Archives for July 2023

Compassion is easy to talk about but not always easy to give. As a parent finding and teaching compassion brings peace.

Compassion when the job of parenting gets hard takes work. It’s a skill we need to learn to raise healthy adults. Teaching our children to find compassion when it’s hard, is rewarding. Seeing them show empathy and act on it makes the hard worth it.

In this blog I’ll share two experiences where compassion was taught and then found.

COMPASSION THROUGHOUT THE YEAR

There are times of the year when compassion is easier than others. Christmas and Thanksgiving provide us with many opportunities to show compassion as we give and share. The trick is to make it last all year long: remembering compassion at home with children who try our patience; teaching compassion to children who it might not come naturally to.

In my parenting journey, I’ve had plenty of opportunities to teach this concept, as well as practice it. It’s an eye opener when events transpire back-to-back that “light up” whether you’re living what you’re teaching. Practice makes perfect, right?

THE NEW GIRL

In the last twelve days I’ve taught and then had to live what I taught concerning compassion. I do therapeutic foster care for Native American kids, in case you don’t know. We got a new girl who was pretty shell shocked. It’s not surprising that kids have a rough time being taken from their parents and placed in foster care, sometimes more than once. Those who are leaving the reservation for the first time, especially when it’s unexpected, are obviously in a very traumatic situation.

It was late and this teenager wanted to be alone, so we gave her space, reassuring her that we understood and were there if she needed anything. After a day or two to adjust, kids usually relax some and come out of their shell, especially when there are other foster kids their age, gender, and race. Not in this case.

DIFFERENT PERSONALITIES

We’ve had one girl for several years, and we’re very close. I consider her my daughter, and she’s called a ray of sunshine by everyone who knows her. She’s had a room to herself a lot, so getting a roommate was a drag, even though they are the same age. Added to that, the new girl did not want to talk or interact with anyone. This made for many awkward moments over the next couple days. (Rest assured there were many people involved in helping her to adjust.)

Parents know that every kid is different. Sometimes it just takes longer for some people to adjust than others.

At the end of a somewhat uneasy second day, I asked my daughter how it was going. She shook her head and rolled her eyes. “It’s so weird,” she said. “I’m used to having my own room, and she won’t even talk to me.” A soft growl escaped her throat.

TEACHING COMPASSION

Don’t you think it’s great when the opportunity to teach a concept lands right in your lap? I pulled her into an embrace and said, “I know. It’s really hard. I’m glad you’re there for her.”

I got another eye roll as she backed up. “But I don’t know what do or say.”

“I know if anyone can help her, it’s you. You know what it’s like to have to leave your home — to come live with a crazy white family.” I finally got a chuckle. “Her brother is at someone else’s house. It’s her senior year, for goodness sakes. Who wants to start at a new high school their senior year?

“I don’t know what to say or do.”

“If you find compassion in your heart, you will do and say the kind thing. If you find irritation in your heart, you’re likely to say or do hurtful things.”

“What you need to do is find compassion in your heart. If you have compassion, you will do and say the kind thing. But . . . if you find irritation in your heart, you’re likely to say or do hurtful things.” I patted my chest for emphasis.

Her face softened, and I could tell the empathy was taking over. “Okay, Mom. Thanks.” I got another hug, and the days got a little easier, even if the situation didn’t.

PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH

There’s nothing like having to put into practice what you preach. In more ways than one. Remember when I said in my “Remembering Homework” blog to not take your children’s poor choices personally? Well, that’s not always easy.

We found out that this wonderful daughter of ours made some common teenage mistakes that required some tough love and compassion. (What those mistakes are, are inconsequential. I’m sure you can write a long list of possible infractions kids commit.)

My initial emotions were anger, betrayal, and hurt. The matter at hand was something we’d discussed, and she assured me would never happen. Of course, lying comes into play with most situations when a child is afraid of getting found out. That hurts too.

If you’re in these situations and you find yourself saying, “How could you do this to me/us?” You’re not alone. And usually that first reaction is a little dramatic.

Step away.

Time passes and you think, “Wow. I was kind of emotional over that.” Remember — kids are not doing stuff TO us. They’re just doing normal kid stuff that they have to learn from. Mostly they’re doing it to themselves.

After taking a deep breath, and reminding ourselves of this, we jumped into the teaching phase.

TEACHING WITH COMPASSION

When she was alone with my husband, she said, “Mom hates me now, doesn’t she?” He reassured her that my anger and sadness was due to my willingness to step in front of a train for her but not being able to. (Guess who had to step away for a minute? Okay, it was more like an hour.)

