not the time to insist they make their bed. Bedtime is 8, but you can tell more one-on-one time is needed. They are not going to eat those beets regardless of how long they sit at the table, so make a concession. “Instead of eating those beets, how about helping me load the dishwasher? Then we’ll have a scoop of ice cream.”

PARENTING IS NOT FOR WIMPS

Hang in there! You’re doing a great job. The most important thing to remember is that they’re very peaceful when they’re asleep. So go in and look at them tucked into bed. If they’re teenage boys, you’ll probably need to plug your nose. If they’re girls, you might have to dig under their stuffed animals to find them. I know it’s cliche to say that time will go by faster than you know, and you’ll miss this. You probably won’t miss the tantrums, but if you let the tantrums rule your world, you will miss the good stuff.

YOUR TURN

Is there an age that you think tantrums are the worst? What method do you think works best for dealing with temper tantrums? Have you used the HALT method before, and do you use it for yourself as well?

Sometimes our life gets out of control, like weeds in a garden. Life choices either contribute to the weeds or help get rid of them.

In this blog we’ll talk about ways of getting rid of the distractions, addictions, habits, or laziness that hinders our growth. Self-love requires us to get rid of the items that are sucking the life out of us.

THE GARDEN

Disclaimer: I am not a therapist, psychologist, or any other licensed medical professional. I am a woman who has been through a lot, seen a bunch of crap, and observed many different people and situations in my life. I have had a LOT of weeds, and I have produced a LOT of flowers. Please take this blog as the life experiences and information that it is. My own.

I love analogies. As I worked in my garden this year, I saw a similarity between what was happening there and in my personal life. I’d like to share it with you.

Our life is like a garden. It starts out as a blank space of ground. We might come into a life that is rich and fertile, or one that is rocky and needs some work. Regardless of how it starts, every single garden (life) must be purposefully tended if we want to produce a harvest we can be proud of. Our life choices are like tending that garden.

AMAZING PLANS

My garden this year was going to be amazing! I was very purposeful in April planting indoor what I wanted to grow outside come summer. Yellow squash, zucchini, cucumbers, cantaloupe, okra. I watered and tended. In May I transferred them outdoors to acclimate. In the fall I worked the soil and added fertilizer and leaves to decompose all winter. Come spring and early summer, I added more nutrients and got the rows all ready. I bought tomato plants and two kinds of peppers.

June came. That’s the best planting time in my part of Arizona. I got four rows of corn in and planted everything in the well-thought-out spots of the garden, including two huge rows of bush green beans. My daughter was a great help. I made twine ropes for the vines to climb up. In two weeks, I was going to plant more corn. Great choices and I was excited for the future harvest.

OUT OF CONTROL

Then life hit. I was watering but did not have time for anything else. I didn’t get the rest of the corn in. My ME/CFS was kicking my hiney. I was busy with my blog and resting, and family and resting, and puppies and resting. The weeds were growing like crazy. I asked for help, but everyone else was busy, and my request was way too vague. I had help from my small grandsons — if you know what that means.

The squash wasn’t growing, the cantaloupe died, and all but one of the cucumber died. I couldn’t even see the okra, and thought it had died. No green beans in sight. The garden was out of control. Likewise, my life was a bit out of control. I needed to make some life choices and garden choices if I wanted to salvage my sanity and the harvest.

LIFE IS LIKE THAT SOMETIMES

No matter how great your life is — the steps you’ve taken to ensure everything goes well, or the choices you thought were acceptable — STUFF happens. A habit we weren’t aware of sneaks in. That choice that was wonderful one minute turns out to cause heartache another. Something that’s out of our control forces us to make new choices. It’s really hard to share personal stuff on the internet when the whole world is going to judge you. I also believe that sharing your ups AND downs helps strengthen others. So here goes that leap of faith.

