Archives for April 2023

5 Valuable Driving Tips for the Nervous Driver

April 27, 2023 Homemaking

You’ve just started preparing for your learners. Or maybe you’ve been driving a while and still find it frustrating and frazzling. Either way, you’re a nervous driver.

There are plenty of situations that make a nervous driver. Maybe a previous accident. Perhaps you’ve ridden with bad drivers that make you nervous. Or you could be like my daughter Allie, who has a few functioning issues she’s had to overcome.

In this post, Allie is going to give some insights and tips for driving or simply relating with your struggles and worries as a nervous driver.

Hi, I'm a Nervous Driver aka Neuroatypical Driver

Hi, I’m Allie, and I’m neuroatypical. That’s a big fancy word for not having normal cognitive/mental functions. Autism and other mental disorders fit under this umbrella term. I have many different disorders; autism, anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and others, it’s easier to use the umbrella term neuroatypical.

I am twenty-three and have worked hard on learning to cope and function in our busy world. As society works on acceptance and accessibility, there are always going to be aspects of life that simply won’t or can’t facilitate those with disorders. The solution is to work on creating systems and tricks for us to overcome certain hurdles.

HURDLES FOR NERVOUS DRIVERS

One of my major hurdles growing up was driving. I didn’t get my license till I was eighteen and felt shame for the delayed start and being a nervous driver. As I look back, I realize, when it came to driving, I was two years behind mentally. When others were getting their license at sixteen, I was mentally fourteen years old. It took me longer to become ready to drive, but I did.

In addition to the delay, there are many aspects of driving that are difficult for the neurodivergent that the average person doesn’t think about. “It should come naturally,” they think. Well, it doesn’t. Parents or teachers often think they’ve covered it. Perhaps it wasn’t said in enough words. There are many aspects that aren’t explained or written down. I will now take the time to share. Here are my 5 tips for nervous drivers.

Tip #1: Stop Lights for Nervous Drivers

These are the worst for nervous driving. When I was learning, I thought these guys were completely unpredictable. Randomly, the light will turn yellow, and I better make that split second decision to stop or go. In my mind, if I got it wrong, it was game over; you DIE! Well, it’s not so dramatic. There’s actually a pretty simple and reliable way of knowing if the light is going to turn yellow soon.

The Crosswalk Light!

Granted, the pedestrian lights are different in every country and city. Some have words, other have figures. There might be numbers that countdown or the hand flashes. I’m going to describe what I experience in Utah, USA. Observe what the lights are like where you live and use them to help you.

As you’re approaching a light, look for the pedestrian signal attached to the pole.

If the little green (looks white to me) guy is showing, the light is gonna stay green; you are safe to go on through.
If the light is the red hand with numbers, check the count. Do your best to judge the distance.
If you think you have enough time, keep going.
If it’ll reach zero (or it’s flashing) by the time you reach where the left turning lane starts, go through. The light will turn yellow, but there’s not enough space to stop, so just go through the intersection.
If it’ll reach zero before you get to where the turning lane begins, you know it’ll turn yellow, and you’ll need to stop.

pedestrian signal for nervous drivers: stop

It seemed so obvious when I finally learned this but hey, it wasn’t in any manual I studied. It didn’t click the times my mom mentioned, “Watch the crosswalk light.”

I can’t tell you enough how much anxious driving this eliminated. It became more predictable and consistent. City driving became easier. Watching the traffic at the intersection became possible because all my attention wasn’t on the light. I could check for pedestrians and red-light runners. It seems so obvious, and maybe you already knew this. Can you imagine how it would feel not knowing that? Nerve racking!

TIP #2: COMFORT IS KEY FOR NERVOUS DRIVERS

This isn’t delved into enough, I feel like. It’s often covered in the manual as a single sentence bullet point, “Make sure you feel comfortable, and your settings are adjusted to your liking.” Well, what does that mean? Like specifically, what are all the things I should adjust? So much nervous driving can be nullified by making sure you physically feel comfortable behind the wheel. It doesn’t matter if the next driver has to adjust their settings. Do what you need to to get fully comfortable. These are the things I adjust:

Windows: Seems like an odd one. It’s important but often overlooked. Make sure your windows are clean. Front, back, and sides. The little specks and splotches are visual static that can subconsciously overwhelm. I wash my windows every time I fill up.
Seat: Should be close enough to touch both pedals but not so close you have to lift your whole leg to switch between. You should grab the wheel without reaching but still be able to fully extend your arms.
Mirrors: Without turning your head too much, you should be able to see to the right, left, and behind your vehicle. If you’re a nervous driver, you should be able to see everything comfortably.
Steering Wheel: Yeah, you can adjust it! Usually, underneath the steering column is a lever. The wheel can be raised or lowered and, in some vehicles, brought closer or farther away. Whatever allows you to sit in your seat with your arms comfortable is the right setting for you. Also make sure you can see your speedometer at a glance.
Seat belt: Another oddball. Seat belts these days can be adjusted for height. At the top of the belt, you can adjust it to not cut into your neck or shoulder. It should rest comfortably across the middle of your shoulder for optimum safety. Here’s how one type of belt adjusts. They’re fairly similar.