When I had private time with her, I hugged her tightly and assured her that I did not hate her. I loved her and that meant I was hurt and sad over her choices. The cost of those choices was going to make her sad. I don’t want her to be sad. But none of the consequences meant we hated her. Just the opposite. We care enough to help her grow up a little bit more.

Take Time – avoid knee-jerk reactions!

As my husband and I sat alone and discussed those consequences, the most important thing we did — and that I urge you to do — is have compassion. The same compassion I was asking her to find. Use empathy. Why did she do what she did? Did we ever experience that? Do we know how that feels right now? How can we find natural consequences that will help her learn from this? No crazy punishments.

Our hearts filled with love as we put ourselves in her shoes. We found that we completely “got” why the situation created her sequence of choices. That didn’t mean they were excusable, but they were UNDERSTANDABLE (totally wrong, still). The next step was finding ways to help her find better choices next time she was in that situation.

The Pushover

At the same time, don’t be the pushover. Your compassion doesn’t mean you have to get them out of their pickle (totally wrong, still). To learn you sometimes have to suffer. If you prevent the suffering, you might prevent the learning, too. My husband is well-known for trying too hard to soften the blow. He tempers me down, so that’s a good thing.

VERIFY UNDERSTANDING

As each consequence was handed down, we’d ask, “Why are we doing this?” A few times we reminded her that this wasn’t because we’re mad. It had nothing to do with wanting her to suffer. “You made a choice and you’ve lost (blank).” or “You decided to do this, so now we can’t trust that you won’t do that. We have to do such and such to make sure you’re a safe and happy adult soon.”

Yes, there were some serious consequences. I started to list them, but that doesn’t really matter. No one needs to know what she did or what happened because of it. We all screw up, and we all learn from mistakes.

The point is, we each put compassion into practice this month and found peace in doing so. It was an AH-HA moment for me, and I was thankful for it.

LINKS YOU MIGHT ENJOY

Accepting Emotions Is a Step Towards Loving Yourself and Others

Compassion vs. Empathy: What’s the Difference? by Masterclass.com

Why A Compassionate Family is a Happy Family by Today.com

YOUR TURN

Have you ever been in a position where you had to put compassion into play when it was hard? When have you seen your kids show compassion either from a lesson you openly taught or from them watching you model it? Feeling compassion is marvelous. Watching it in action is heartwarming. If you’d like to share a time when compassion was shown to you, I’d love to hear it.

Pumpkins are an integral part of Fall decorating. These diy decorative pumpkins do double duty this year for Halloween and Thanksgiving.

In this blog, I’ll show you how I pulled together a variety of fall items I had from last year, and made these classy diy decorative pumpkins that last all season long.

DECORATIVE PUMPKINS FOR HALLOWEEN AND THANKSGIVING

I like decorations that can do two jobs. Storage for decorations is tight, and the budget is usually tighter. So when I found these wooden pumpkin cutouts on Chalk Couture last year, I bought several sets. I just never got around to making them.

It’s time!

Here’s what I used, but I believe in being super flexible. I’ll mention some options you can use, as well.

Supplies

• Pumpkin coutouts
• acrylic paint
• masking tape
• silk screen transfers
• chalk paste
• squeegee
• fall foliage and twine or ribbon or whatever you desire to decorate with
• hot glue and glue gun
• sealer
• paper towels

Wood pumpkin cutouts

I used three diy decorative pumpkins because I had three, but my inspiration piece for the saying pumpkins only had two. Mine measure 10″, 7″, and 4.5″ in height.

One works if that’s what you have. If you’re handy and can cut them out yourself, FAB! If you need to buy them, check out Michaels has 6 inch online. You can also buy thin wooden cutouts and hang them on the wall instead of standing them on a shelf. I wouldn’t be surprised if you can find options at Dollar Tree.

Acrylic Paint

My wood was already painted white, so if yours is bare wood, you’ll need white, orange, yellow, and green. My shades were Jack-o-Lantern Orange, Kings Gold, and I mixed my own green using limeade, jubilee green, and a drop of black because I didn’t have the color of green I wanted. Choose whatever shades make you glad. You could also choose a soft purple or a blue. Those are very popular for pumpkins, as well. You can find acrylic paint at Walmart or any craft store.

Masking Tape

This is for making your straight line that divides your two paint colors.