I’ve struggled with depression — post partum as well as seasonal and from trauma — my entire life. A brother committed suicide, the next year my parents divorced, I developed ME/CFS, children were born, we lost everything in 2009 when the economy crashed, and the list goes on. I don’t need to list every traumatic or hard thing in my life.

Recently, I left the religion I grew up with and believed strongly in for 51 years. My husband and I decided to not get divorced but work through the struggle. We’ve had several REALLY hard foster children in the last two children. All these things have created some life choices that have to be dealt with or changed.

LIFE CHOICES TO GAIN CONTROL

The morning I woke up to leave on a getaway, I decided that before I left, the garden HAD to be reigned in. I got up really early and mowed the lawn. Then I grabbed my gloves, a hand rake, a pad for my knees and started in.

It was hot. It was hard. It made me want to cry. After two hours of hard work, I found four okra plants I didn’t know were still growing. All the tomatoes and peppers I planted were going to be okay. The life-choking weeds were gone out of all three rows. There was still plenty of weeds to deal with, but the area that needed it most was now under control.

The getaway created the space I needed to see what I needed to do with my life. I finished filling out the questionnaire I had started on Better Help and submitted it. Because I couldn’t really afford it, they worked with me til I had a payment plan that was doable.

My first appointment was hard. It made me cry. After several weeks of hard work, I found some hope again. I’ve made medical appointments to address my physical illness. Plans and strategies have been put in place that are creating better communication in my marriage. I’m able to let go of some guilt and own a better outlook. The therapist is helping me set some boundaries and let go of bad habits. There are still plenty of weeds to deal with, but the area that need it most is now under control.

STEPS

Since weeds are unavoidable, I think the most important step to rid the weeds that have been created by either poor life choices or the failure to make life choices is by being honest. We can’t keep telling ourselves that everything is fine. We have plenty of time. The weeds aren’t that bad. We must decide we don’t like the weeds and that no matter how hard it is, they MUST be pulled out.

Strap on the sun hat, grab the gloves, find whatever tools it’s going to take, and get to work. What tools?We need a listening ear that’s disconnected from our situation but can give the advice we need to hear. That can be a friend, a coworker, a family member. Sometimes we can do it alone. At other times it takes help from a professional who has tools we don’t. You might need medication for a while, like I do. (I’m going to try Cymbalta and see how it goes.) Regardless, find a way to get the help.

There are many steps to pulling weeds. Positive self-talk can be fertilizer helps the flowers grow. But negative self-talk is the weeds that choke out personal growth. Pull the weeds of self-doubt and burn them.

PREVENTION

Without a doubt, the best idea is to prevent weeds from taking over our life garden. Honest evaluation. Own our emotions. Communicate effectively. Recognize bad habits. Get help early before the weeds are choking us to death.

I’m on a good path now. However, there’s still a lot of weeding. I won’t stop just because things are better. That would be like only weeding the garden once. If you have a yard or a garden, you know it’s a continual process. I’m tired. I wish it were easy, but it’s not. Writing helps me. My therapist is encouraging me to share my journey to self love and healthy life choices with you. It is helping me. I hope it helps you know you’re not alone in this garden of life.

YOUR TURN

I know we can help each other on this journey. If you feel comfortable, please share.

What weeding tools do you use? Is there a source besides Better Help that you’ve tried, if so tell us about them. If you’ve ever been on medication, how did that go for you? When you realize different life choices need to be made, what is your strategies for tackling that?

Breakfast literally means Break the Fast. Most people fast 10 to 12 hours between dinner and morning. If you’re like me, you’re in a hurry and having easy breakfast ideas makes it possible to get everyone out the door well fed.

In this post you’ll find easy breakfast ideas you can make the night before, create in 5 minutes, or prepare hot within 30 minutes.

BREAKFASTS OF LOVE

Growing up, my Momma made us breakfast every morning before school. That was our tradition. Weekends and summers we were usually on our own to scrounge something up. I loved everyone around the table at the start of the day and never went to school feeling hungry. Because that was important to me, I vowed my kids would always have a prepared meal before heading out the door.