TIP #3: GETTING GAS

Another uncovered but essential part of driving. When I ran low on gas, dread would fill me as I was always unsure of what I should and shouldn’t do. Each time I felt like I was missing something, forgetting something, or doing something wrong. It’s actually really simple. The process is consistent, and if things go awry, there are reliable ways to course correct.

Which Side?

First things first, which side of your car is the gas cap and which type of gas? You can always visually check, but on your dash (in newer cars) there should be a little gas pump symbol with an arrow pointing to one side. That arrow tells you which side your cap is on. If you’re driving something older, the pump hose might indicate which side.

Knowing which gas type is quite easy, as well. It’s most likely regular gas and not the green diesel. But you can always check on the inside of the gas cap flap. (That is quite fun isn’t it? Gas cap flap! I keep saying it over and over, and I giggle a little every time. Gas cap flap ooh! What a delight!…. Mmghmm…. anyway) The cap itself might have a label that tells you which type of gas. If it’s not there, you can check the owner’s manual, or google your VIN# and find the specs for your vehicle. This will also tell you if it matters which grade you should use. Don’t worry too much. I pick the one I can afford.

The arrow indicates the gas cap is on the right.

filling gas nervous driver — If the arrow is on the right, the gas cap is on the right.

fuel type nervous driver — Some caps will tell you what type of fuel.

Order of Operations

Park at the pump or wait in line till you can. It is fine to wait behind someone as long as you aren’t blocking the way through for other drivers.
Turn off the car, open the gas cap flap, and get your card in hand.
Open the cap. Some cars don’t have caps, the gas cap flap (I can’t stop) plugs the hole.
Select the appropriate buttons and insert your card when asked. This is where things get unpredictable. The prompts aren’t always the same, and the buttons are often worn down. It’s usually something to the effect of inserting a member card if you have one, select payment debit or credit, insert/swipe card, select the grade of gas, and grab the nozzle.
Grab and insert nozzle. NOTE: a diesel nozzle will NOT fit in a regular tank, if that makes you feel better. There’s no click or snap into place, just put it as far into the gas tank as you can and squeeze the trigger. Take some time to figure out how to fix the lever down into place so you can let go, or just hold on until the pump shuts off. There’s an automatic shut off so you don’t have to worry about overflowing.
Tap off the nozzle in the gas tank to get any droplets out, put it back and then put your cap back on and close the flap with a click.
Receipt? The pump will ask and you can get one or not. No big deal to leave it and go.

Clean Your Windshield and Windows

Sometime before, during, or after you fill up, take time to clean your windshields. It’s a little thing but it’s so nice to see things clearly.

Paying Inside

Say your card won’t work for some reason, or you need to pay with cash. Easy peasy, I promise. Find the number of your pump up above or on the side of the pump cover. Go into the station and let the cashier know you’d like to pay for gas on pump number *insert pump number* with *insert payment option: card or cash*. After the transaction, your pump should have moved onto the next prompt like select grade or lift nozzle. Then just proceed as normal. If you paid with cash and your car fills up before it used all the money — like say you gave a $20 bill and the car filled up at $17.50 — just go back in and ask for your change. They’ll give you back your $2.50.

Ask For Help

If things ever go wrong or you just can’t figure something out, don’t be afraid to go in and ask for help. It’s usually really simple. One time I was confused on why it wasn’t giving me my card back. I went in and the lady kindly let me know it was a problem the machine was having, and she went out and helped get it out. See? No big deal. Just ask for help.

TIP #4: TURNING

Now this one is not as lengthy to go over. I want you to know you can take your time. Like always. Not just when you’re learning but like for as long as you drive. Forever. When you need to turn, take the time you need to turn safely. I remember being so on edge when I needed to turn, thinking everyone behind me was furious that I dared to be in front of them. I’d gun it too fast and feel like I was Tokyo drifting into the street. If I need to turn left and it’s a really busy road with lots of lights, I’ll turn right instead so I can get to a light where I can u-turn safely. In my opinion it’s better to adjust your directions to turn left at a light. If I have to backtrack a little, it’s worth it to feel (and be) safe and sure. Why be a nervous driver if you don’t have to?

I will say this — sometimes, I do take too long to turn. I do. And the person behind me gets impatient and honks. Guess what? I’m fine. Eventually I turn, and the person gets where they’re going, and the day goes. I don’t let their honk affect me. If I take a turn I don’t feel comfortable with, I could get in an accident, and then I would be inconveniencing a lot more people than just one person. So just turn when you feel good about it. Take your time. Don’t worry about the person behind you.

TIP #5: ELIMINATE DISTRACTIONS

This is the tip I feel the most passionate about. In 2021, distracted driving claimed the lives of 3,522 people. I think this applies to ALL drivers but none more so than new drivers and nervous drivers – neurodivergent or otherwise. Your brain can only truly focus on one task at a time. To feel comfortable while driving, that should be the only thing you’re doing. Switching between two or more things isn’t multitasking. You’re doing one or the other. If you are nervous about driving, don’t throw in another thing for your brain to juggle.