Jack-o-Lantern transfers

These are silk screen templates. I’m a distributor for Chalk Couture, so that’s who I use. Their collection changes all the time. Sadly, they don’t have any in stock right now, but you can find them on ebay.

Sayings transfers

I have a lot, and the thing I love about Chalk Couture is that you can mix and match anything. You can look on Chalk Couture’s Lookbook for their seasonal transfers, as well as the various categories. The “blessing” I pulled from Fall Blessings, “Grateful” from a Thanksgiving transfer, and “thanks” from their Appreciate It Project. The center divider was from “Bloom”. Ebay has a lot of their discontinued transfers. I reuse them over and over and over, so rest assured you’ll use them for more than one project. It’s the creative part I love most.

Chalk Paste

Of course, I buy mine from Chalk Couture, but I’ve noticed there are other brands on Amazon. I used black and brown (bark).

Squeegee

There are small squeegees for spreading the chalk paste. You can get them from CC or Amazon.

Fall foliage.

A lot of my fall foliage comes from Dollar Tree. In fact, I think everything I used was from Dollar Tree, even the twine.

Hot glue and glue gun.

I have so many of these. I prefer the kind with the trigger.

Sealer

I prefer a mat finish on my projects, but your sealer can be any sheen you prefer.

Directions

Paint the front side of your pumpkin white. When it’s dry, masking tape off the center of one side of the pumpkin. Paint one half of the front, as well as the sides, of your pumpkin(s). After it dries, paint the other side. For mine, I liked the woodgrain to show through. So after it dried a little bit, I took a paper towel and wiped off a little of the paint. You can also water down your paint a little so it’s not so thick.

When your paint is dry, remove the tape. I added a little brown wash to my Thanksgiving side to make it a little more aged/rustic. Add some water to your brown acrylic paint and brush it across your surface. Wait a minute or so for it to soak in, then wipe off as much as you want.

You can hand paint a design down the center or use a transfer design. I think leaves would look awesome. too.

Using the transfers and chalk paste, apply your sayings. I did mine vertical. After about five minutes, they should be dry. Flip over and apply your jack-o-lantern faces. The great thing about chalk couture chalk paste is that it wipes off MOST surfaces if you mess up.

For more information about how to “chalk” and a video with a demonstration, click here.

Seal your project, so the paste will not wipe off, before proceeding.

Decorate with your fall foliage and twine/ribbon. I like to lay several choices out first, just the way I want them, then move on to using the hot glue to secure them in place. I put the twine on last to hide any places where the foliage meets or where the glue is goopy

DISPLAY

I have a million shelves in my house. There’s one particular spot that I reserve for my seasonal chalking projects. Three shelves, three pumpkins. I like that I can split them up and spread the festive feeling through several rooms. Whether you have one, or multiple, I hope you’ve enjoyed this and will soon make your own diy decorative pumpkins. And the best part? When Halloween is over, you flip them around for Thanksgiving!

VIDEO

I am in the process of putting a demonstration video together. Stay tuned if you’re a visual learner.

YOUR TURN

Do you have any questions about the instructions? I’m happy to elaborate, so comment and let me know. Have you ever used Chalk Couture before? What’s your favorite type of fall craft?

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I never understood why meatloaf got a bad rap. The meatloaf I grew up eating was fabulous.

When I went away to college, Momma showed me the basics of making great meatloaf, so no matter what seasonings you chose, you always had a great meal.

In this blog, I’ll show you those meatloaf basics, as well as tips for making it for a crowd, a busy couple, or a college student.

“MEATLOAF IS GROSS”

I have heard this more times than I can count. Not from my kids, mind you, because they never had bad meatloaf. But foster kids, neighbor kids, guests, and my kids reporting to me the comments from their friends BEFORE trying my recipe.

If you look online, you’ll see nearly every comment says something like, “Meatloaf is only good if it’s done right.” I ordered meatloaf at a restaurant once, and it was this slice of thick, heavy meat with no seasonings or sauce. So let’s look at how to make great meatloaf regardless of what flavors you like. If you’re in a hurry and don’t need all the details yet, click here to go straight to my basic recipe.

FIVE BASIC MEATLOAF INGREDIENTS

I have a favorite version of meatloaf, but basically, you can make any combination of flavors with the five basics.

• 1 1/2 lb. ground Meat
• 2 cups dry
• 1 cup wet
• Seasonings
• 2 eggs

That’s it. That’s meatloaf. Okay, it’s a little more complicated than that, but not much. I’m sure you’re saying, “What do you mean dry? Wet? Which seasonings?” I’ll get to that, but just realize, you can make whatever flavor profile you want. AND you can include some add-ins. Basic tomato and onion? Check. Spicy southwest? Check. Asian? Check. Smokey BBQ? Check. When I say seasonings, it CAN’T be just salt and pepper. Well, it can, but then it’s going to be that gross meatloaf I was talking about earlier.