That was not always easy, especially when I had a newborn or was struggling with ME/CFS. I was a stay-at-home mom for many years, but when I began working it became even harder. My husband promised that he’d help keep that tradition alive. (He was Mr. Mom for a while.) Having a wide variety of options and flexibility in what constituted breakfast made it easier. I learned some hacks along the way, too. I’ve learned a few things in 31 years of parenting. I’m currently in my last year of having high schoolers, so I’ll share with you what works for me.

NUTRIENT RICH FOOD

Here’s the biggest take away. Breakfast can be anything. Because it’s important for that food to last until lunchtime, it needs to have certain elements besides sugar, but I got way too caught up in the idea that breakfast had to be the traditional breakfast foods of cereal or pancakes or eggs. Not so.

I have had several kids who do not like the typical breakfast food collection. Child #2 would rather have leftovers from dinner. On mornings when it was up to him, that’s what he’d heat up. So don’t get caught up in staying inside the “breakfast box”.

I still fix a lot of traditional, but it’s mostly important to get nutrient-dense calories in our bodies. When I was a health educator, I taught the Jr. High kids that fruit (and sugar cereals) will give you that immediate burst of energy and last about 30 minutes – maybe. Vegetables (more fiber) take up to an hour to digest. Whole grains are going to carry you an hour or two because they have even more fiber. And proteins and fats take even longer and can last up to four hours. That’s why it’s important to get a wide variety of foods in the morning. I taught them to aim for three food groups. The following video was not made by me. The Foodie does a great job of explaining in less than two and a half minutes. Check it out.

Easy Breakfast Ideas

These are all breakfasts that I have personally made. There are a million different ideas and recipes out there, so this is not an exclusive list by any means. I will be adding recipes to my blog as time goes by, so keep an eye out and check back often.

Hot 30-Minute (ish) Breakfasts

• Whole Wheat Blender Pancakes
• French Toast Sticks
• Egg Sandwhich
• Skillet Breakfast
• Southwest Breakfast Burrito
• Norwegian Pancakes with filling
• Breakfast Casserole
• Hashbrowns, sausage links, and wheat toast
• Sunshine Rice
• Easy Eggs Benedict
• Biscuits and Gravy

Hot 20-Minute (or less) Breakfasts

• Hearty Fruit and Nut Oatmeal
• Milk Toast (cinnamon toast [homemade] with warm milk poured over the top)
• Scrambled Eggs
• Buttered Eggs (boiled eggs mashed with butter)
• Bird Nests (egg cooked inside toast)
• Hot cereal (Cream of Wheat, Malt-O-Meal, Grits, Corn mush)
• Fried eggs, bacon or ham, and toast
• Protein Waffles
• Boiled eggs
• Omelet

Fast Cold Breakfasts

• Whole grain cereals (look for 3 grams of fiber or more on the nutrition fact label)
  • Cheerios, Wheaties, Mini Wheats, Grape Nuts, Honey Bunches of Oats and so on
• Mini Bagels and Cream Cheese (you can also put yogurt, peanut butter, jelly, sun butter, etc. on top)
• Toast with peanut butter and sliced bananas
• Yogurt
• Boiled Eggs
• Fruit Smoothie (Shrek Smoothie with strawberries, yogurt, and spinach was a favorite with kindergarteners)
• English Muffin (with peanut butter or cream cheese)
• Monkey wrap (wheat tortilla with peanut butter, grape nuts, and a banana rolled up inside)
• Muffins (bran muffins are a great source of fiber, and you can use any banana or zucchini bread recipe, too.)
• Yogurt parfait
• Refrigerator Oatmeal
• Rice with cinnamon and milk
• Granola Bars (I always look for 2 or 3 grams of fiber to ensure they last longer than 30 minutes)
• Fresh Fruit – grapefruit, oranges, bananas, apples, kiwi, grapes, etc.