Imagine it like this. You’re trying to tread water in a churning sea, struggling to keep your head above water. Now imagine somebody hands you a delicious cookie to eat. Yeah, in normal circumstances this cookie would be delicious, but right now is not the time. You can try and eat that cookie while swimming, but it’s not fun. You keep dunking down and drinking a bunch of seawater. The cookie isn’t very good either. It’s a nice cookie but right now it’s more of a distraction than a delight. This is what your brain goes through when you multitask while driving. It’s too much, and you’re making it harder on yourself. Drive undistracted.

Covering the simple stuff; if you’re chatting with someone while you’re driving and it’s too much at the moment, ask them to hold on while you focus. It’s not rude. If the music or media isn’t to your liking, wait for a light or turn it off until you can fix it. Don’t try to press a bunch of buttons or get your phone to change it. Just wait a bit. If something is sliding around in your car and it’s bad, pull over and fix it. It’ll take two seconds. Don’t try and fix it while driving. And don’t do your makeup or read a book either.

Now the big thing, the number one offender of distracting drivers. The phone. I just decided — period, no matter what — I’m not on my phone in any way when I drive. When I get in the car, I turn on the music on my phone, and that is it. The phone gets set aside and stays there till I turn the car off. And it’s the best decision I’ve ever made for my mental health. I drive confidently now. It helped me not be a nervous driver the most. I don’t answer calls or texts. I definitely don’t go on social media. I don’t have time to check the Gram, ok? I’m driving! Driving is engaging enough.

I don’t even get on my phone at stop lights. Some people reason: “I’m stopped at a light. I’m not driving. It’s fine.” Here’s why I don’t get on my phone even at lights.

Looking at my phone forces my brain to switch gears when I need it to stay in the groove of driving with confidence.

My brain has warmed up, it’s stretched, it’s running this race, and it’s found a steady pace. I’m not about to ask it to stop and play chess for two minutes. It would throw it off its game entirely. I don’t want to do that. I know it sounds dramatic, but it’s honestly a very minor thing. I sit at the light and enjoy my music and watch for the light to turn green. A perk of that is I don’t ever miss the light turning green, and I don’t have to have that awkward moment of holding up the line of cars behind me or … even worse … having someone honk at me.

THAT'S A WRAP

Those are my 5 tips for nervous drivers. They seem simple enough, maybe even obvious, but I think they’re worth spelling out. I hope they help you feel confident behind the wheel. At the very least, I hope you don’t feel alone as a nervous driver. It’s normal, and it’s totally overcomeable. (That’s a word now.) Give it time.

It took me twice as long to learn how to drive, and twice as long again to get comfortable or confident. Even now I’m a nervous driver at times. I still hate the freeway and will double my trip time to avoid it. See? I’ve still got lots of growing to do. I give myself the grace to keep practicing at my pace. You give yourself that same grace. Thanks!

YOUR TURN

Are you a nervous driver? What age did you get your license? Do you fall into the category of a neurodivergent? What are some of the driving struggles you’ve had, and how have you overcome them?

DratherB Reading Book Club #1: The Magic Garden by Gene Stratton Porter

April 25, 2023 Reading

Gene Stratton-Porter was a feminist, naturalist, novelist, photographer, and movie producer in the early 1900s. Have you ever heard of her?

Think of David Attenborough, JK Rowling, and George Lucas all rolled into one. Gene Stratton Porter was way ahead of her time. It is a joy to present her to you.

This post will introduce you to Gene Stratton-Porter and her final book, The Magic Garden.

My Introduction to Gene Stratton Porter

I was around ten years old when my mother read Gene Stratton-Porter’s book The Magic Garden out loud to us in the evening. Momma had already instilled in me a wonder of nature, compassion, and love. This book wrapped all those things into one, and I became a huge fan. Any time we’d go to a thrift store, I’d scour the used books searching for Gene Stratton-Porter titles: Laddie, The Girl of the Limberlost, Freckles, Keeper of the Bees, etc.

Years later, with the introduction of Ebay, I continued my collection, and I have every one of her fiction novels (several copies in fact) and continue to collect her other works. Reading in my great grandmother’s journal, I noted that she specifically recommended people read Gene Stratton-Porter’s books.

Have you ever buried your nose in an old book? It is the most wonderful smell. (Heck, if my husband wore “Old Book” cologne he’d get lucky every night.) Mrs. Stratton-Porter’s books are most definitely old. Her first novel, published anonymously in 1893 was The Strike at Shane’s. The first published under her name was Song of the Cardinal in 1903. The Magic Garden was her last, published in 1927 after her death.

Who Was Gene Stratton Porter?

Birth

Geneva Grace Stratton, born on August 17, 1863, was the last (by six years) of Mark and Mary Stratton’s twelve children. Raised on a 240 acre Indiana farm with babbling creek, orchards, gardens, and a tunnel they dug to assist in the underground railroad, her early years were spent working and running free on this farm. She grew to love and care for God’s creatures – especially birds. Being tamed to attend school was difficult for her, but once she realized there was no escape, she became a wonderful (yet precocious) student.

Childhood

At eleven, her mother came down with typhoid fever, and they had to leave the farm to live with her married sister’s family in Wabash. Four short months later, her mother passed away. Life in the city was an adjustment, but she excelled at school and her love of writing “mounted to fever heat. She neglected everything else and wrote.” (from “The Lady of the Limberlost” by Jeannette Porter Mehan) Her love of birds was such that she would take the ones she was caring for to school with her in cages.