Cooking by the Seat of Your Pants

If you’ve seen any of my recipes, you know I was taught to cook by “feel”. Momma cooked by throwing stuff together and tasting. After a while, you just kinda know. So I’m going to give you some basic measurements, but rest assured they are not steadfast, do-this-or-else type directions. I think the biggest error is when people don’t add enough seasonings to their dishes.

Be brave.

Let’s go through each of these five ingredients:

Ground Meat

You can use whatever ground meat you want. Ground beef, venison, elk, turkey, opossum, whatever. What makes MY meatloaf fabulous is that I ALWAYS use 1/2 a pound of ground sausage. ALWAYS. We’re a hunting family, so often I combine the ground sausage with a pound of ground elk or venison, and it’s not a whole lot different than beef. I use whatever is handy. We like wild game because it’s lean.

If your meat has a lot of fat, it is going to pool around the edges of your pan when it’s cooked. I prefer using a lower-fat content ground meat. Sometimes you can afford what you can afford, though. So don’t be surprised by the fat. Just pour it off after cooking.

Dry

The dry ingredient can be whole or instant oats, leftover cooked rice, crushed up saltines, breadcrumbs, quinoa, you name it. You can’t use uncooked rice or quinoa, though. It has to be cooked. I love this because it’s so flexible with whatever I have on hand. Sometimes you just have leftovers (usually rice) in the fridge that need a home. My most often used ingredient is whole oats, and it’s the favorite of my girls when they make it.

Wet

You can combine whatever wet ingredients make you glad. I grab my glass measuring cup and add whatever flavors I want till it’s at 1 cup. My standard mixture is 1/4 cup(ish) Worcestershire, ketchup, and bbq sauce (Sweet Baby Rays is the bomb). Sometimes I’ll throw in some mustard or liquid smoke. If you want a kick, add tabasco.

The sky really is the limit, though. You can stick to basic ketchup at the beginning. That’s all my mom used even though she’s the one that encouraged me to try various combinations.

If southwest is your thing, then use salsa with an add-in of 4 to 7 oz of green chiles (standard American can sizes as of this writing).

Are you a fan of Ranch dressing flavor? Use that and maybe add a tad bit of sour cream and milk. Don’t make it too watery.

Is Asian your thing? Then make your meatloaf with Teriyaki and soy sauce. Oyster sauce?

Italian? Spaghetti sauce and Italian dressing.

Honestly, don’t be afraid to try new things. Worse case is it won’t be your favorite, and you’ll know you don’t want to try that again.

Seasonings

Naturally, these seasonings are going to compliment whatever flavor profile you’re using. If you’re in a rush, (what moms aren’t?) you can throw in an envelope of onion soup mix. If you want to make your own, I like this recipe because it doesn’t call for any sugar or ingredients I don’t have on hand. I’d use the packet a lot more often, but I can’t remember to put it on my shopping list. Hold on while I add it to my shopping list right now. (No, seriously.)

My standard seasoning combination is:

• 1/4 cup dry onion flakes
• 1/2 tsp onion powder
• 1 or 2 tsp garlic powder
• 1/2 tsp celery salt
• 1 tsp salt or seasoned salt

Remember that these are approximates, because I usually cup my hand and pour what looks right into it. Or even dump right into the bowl. I’d dare say it’s even more onion flakes than that.

I might add some parsley. I’ve used Mrs. Dash. I have a Monterrey seasoning mix I like. You can use Italian dressing mix. These are all a very basic seasoning profile. If you like stronger garlic flavor, add more. I do. You can also use fresh.

For southwest, add chili powder or cayenne. How hot do you like it? Chili flakes. Paprika.

When I’m doing Asian flare, I add ginger to my standard seasonings.

If I want more smokey flavor to go with my BBQ, I might add chipotle seasoning.

Again, don’t be afraid to open your cabinet and go for it.

Eggs

I always use two eggs. I’ve seen recipes with one, and when I was low once, I only used a single egg. But it did not turn out well. It was way too crumbly. Egg is the binder that helps hold it together.