GLORIOUS LEFTOVERS

My number one hack is to prepare yourself to use leftovers. I purposely make more baked potatoes or rice so I can use them for breakfast. You can put them in your skillet breakfasts, make your rice dishes (sunshine rice or rice with cinnamon and milk), or breakfast burritos. Refried beans can be used in breakfast burritos or on a Mexican omelet. (I was skeptical at first on that one, but it was really good, and the 8th graders loved it.)

Did you know that leftover summer squash tastes really great in a breakfast skillet? Quinoa too. Brown rice, kidney beans, salsa, diced tomatoes. Whatever you have in your fridge that you need to get rid of, yes, you can sneak it into a skillet breakfast. Okay, maybe not anything, but you get what I’m saying.

And if your kids loved the spaghetti, heat it up. Leftover pizza? Great! Green beans and leftover roast? If that’s what your kid wants (and mine did) then go for it.

MAKE IT AHEAD

Hack #2. Whatever you can make ahead the night before, do it. Yogurt parfaits with fruit between the layers is a great one. I found some awesome yogurt parfait cups at Dollar Tree this year. They even have a built-in folding spoon and separate place in the lid for the granola, so it doesn’t get soggy. Unfortunately, you never know what you’ll find at Dollar Tree. But, you can get something similar on Amazon, too (though they’re way more expensive).

You can make the overnight oatmeal in these containers, too. And the more nuts and fruit you add to the oatmeal, the longer it will last them. There are so many great combinations of flavors and textures. Throw in a few chocolate chips if that ensures your child will eat the healthy stuff. Which reminds me — stay away from the instant or minute variety of rice and oatmeal. They aren’t as nutritious.

And did you know you can freeze your rice after you’ve cooked it? Yep. Stick it in a ziplock bag and throw it in the freezer. When you’re ready to use it, pull it out and run hot water over it in a colander. Or microwave it.

Pancakes and waffles also freeze nicely, and you can throw them in the toaster or microwave. Put wax paper between them so they don’t stick together as much.

Your gravies and batters can be made the night before, cutting that precious time in half. Instead of 30 minutes to make biscuits and gravy, it’ll take 15. Especially if you use refrigerator biscuits. Not as healthy and gross in my opinion, but my husband loves them. You can buy biscuits in the freezer section, or freeze your own, and those are pretty close to freshly made.

RECRUIT HELP

Don’t forget to let (have) your kids help you. It’s important for them to know how to do these things for themselves when they leave for college. Encourage (or even schedule) them to help you or take a morning to fix one of the easy breakfast ideas. Our kids have to make some of their own breakfasts their senior year as part of learning life skills. It’s a wonderful feeling when your grown kids call and tell you how great they feel being independent. It’s amazing how many college students and newlyweds don’t know how to cook.

YOUR TURN

What was your breakfast tradition growing up? Who makes breakfast at your house? Do you or your kids have a favorite breakfast? If you have a non-traditional breakfast, what is it?

There are three types of Halloween people. Those who LOVE it, those who hate it, and those who just want to have fun. I’m the latter.

No matter which category you fall in, you can make this holiday memorable by implementing some simple techniques and remembering it’s about love. The more you have fun together, the more your kids will want to play with you when they get older. And that’s crucial in the teen years.

In this blog we’ll cover four tips (and if you know me, you know there will be way more than that) for making Halloween fun even if you’re not really into it.

what will make halloween fun?

The main question you’re asking yourself is: What will make Halloween fun this year? Remember that FUN is the most important word here.

That answer is going to be different for everyone — probably every single year. It depends on your kids’ ages, budget, your stress levels, how much time you have, etc.

You might answer that question with one or more of these ways.

• going to a party
• dressing up
• having a movie night
• going trick-or-treating
• decorating your yard
• carving pumpkins
• playing games at home
• or turning off all the lights and telling ghost stories

However you do Halloween Fun is up to you — and your family. Get their input. Give them your ideas and see what they think. If you have teens and toddlers, you’ll get different answers.