Marriage

In April of 1886, she married Charles D. Porter, a wealthy businessman thirteen years her senior. She kept her last name, adding her husband’s. This was not common since women had very little rights, but Gene was not the ordinary woman. Before their marriage, she had made it clear how she felt about the restrictive trends surrounding marriage in that era. They had one daughter, and Gene pursued her love of nature and exploring along with caring for her home and family. She carried a camera and a gun into the Limberlost swamp.

Writing & Photography

When Jeannette was old enough to go to school, Gene began writing articles in secret. She’d send photographs and natural history hints to an outdoor magazine until editors finally accepted her work. This success led to her first nature book and subsequent fiction novels. According to the Smithsonian Magazine, only 55 books published between 1895 and 1945 sold upwards of a million books. Gene Stratton Porter wrote 5 of those. Her books dealt with many social ills of the day, including homelessness, abandonment, and divorce.

Gene Stratton-Porter book, Keeper of the Bees — Keeper of the Bees

It amazes me that her name does not appear on the top lists of authors in that time period, since her books were translated into many languages including braille, and it is estimated she had 50 million readers worldwide. In a book written by her daughter, Jeannette, it is said that she was not accepted by the literary establishment because she was “ungrammatical” and “. . . they accused her of writing ‘sugary romance,’ of idealising her characters until they were unnatural, . . .” Gene Stratton-Porter did not bother with their critique. She knew how sordid and corrupt the world was and decided to write stories that helped people rise to a higher ideal. People of all backgrounds adored her writing — from the banker, to the housewife, to the man in prison.

You can read and listen to many of her books for free, as they are public domain and have been uploaded to many libraries. She has twenty-six published books.

Nature Conservationist

Gene loved the Limberlost swamps of Indiana and wrote of them in her stories. As the land was drained and trees cut for lumber, in 1917 she became a conservationist and joined the movement to save wetlands. She also joined the movement to protect the elk in Jackson Hole, Wyoming from extinction.

Gene Stratton Porter Productions, Inc.

Several of her books were made into movies, but she was not happy with the outcome. They did not stick to her novels. That sounds familiar, right? After moving to California in 1919, she developed the first production company owned by a woman. She hoped her films would be shown in schools and churches as she firmly believed that moral goodness is closely tied to communion with nature. Eight of Gene Stratton-Porter books have been adapted for film. The Girl of the Limberlost has been adapted for film four times, the latest being 1990. There are very few films remaining today. You can watch some of them on YouTube, like Laddie.

Gene Stratton Porter’s Death

Gene Stratton-Porter died in 1924 after the car she was riding in and a streetcar collided. Her right side had been crushed. She was burried in Hollywood, CA, but in 1999 her grandsons had her remains, as well as their mother, Jeannette’s, moved to the Gene Stratton-Porter Historical Site at Sylvan Lake, Indiana.

Gene’s two former homes were bought by the state of Indiana and registered as a State Historical Site to honor her work and tell her story. New York State honored her by planting 10,000 trees along Lake George. Sixty-eight years after her death, the restoration of the Loblolly Marsh, the heart of the Limberlost she loved, wrote about, and tried to save in 1917 began.

Gene Stratton-Porter personally answered every single letter from her fans, because she considered them friends and family. She is a wonderful example of following your dreams and making the world a better place.

The Magic Garden

The Magic Garden is a short book of 181 pages. It begins by introducing us to Amaryllis, a darling but naughty five-year-old who, because of divorce, is left in the care of her mother, which actually means a team of household hired help. Her mother prefers the company of wealthy men in far-off countries.

Her brother, Peter, was awarded to her Father. He is equally alone, but twice as bitter since he has been alone twice as long as Amaryllis. He is unkind and finds great pleasure in taking out his anger on her.

To pass the time, Amaryllis has her chauffer take her on long drives in the countryside, where she can see nature and other children playing. She longs for the kisses and attention they receive. One day, she sees a perfectly lovely creek. She convinces her chauffeur to pull over and roll down the window so she can listen to the laughing brook. There are fields of grazing sheep, and the sun is warm. The chauffeur dozes off and Amaryllis takes the opportunity to run away.

A boy mimicking the sounds of nature on his violin finds her. She tells him he can call her Little Hungry Heart and convinces him no one in the world cares that she is gone. John Guido’s dad, an artist, is away on business, so he takes her home. (A neighbor lady helps tend her.) For three days he shares his enchanted world, where grass and flowers and animals are loved and grow free. He showers her with the tenderness and love she misses. She dances in the moonlight to his songs on the violin. Eventually, she tells him her name, and he shows her the flower she is named after.

At the end of three days his dad returns, and like any responsible adult, calls the authorities. Her father, Paul Minton, is heart sick at her disappearance, thinking she has been kidnapped. He gets custody of her and vows to make things right.

As the years go by, Amaryllis eventually learns to trust and love her father, but longs to be reunited with Jonny Guido – the first person who ever loved her. Her rich father locates him, but they have gone to Europe. Paul Minton secretly buys the art that finances John Guidos lessons, clothes, and lifestyle. Amaryllis oversees the improvements to their home in their absence.

You’ll have to read this book to find out IF they’re ever reunited. I know you’re thinking they are, so I won’t say anything about the yacht. You’ll have to read and see what happens.