Optional Meatloaf Add-Ins

If you’re trying to get more vegetables in your kids, meatloaf is a great place to “hide” them. Corn and green chilies goes great with southwest. You can finely grate some carrots and throw in. Same with zucchini, but you’ll need to squeeze the liquid off the grated zucchini, because it’s water content will give you mushy meatloaf.

DIRECTIONS

This is easy. Throw it all in a bowl and mix it together. Wash your hands first, of course, but just squeeze and squish and fold together. You can use a potato masher or any other mixing spoon if that grosses you out. But I find that hands work best to get everything incorporated. Kids LOVE to help with this part.

Large Family

If you’re cooking for 6 to 12 people, I recommend placing the meat mixture in a 9×13 or 9×9 cake pan. For easier cleanup, you can line it with tinfoil. I don’t really care for this, simply because sometimes a piece of foil gets served along with the meatloaf. Ick. I don’t like picking it out. Do NOT pack the meat down. This makes it very dense. I also don’t spread from edge to edge. I form my loaf/mound a finger-width away from the edges. This makes for better coverage of sauce and some crispy edges that my family loves.

Generously spread — or squirt in a pattern — the sauce of your choice. (I use both BBQ and ketchup for traditional.) You can leave it “naked” if you like, but it’s not going to be as good. Cover with foil to retain moisture if desired. (I do sometimes, but not usually.) Bake in oven at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for 45 minutes.

Small Family

If you’re cooking for 4 to 6 people, you can divide the meat between two loaf pans (hence the name, meat loaf). As above, don’t pack down, make a nice mound, and spread the sauce of your choice then cover in foil if desired. Bake in oven at 350 degrees for 30 minutes. You can cook both and put one in the freezer (wrapped in foil) after it’s cooled. This is the fastest method for having a second meal. You can also cook one and wrap the other in foil and stick it in the freezer. It’s a little fresher this way, but you have to remember to pull it out of the freezer and thaw in the fridge or with the microwave if you used a glass dish.

Meatloaf for Couples, Singles, or Quick Meals

When I need made-ahead meals, this is a great method. It’s a great choice for having single servings that are ready within fifteen minutes. You can obviously serve a large family this way, too. It’s fun to top these little meatloaf cupcakes with mashed potatoes using a piping bag, to resemble real cupcakes.

Divide your meat into a cupcake tin that’s been sprayed with cooking spray. Because they’re so small and my meat is very lean, I’ve found this makes it much easier to get them out. This recipe will make 12 large single servings. In my prep for this blog, I made 12 medium servings and put the extra in a mini loaf pan. This serving is so small it is going to fill the entire cupcake space. Spread with sauce of your choice. Bake at 350 degrees for 15 to 20 minutes.

After you’ve baked the meatloaf and eaten what you want for that meal, cool the remainder. Put the meatloaf in a gallon-sized zip lock freezer bag. I like to write the date and food on the bag so when I forget about it, I’m not playing “Mystery Meal” later. Place in freezer. As a college student it was terrific to grab one out and thaw it in the microwave, then heat for about a minute or two. I also did this when preparing for a baby to come. I needed easy meal choices.

RECIPE

Ingredients

Directions

Mix all ingredients together thoroughly in a large bowl. Form meat into a mound in a 9×13 or 9×9 pan, keeping a finger-width between the meatloaf and the side of the pan. Generously spread or squirt ketchup and BBQ sauce over the top. Cover with foil if desired. Bake at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for 45 minutes or until done. Makes 12 servings.

meatloaf to the rescue!

I made this recipe several weeks ago for this blog and since there was only three of us eating, the rest went in the freezer. I forgot about it. This past weekend, I had an ME crash. I was on the third day of being down, and although my husband was in charge of dinner that night, he had a very long day and overslept when he should have started. It was almost 8 pm when I remembered the meatloaf. I can’t tell you the relief!

I defrosted the entire bag using the automatic defrost for 1 lb of meat then reheated five of the eight “cupcakes” on a plate at 70% power so they wouldn’t get tough. There was leftover baby carrots from a veggie tray, so I steamed them, draining and adding butter and sugar to glaze. I cut up a crookneck squash that desperately needed to be used and sauteed it, adding Mrs. Dash. It was great, and the entire meal was ready in about 20 minutes. What a life-saver!!

I hope this meatloaf basics blog becomes a staple in making your life easier, no matter what phase you’re in.

Your turn

Meatloaf eaters are in two camps — Love It or Hate It. What camp are you in? Have you tried a recipe similar to this before? If you have a great meatloaf recipe, how is it different than this one? Do you think you’ll try some of the variations? Which flavor profile is your favorite?