My husband definitely hates Halloween. He knows making memories is important, so he participates in his way. Don’t force your spouse or child to do something they hate but DO encourage them to participate in some form. Let them choose: handing out the treats or wearing a shirt that says, “Error 404 Costume Not Found”.

Pretty creative, huh? He designed that with a bunch of encouragement. Encouragement sounded like this, “I don’t care what you wear as a costume, just wear something. No, really. Figure it out. Put a gumdrop in your navel and go as the gingerbread man.” (It was a block party at the end of the street.) He had fun. And that’s the point, right?

HAVE FUN!

This is probably the most important part. Once you’ve decided what will be fun, you have to remember to have fun.

A Child’s Eyes

Do you remember what it was like to be a child or a teenager at Halloween? Be a child again. Get excited. Borrow your children’s enthusiasm. What part are they looking forward to? At this point you’ve already discussed what you want to do together, so build on that.

Be Present

Even if you have nothing grand planned, be present for your family. Tell them how great their costumes look. My oldest daughter remembers her dad driving the car for trick-or-treating. He’d ask them what they got. Occasionally he’d dress up too, and that was huge. And of course, he negotiated for the best candy.

My kids probably thought I LOVED Halloween. I didn’t. What I loved was making memories and playing together. My Momma made costumes, chili, and homemade root beer. Since I was the youngest, it was usually the older siblings who took us around. But she was present in our joy.

Be Positive

That was my Momma’s greatest trait. She was positive and found a way to make things fun even without money. I don’t ever remember her complaining about what we wanted to dress up as, throwing a party, or that she didn’t want to go anywhere. She made magic out of nothing.

That’s the trick. Validating our kids. When we’re negative or criticize their ideas, it ruins the Halloween fun and creates bad memories. Don’t get me wrong. That doesn’t mean we do everything they want. Acknowledge and redirect if needed. “That sounds like a lot of fun! I bet we could do a haunted house next year. Will you help me plan it? Awesome. This year let’s make something scary for when we answer the door.”

Maybe it’s your spouse that loves Halloween and wants to do all the planning. Support them in a positive way. Find something you can do that will help and show love, even if you’re not really into it.

DON’T STRESS

If you’re stressed out, it’s not a fun Halloween. Everyone can feel the tension and that ruins it. I tend to plan more than I can pull off. What you choose to do depends on many factors: money, energy, time, people’s interest level. Don’t let expectations exceed ability. It’s important to be realistic about how big or small you want to go. Small can still be fun!

Plan Ahead

Having a chronic illness makes it necessary to slow down and plan. It’s a great skill for every mom to have. Delegate, make lists, use your planner to spread the preparation out over time, and remember to be flexible if you have to simplify. Even the small things can be stressful if you’re not prepared.

Do It Different

Whether it’s your own expectations or everyone else’s, stress can climb when pressure is put on you to “perform”. You don’t have to do it like everyone else. Do it different. Be creative and flexible. If you can’t do something, put on your thinking cap and figure out what you can do — or ditch it all together. And BREATHE.

Be Thrifty

Money (or the lack of it) can be a huge stressor. There are many ways to be frugal at this time of year. What do you have laying around the house or in closets that can be used or transformed? Look for decorations and costumes at thrift stores, garage sales, on social media, and on clearance. Most of my costumes are second hand or homemade. My daughter ran to the thrift store and bought a costume for her son on Halloween day. As you can see, he was thrilled.

BE CREATIVE

For me, this is the best part. I love figuring out how to make things fun — especially on a dime. When the kids were little, I made costumes and created jack-o-lantern designs. As teenagers, they still loved to dress up, but wanted more friend interaction. With foster kids, it was a whole new adventure sharing our traditions and showing them how fun it could be — or trying to convince them it really would be fun, not dumb.

Now that my kids are grown, they request a family party each year. Everyone dresses up and has an assignment to make the night fun. I love getting creative in all these settings.