I absolutely adore this book that started my obsession with Gene Stratton-Porter. I hope you do too.

Your Turn

Here’s how the Drather B Reading book club works. Read the book and leave your response to the discussion questions in the COMMENTS. You can get the kindle here for 99 cents. The Internet Archive has an archived copy you can read for free. To get an original, you’re going to spend a pretty penny — but they smell fabulous! and they’re an investment. If you have not yet read the book, don’t read the comments unless you want spoilers.

What did you think of this book?
Do you think divorce in 1920 is much different than divorce these days?
Do you think the chauffer is at fault for letting Amaryllis run away?
What do you think would have happened to Amaryllis if she hadn’t run away?
Although it doesn’t say how old John Guido is, I believe he is between 10 and 14. Does it seem strange to you that love (innocent but love none the less) can develop at this young age and span?
Paul Minton asks Amaryllis about how naughty she used to be, and she answers, “I was starved so near to death that it made me cross and fretful, and I was so lonesome that I screamed just to hear the sound of my own voice.” In my life I have seen many Little Hungry Hearts and have done my best to feed this starvation of love. Is there a part of the book that was specifically touching to you?
Eventually, Amaryllis secretly goes to Europe to watch John Guido play his violin for large crowds, but she resists the urge to talk to him. Do you think this is realistic? Would you be able?
Amaryllis arranged for Peter and John Guido to meet. They go off on the Minton yacht together. Amaryllis is left with quite a decision when the yacht goes down in the ocean — to go to her Father or the Father of John Guido. Do you think she made the right decision? What would you have done?
In this story, Amaryllis, Peter Minton, and John Guido each make small decisions that alter the course of their life. Have you ever had one small decision alter the course of yours? Did it turn out good or bad, and would you have changed anything?

3 Motivational Strategies to Help You Start Writing

April 20, 2023 Homemaking

You love writing. You’re not sure how to start writing, or even IF you should get started.

Maybe you’ve waited a long time, or you’re beginning early. Either way, you’re determined to start writing immediately. It’s a pursuit that will bring you immense joy as well as huge frustrations. Welcome to writing.

In this post, I’ll discuss three motivational elements that will help you start writing today.

Backstory

Although my dream of writing began many, many years ago, I didn’t start writing seriously until ten years ago. This article will share what I’ve learned, in hopes that it will be a motivating element to get you started. (It doesn’t even have to be writing. Whatever your dream is, the three elements are the same.) My experience is that the struggle is easier if you know you’re not alone.

My love of reading and writing led me to freelance editing in 2012. A year later, a friend approached me about editing her elderly father’s self-help manual he’d written for his family. They struggled to understand it and thought that maybe a little editing would clarify his concepts. After reviewing the manuscript, I realized it needed a rewrite. He was not up for the task alone, and I was asked to coauthor the book. Out of love for my friend, an interest in the subject matter, and my deep love of writing, I agreed. This was the catalyst that started a three-year writing process.

STARTED WRITING

In 2016 we self-published, Soaring Mind Power: A Guide To Generating Powerful Ideas for Extreme Productivity. I learned a lot about myself and my writing ability. My confidence soared. It took five more years, however, to follow my dream and begin the process of writing the picture books I dreamed about 25 years earlier.

The great thing about the book Soaring Mind Power is that it has many tools to help you set goals and overcome obstacles. As you may have guessed, the second purpose of this particular blog is to tell you about this book. It truly was my first chance to start writing. I use the tools I learned through this book almost daily in my writing endeavors. I know it can help you, as well, and that’s what I love about it. If you’d like to purchase this book, you can follow the link above. We do profit from that purchase as it is our creation.

Love to Write

As I’ve discussed before, I loved writing from an early age. This is the most important element to being a successful writer. Whether you get published or not, whether you write as a hobby or as a profession, whether you write for a church newsletter or help your children write their school essays – it’s all about your love of writing.

I guess since you’re reading this article, you’d like to start writing seriously: for a blog, children’s book, or novel. It doesn’t really matter. You need to ask yourself if you love writing enough to do it every single day or at least week after week.

A second question is what do you want to write about? Do you love one genre over another: fiction, nonfiction, children’s, adult? As long as I was writing, it didn’t matter, right? After three years of working on a project, I learned I did not LOVE non-fiction, but I do love teaching and sharing. You should write what you love. It might take a while to figure that out. I convinced myself I couldn’t write a novel, but after a mentor said I have a great middle grade voice, I found I really do love it. The only thing I thought I wanted to write was picture books. I also never dreamed of creating a blog. But here I am.

Now that I’m writing a blog, and I HAVE to narrow down what I’m writing about, what do I want to tell everyone? What is my passion? People and self-improvement. What is your passion? Is there something you could write about endlessly and never tire of? When you determine that, it’s much easier to start writing.

The moral? Be patient with the journey, because it might change over tim

Find a Catalyst to Start Writing

SERENDIPITY

Sometimes the catalyst to writing lands in your lap, like Soaring Mind Power did for me. Editing makes my heart sing (I will be writing posts about that later) and that was truly the catalyst — my link to start writing. Taking someone else’s words and rewriting or tweaking until it shines — oh my gosh — I love it so much!!! When one opportunity slides into another, take advantage of it without second-guessing if you can. My biggest obstacle is doubting my ability. “I don’t know how to write a how to book.” That’s why having a coauthor was great. I added my ability to his. Don’t let those serendipitous opportunities pass you by.