Dress Up

I highly encourage you to dress up with your kids. Dress in whatever you have or plan a theme. Child #1 gets into this more than any other child. Every year she and her husband attend a party and wear something different. Her husband is a great sport with her creativity. Can you guess who they dressed up as each time?

As I mentioned earlier, costumes can be anything. Don’t cause a fight over no costume if they sincerely don’t want to wear one, but with some creativity, you can come up with something they’ll like. If they won’t wear anything, tell people they’re “attitude personified”. One year my son could not decide what to wear so he grabbed a BUNCH of stuff out of the costume box and wore them all. He was the Ghost of Halloween Past. Do you have scrubs? A football uniform? Your high school letterman or cheerleading uniform?

Jack-O-Lanterns

Pumpkin carving is a great tradition. There are a lot of creative designs to choose from. One of our favorite traditions is having a pumpkin carving contest. A few years back, one of our kids announced they were expecting by putting a tiny carved pumpkin inside a large pumpkin. They won they Happy Grandparent Award. This is fun for all ages.

If you can’t stand gutting the pumpkin, there are other ways to create a jack-o-lantern, using real pumpkins or reusable fake pumpkins that won’t rot by the time Halloween Night comes.

• Paint a face with acrylic paints.
• Glue buttons, construction paper cutouts, wooden shapes, spiders, or any other items make a Halloween face. This is a fun craft for little kids who can’t use knives.
• Likewise, you can use foam or plastic stickers to create cool faces.
• Stick items into the pumpkin – springs, tacks, gears, dowels, bamboo skewers, toothpicks, etc. Buy various push in parts to make scary, funny, or entertaining jack-o-lanterns, like this werewolf.

Focus on Fall

If you don’t want to celebrate the spooky, scary side of Halloween, then focus on fall. Use pumpkins, leaves, cornstalks. Have a party celebrating the season and serve apple cider and corn on the cob. Bob for apples, have a chili cookoff, pin the hat on the scarecrow, make caramelized apples, run a gunnysack race, or watch football.

Read picture books about fall.

Decorate without the festivities if that makes you glad. Kids can make fall leaves, create a scarecrow and talk about what they’re for. Find harvest-theme activities to do as a family. Locate nearby farms that have pumpkins and a hayride. Go through a corn maze. Willis Farms is near us, and they have activities all through the month of October.

Celebrate Your Way

You do NOT have to do Halloween the traditional way. Break out of the box and do it different!

Movie

One year, when I had teenagers and young foster kids, I set up our 12 ft outdoor movie screen and travel projector in the front yard with bean bags and lawn chairs. I did not want to get up a million times to answer the door, and I thought it would be fun for neighbors to watch if they wanted. We played “Hocus Pocus”, our favorite Halloween movie, appropriate for all ages. Those who wanted to dress up and trick-or-treat did. Everyone else settled in for popcorn and a movie. My husband and I sat where we could easily hand out goodies to kids.

NOTE: There are a variety of screens and projectors available. I recommend an easy to assemble screen and projector with a good built-in speaker. It’s noisy outside.

You can ditch the outside movie and trick-or-treating all together. Turn off all the lights and watch a film together as a family. If you have teenagers, they can invite friends and watch a horror film. Everyone is safe under one roof.

Haunted House

Last year at our family party Child #5 helped me create a haunted maze in our house. I geared it towards teenagers, but had adaptations to fit any of the little grandkids who wanted to join in. I will be writing instructions for creating your own haunted house, so stay tuned for that. If you’re an outgoing person, invite your neighbors to participate.

Neewollah Party

If you don’t like Halloween, throw a non-halloween party. Get creative and do the exact opposite of Halloween. Spring? Everyone has to dress exactly the same — no costumes, just jeans and a blue t-shirt. Have a BBQ. Play table games or a Role Playing Game (RPG).

Trick-or-Treating Service

Instead of going to people’s homes for treats, what if you took treats to people’s homes? You can “ghost” someone’s door (put a sign that says “You’ve been Ghosted” on the door) and leave them a plate of goodies — knock and run. I’ve included a free pdf for you to use.

If there’s a nursing home nearby, you can bring treats and do a “trick”, like sing a song or tell a joke. If there are elderly people in your neighborhood or someone who is sick and can’t get out much, you can do the same for them.

MAKE MEMORIES

The trick to implementing any of these tips for Halloween Fun is to remember that you’re making memories. Or as my youngest would say, “remembories”. Even when things would go crazy wrong, Child #5 would say, “Hey! We made a remembory.” So . . .

• What will make Halloween fun?
• Don’t Stress
• Have Fun
• Be Creative

You’ve got this!!

YOUR TURN

Which category of Halloween fan are you? What are some of your favorite Halloween memories? If you’re not a fan of Halloween, how do you celebrate with your family?

Compassion is easy to talk about but not always easy to give. As a parent finding and teaching compassion brings peace.

Compassion when the job of parenting gets hard takes work. It’s a skill we need to learn to raise healthy adults. Teaching our children to find compassion when it’s hard, is rewarding. Seeing them show empathy and act on it makes the hard worth it.

In this blog I’ll share two experiences where compassion was taught and then found.

COMPASSION THROUGHOUT THE YEAR

There are times of the year when compassion is easier than others. Christmas and Thanksgiving provide us with many opportunities to show compassion as we give and share. The trick is to make it last all year long: remembering compassion at home with children who try our patience; teaching compassion to children who it might not come naturally to.

In my parenting journey, I’ve had plenty of opportunities to teach this concept, as well as practice it. It’s an eye opener when events transpire back-to-back that “light up” whether you’re living what you’re teaching. Practice makes perfect, right?

THE NEW GIRL

In the last twelve days I’ve taught and then had to live what I taught concerning compassion. I do therapeutic foster care for Native American kids, in case you don’t know. We got a new girl who was pretty shell shocked. It’s not surprising that kids have a rough time being taken from their parents and placed in foster care, sometimes more than once. Those who are leaving the reservation for the first time, especially when it’s unexpected, are obviously in a very traumatic situation.

It was late and this teenager wanted to be alone, so we gave her space, reassuring her that we understood and were there if she needed anything. After a day or two to adjust, kids usually relax some and come out of their shell, especially when there are other foster kids their age, gender, and race. Not in this case.

DIFFERENT PERSONALITIES

We’ve had one girl for several years, and we’re very close. I consider her my daughter, and she’s called a ray of sunshine by everyone who knows her. She’s had a room to herself a lot, so getting a roommate was a drag, even though they are the same age. Added to that, the new girl did not want to talk or interact with anyone. This made for many awkward moments over the next couple days. (Rest assured there were many people involved in helping her to adjust.)

Parents know that every kid is different. Sometimes it just takes longer for some people to adjust than others.

At the end of a somewhat uneasy second day, I asked my daughter how it was going. She shook her head and rolled her eyes. “It’s so weird,” she said. “I’m used to having my own room, and she won’t even talk to me.” A soft growl escaped her throat.

TEACHING COMPASSION

Don’t you think it’s great when the opportunity to teach a concept lands right in your lap? I pulled her into an embrace and said, “I know. It’s really hard. I’m glad you’re there for her.”

I got another eye roll as she backed up. “But I don’t know what do or say.”

“I know if anyone can help her, it’s you. You know what it’s like to have to leave your home — to come live with a crazy white family.” I finally got a chuckle. “Her brother is at someone else’s house. It’s her senior year, for goodness sakes. Who wants to start at a new high school their senior year?

“I don’t know what to say or do.”

“If you find compassion in your heart, you will do and say the kind thing. If you find irritation in your heart, you’re likely to say or do hurtful things.”

“What you need to do is find compassion in your heart. If you have compassion, you will do and say the kind thing. But . . . if you find irritation in your heart, you’re likely to say or do hurtful things.” I patted my chest for emphasis.