ORGANIZED CHALLENGES

My mentor gave me a challenge to start writing a middle grade novel using my picture book as the catalyst – four paragraphs (just four). I doubted myself, of course. I always told myself I couldn’t write a novel — “I don’t have the imagination to come up with that long of a book.” But it was my homework assignment, and I could NOT let this mentorship opportunity pass me by. The next day I would get back to my picture books. Low and behold — I rocked it! (a page and a half of words) In November, I joined my WIFYR group and did a version of the NaNoWriMo challenge (30k words) to write the rough draft of my first middle grade novel. Take the challenge!

SELF-ADVOCATE AND Begin Writing

Of course, you can always create your own catalyst. If you’re in high school or college, join a journalism class or the yearbook club. Write for the school paper. Seek out opportunities to write. The more you do, the better you’ll be at it. No matter what you’re doing, you can find occasions to create content. Find a small paper looking for volunteer writers. Submit articles for the editorial section of a newspaper. Comment on someone’s blog. Start your own blog. The more you write the better you write. Learning to self-advocate is important. If you come by this naturally, awesome. Some people, like me, have to learn this skill.

Follow Your Dream

IDENTIFY THE DREAM/GOAL

The first step to following your dream is to identify it. What is your big dream and what are your goals to reach it? For Larry and I, it was to have our book available for our family and others to utilize. We worked on it for three years and submitted queries to many publishers. Our desire was to be traditionally published because neither one of us had the time, energy, or knowledge to handle the marketing side of publishing. After many attempts to make that happen, we decided self-publishing was the best way to achieve our main goal. If it didn’t make big sales, that was okay, because our family knew how to get it. I have more time and knowledge now, so hopefully this book can reach and help more people.

Here are some examples of my dreams/goals. I want my children’s books published. In two years, I’d like my blog to be making a five-figure income a month so I can travel one week a month or three months a year. What are your dreams and why are they important to you?

SET MINOR GOALS

Next, identify minor goals to make that dream happen. For example, taking some classes, joining a writing organization, finding a critique group, and setting aside specific time and place to write each day. Your main and minor goals are going to look different from mine. Take some time to write these down where you can see them, because a goal not written down is just a wish.

PLAN FOR OBSTACLES

There are going to be many obstacles and frustrations along the way. Can you identify some ahead of time? As they come along, do you have a strategy for handling them? Who can help you? Where are the resources you need? What steps will you take when you face rejection? Don’t get discouraged. Make an action plan.

CREATE AN ACTION PLAN THAT GETS YOU WRITING

Now write down your action plan. What are you going to do and how. Here’s my sample.

WIFYR and SCBWI are two organization I joined, and I take part in their online support and webinars as well as attend conferences that improve my writing skills, when possible. I found courses that teach me to be a better blogger. With the help of an alpha and beta readers, I will identify where my writing can be stronger. At times of discouragement or when I need more information, I will contact my writing/critique group. When I am too sick to write, I will listen to my body and rest — writing from bed if needed. If I cannot find an agent or publisher, I plan to self-publish. Throughout the day, I will read the positive affirmations I have placed throughout my house to remind myself that “I am a writer”.

ADJUST WHEN NEEDED

The last step is to adjust your writing strategies when needed. It’s a good idea to analyze if your plan is actually working. If it’s not, then be flexible enough to switch to a plan B (or C or D or E). I think the area I’ve had to readjust to the most is where I write. I have switched locations twice because of lighting, heating, and privacy issues. Sometimes we have to adjust when we write. As we get to the phase where we’re sending out query letters, it’s important to analyze whether our method and content is really working or not. As hard as it is to admit something isn’t working, it might be just the thing we need to succesfully follow are dream

Now Start Writing

The best time to get started is now. Sadly, I waited 16 years before I embraced my passion for words and another nine before I began my real dream of writing picture books. Don’t wait that long. Use these motivational elements to help you start writing today.

Your Turn

What’s your dream? If it’s writing, what stage are you in, and what will you do to start writing? What obstacles are blocking you? Is there someone who can help you? Would you like a free copy of the Soaring Mind Power form “Seven Stepping Stones to Goal Achievement”? Contact me, and write 7 Stepping Stones in the message and I’ll email you the PDF.

Campfire Desserts & Snacks Your Kids Can Make

April 18, 2023 Homemaking

Camping as a family is fun. One of our favorite parts is the food, and that includes campfire desserts. Roasting marshmallows is a time-honored tradition that even the youngest like to do.

With care and supervision, there are quite a few campfire desserts that even small children can help prepare. When kids are involved, they’re more likely to try new things.

Make your evening around the campfire memorable for everyone with these campfire dessert recipes.

Making Everyone Happy

Every year we have a family reunion camping trip. Food is always a GIANT part of that. I got on Marco Polo and asked everyone about their favorite camping desserts — specifically those that children can help with. The number of grandkids is growing, so you have to be prepared — and I thought it would make a great blog post.

The fifteen-minute conversation went from s’mores to packets you can throw in the fire to change the flame color, to using burned out Christmas lights, to growing a third eyeball from eating marshmallows cooked over chemicals, to superhuman powers (including the ability to see in 16 colors not available to the human eye) and getting sued by Marvel for using the name Cyborg instead of Shrimpman (because shrimp can see those 16 colors). *gasp* Our family reunions are not boring.

The reason this post includes snacks and not just desserts is because “not everyone likes desserts, and you just as often eat food around the campfire that aren’t technically desserts.” I’m a people pleaser. Isn’t that what desserts and snacks are about — making everyone happy?

With that being said, kids love being involved – even the three-year-olds. If they can’t do everything, they can at least do part. I’ve written these recipes with suggestions for how to involve kids of all ages and skills. You are the best gauge of your kids’ ability. Let go of those control issues if you have them (hey, don’t call me out) and let them make a mess and have fun making these yummy campfire desserts.

The Right Campfire

The thing you have to remember about cooking on a campfire, is having the right fire. Not everything calls for the same amount of heat: some need a flame and others need coals. Most of these recipes need coals. To learn about different campfires and their purpose, check out this post.

Here’s a quick video on how to build three different types of fires. We usually use the teepee or three-legged fire, because it gets coals the quickest. If you want a campfire that lasts awhile and you’re not in a hurry, I like the log cabin.

Safety

I’m sure this goes without saying, but I’m going to put it in here anyway. Please watch your kids around the fire. Trips to the emergency room make for a horrible camping trip.

Wear shoes. Spark will pop out of the fire ring.
No running. Let’s be honest; you’re not going to keep your kids from running outdoors, so here’s what we do. Make a circle of camp chairs around the fire. The kids can run around outside the chairs, but once they’re inside, they must walk.
Remove logs, roasting sticks, toys, or any other tripping hazards from around the fire ring. Lean the roasting sticks on the outside of that camp-chair ring.
Sticks belong in the fire. No whipping burning swords through the air. Every kid wants to hold a stick in the fire. Even the adult kids. Fine. But it stays in the fire.
Supervision. Although they scream and want to do it alone, there are some parts of these recipes that need an adult’s help. Be strong. They’ll figure out they’re not going to win if they want dessert. Parenting is not for wimps.

Our Favorite Campfire Desserts

There’s always the easy, go-to campfire desserts our family turns to every time. We know we like them, so why try anything else, right? Most of these require either a roasting stick or some sort of tin foil. Remember to get roasting sticks that are SUPER long — at least 36 inches. You want your little ones as far from the fire as possible. The durable roasting forks are kind of pricey if funds are low, but they last forever. You can also cook a lot – marshmallows for 6 s’mores at once, or two servings of the fruit kebabs.

Roasted Marshmallows

Purists are happy with a simple roasted marshmallow. No need to get all fancy. One ingredient and that’s it. There are a variety of opinions out there, however, of what makes the perfect mallow.

ASHES: My husband loves them burnt to a crisp. Stick it in a raging fire. When it’s alight, pull it out and extinguish the flames. Personally, that’s gross. But to each their own.

RARE: Some folks hold the mallow close enough to the heat/fire to get it brown as quickly as possible without it catching fire and they’re done. They like their marshmallow still firm in the middle, so it has some substance. (They’ve probably never had a perfect mallow.)

PERFECT: I bet you can’t tell how I like my marshmallow. The perfect roasted marshmallow is golden brown on the outside and gooey and hot on the inside. To obtain this heavenly deliciousness you have to be patient. You need coals for this. No flame. If the “Lord of the Flames” keeps adding wood to the fire, pull some of the coals to the side, or find a place you can hold your roasting stick close to the coals but not the fire. Keep the marshmallow between 3 and 8 inches from the heat — depending on how hot they are. Go slow! Turn it around and around. It will turn golden brown and double or triple in size. That’s when you know it’s ready!!

FOR KIDS: Let kids do as much as they can. A two-year-old can put the marshmallow on the stick. Help them hold it in the right spot. Depending on the age of the kids, you may or may not get the perfect roasted marshmallow. Remember, it’s about the experience. Put your little ones between your knees and let them old the stick, but don’t be surprised when it hits the ashes or bursts into flames. Be ready for older kids to start waving their edible torch around. Ummm, no — be ready to blow the fire out.

S'mores

Everybody knows the s’more. If you don’t, it’s two graham cracker squares with a PERFECT roasted marshmallow and Hershey chocolate bar layered between. The reason you need a perfectly roasted marshmallow is so that it will squish down and melt the chocolate. Avoid a major melt down (and I’m not talking about

chocolate) when on the first bite, the graham cracker breaks and all the ingredients fall into the dirt. TIP 1: Be sure your chocolate is at room temperature and not straight out of the cooler, plus get that marshmallow lava hot so it melts and sticks everything together. TIP 2: If you’re new to s’moring, don’t remove the marshmallow from the roasting stick with your hands — after placing the chocolate on the graham, use the bottom and top grahams to trap the marshmallow and then pull the roasting stick away. TIP 3: Have washcloths or wipes available for sticky hands.