Her face softened, and I could tell the empathy was taking over. “Okay, Mom. Thanks.” I got another hug, and the days got a little easier, even if the situation didn’t.

PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH

There’s nothing like having to put into practice what you preach. In more ways than one. Remember when I said in my “Remembering Homework” blog to not take your children’s poor choices personally? Well, that’s not always easy.

We found out that this wonderful daughter of ours made some common teenage mistakes that required some tough love and compassion. (What those mistakes are, are inconsequential. I’m sure you can write a long list of possible infractions kids commit.)

My initial emotions were anger, betrayal, and hurt. The matter at hand was something we’d discussed, and she assured me would never happen. Of course, lying comes into play with most situations when a child is afraid of getting found out. That hurts too.

If you’re in these situations and you find yourself saying, “How could you do this to me/us?” You’re not alone. And usually that first reaction is a little dramatic.

Step away.

Time passes and you think, “Wow. I was kind of emotional over that.” Remember — kids are not doing stuff TO us. They’re just doing normal kid stuff that they have to learn from. Mostly they’re doing it to themselves.

After taking a deep breath, and reminding ourselves of this, we jumped into the teaching phase.

TEACHING WITH COMPASSION

When she was alone with my husband, she said, “Mom hates me now, doesn’t she?” He reassured her that my anger and sadness was due to my willingness to step in front of a train for her but not being able to. (Guess who had to step away for a minute? Okay, it was more like an hour.)

When I had private time with her, I hugged her tightly and assured her that I did not hate her. I loved her and that meant I was hurt and sad over her choices. The cost of those choices was going to make her sad. I don’t want her to be sad. But none of the consequences meant we hated her. Just the opposite. We care enough to help her grow up a little bit more.

Take Time – avoid knee-jerk reactions!

As my husband and I sat alone and discussed those consequences, the most important thing we did — and that I urge you to do — is have compassion. The same compassion I was asking her to find. Use empathy. Why did she do what she did? Did we ever experience that? Do we know how that feels right now? How can we find natural consequences that will help her learn from this? No crazy punishments.

Our hearts filled with love as we put ourselves in her shoes. We found that we completely “got” why the situation created her sequence of choices. That didn’t mean they were excusable, but they were UNDERSTANDABLE (totally wrong, still). The next step was finding ways to help her find better choices next time she was in that situation.

The Pushover

At the same time, don’t be the pushover. Your compassion doesn’t mean you have to get them out of their pickle (totally wrong, still). To learn you sometimes have to suffer. If you prevent the suffering, you might prevent the learning, too. My husband is well-known for trying too hard to soften the blow. He tempers me down, so that’s a good thing.

VERIFY UNDERSTANDING

As each consequence was handed down, we’d ask, “Why are we doing this?” A few times we reminded her that this wasn’t because we’re mad. It had nothing to do with wanting her to suffer. “You made a choice and you’ve lost (blank).” or “You decided to do this, so now we can’t trust that you won’t do that. We have to do such and such to make sure you’re a safe and happy adult soon.”

Yes, there were some serious consequences. I started to list them, but that doesn’t really matter. No one needs to know what she did or what happened because of it. We all screw up, and we all learn from mistakes.

The point is, we each put compassion into practice this month and found peace in doing so. It was an AH-HA moment for me, and I was thankful for it.

LINKS YOU MIGHT ENJOY

Accepting Emotions Is a Step Towards Loving Yourself and Others

Compassion vs. Empathy: What’s the Difference? by Masterclass.com

Why A Compassionate Family is a Happy Family by Today.com

YOUR TURN

Have you ever been in a position where you had to put compassion into play when it was hard? When have you seen your kids show compassion either from a lesson you openly taught or from them watching you model it? Feeling compassion is marvelous. Watching it in action is heartwarming. If you’d like to share a time when compassion was shown to you, I’d love to hear it.