CHANGE THE CHOCOLATE: Don’t be afraid to be creative with this recipe. Buy a variety of thin chocolate bars to mix up the flavors: Reese’s Thins, Hershey’s Cookies ‘N’ Cream, Mr. Goodbar, Rolos, or any of the fun size variety pack.

ADD FILLINGS: Fruit is a great filling: raspberries, sliced strawberries, blueberries, etc. Other fun add-ins are chopped nuts, Heath or Butterfinger bits, and shredded coconut.

CHANGE THE COOKIE: You do not have to use graham crackers. I suggest sticking to thinner cookies. Somoa Girls Scout cookies or Keebler Coconut Dreams are fabulous! Fudge Stripes, shortbread cookies, Oreo thins, or any cookie you love will work.

FOR KIDS: Have the ingredients ready. Kids can help break graham crackers in half, unwrap candy, put ingredients in containers for quick access, etc. Have them assemble their cookie and chocolate on a paper plate (or adult’s knee) ahead of time with any add-ins. That way when the marshmallow is roasted, you’re not scrambling to get everything ready and risk your marshmallow falling in the dirt. (Guess how I know this.)

Campfire Cinnamon Rolls on a Stick

Child #3’s husband introduced us to many delectable campfire desserts. His family uses 1/2 inch wooden dowels (they’re easy to turn and for little hands to hold onto), so that’s what we purchased, but you can use the bamboo sticks, too.

You will need:

Roasting stick, but not from a tree unless you whittle the bark off.
Refrigerator biscuits
Butter – melted or softened for easy spreading
Cinnamon sugar (this can be in a shaker bottle or in a bowl with a spoon)
Butter knife or basting brush

Instructions: Roll a biscuit between your prewashed hands, making a long, thin snake. (You can immediately tell which kids have not washed their hands.) Fold one end of the biscuit over the dowel and begin wrapping around dowel, pinching the dough together at the beginning. Spiral the dough around the dowel, stretching as you go. Keep the dough close together so no dowel shows. Pinch the end of the dough firmly together. If you don’t, it comes apart and unravels into the fire.

Hold the biscuit over coals and turn slowly. If you can hold your hand over the heat for 3 seconds, that equals approximately 350 degrees Fahrenheit, which is what you want. Cook until golden brown and not doughy, approximately 5 minutes-ish if the dough is thin. If your fire or coals are too hot, the dough will burn before the center gets cooked through.

Spread butter on biscuit with a butter knife or basting brush. Sprinkle with cinnamon sugar

OPTIONS: This is one of those campfire desserts that has many substitutions, like refrigerator cinnamon rolls and top with the icing that it comes with. Jelly or honey would taste great. You can also mix your cinnamon into brown sugar and sprinkle or roll the biscuits in that. I want to try a crescent roll and fill the inside with raspberries and canned whipped cream. I’ll let you know how that goes. ENJOY!

FOR KIDS: All ages can roll the biscuits. The younger kids aren’t going to be able to wind it on the dowel, but a compromise might be having them hold it while you roll. Have them help spread butter and sprinkle the cinnamon. TIP: put your cinnamon sugar in a shaker bottle (I upcycle spice bottles.) Ask older kids for ideas about what versions they’d like to make. They enjoy having a say in what happens.

Great Campfire Desserts We've Tried

The following campfire desserts are ones we’ve tried but not as a family — like at youth camps, outings with friends, etc. Some of these we’re using at our family reunion this year. (Sweetie, if you’re reading this, I’ll make someone else bring the bananas so everything in the camper doesn’t smell and taste like banana. I got your back.)

Banana Boat

Banana boats are a s’more and banana split hybrid. For a classic banana boat, you’ll need:

Heavy duty tin foil
Bananas
mini marshmallows
chocolate chips
crumbled graham crackers

The basic concept is to combine sweet with melting with crunch. Let your imagination go wild. Consider mixing and matching the following ingredients.

SWEET:

chocolate chips

butterscotch chips

white chocolate chips

dark chocolate chips

dried cherries

dried mangoes, diced

MELTING:

mini marshmallows

peanut butter

caramel sauce

strawberry sauce

Nutella

marshmallow cream

CRUNCH:

graham crackers

candy coated chocolates

sprinkles

Heath bar bits

shredded coconut

chopped hazelnut (or other nut)

INSTRUCTIONS: Divide aluminum foil into 12x12ish inch squares. Slice down the center inside curve of banana with skin still on and pull slightly apart. You can even remove that one section of skin. Place on foil. Fill the banana divide with desired ingredients. Bring edges of foil together and roll/fold until it is a tight package. Place packet in the coals of the fire to melt your toppings. If you don’t have coals yet, you can place the foil packet on top of a grill over the flames. Remove with tongs after several minutes — when banana is soft but not incinerated. Let cool a little. Unroll the foil to reveal your dessert and enjoy!

FOR KIDS: Except for the fire element, kids can pretty much do this one on their own. A plastic butter knife will even cut the banana if they have the dexterity to manage that. You might have to help some, depending on the age — like 3 to 6 years old. Be super careful with the hot foil.

Campfire Cone

This is very much like a banana boat. Cones are even easier for little kids to do because there’s no cutting involved. You don’t even need a spoon to eat it.

INSTRUCTIONS: Fill waffle cone with your favorite combination of ingredients: sweet, melty, crunchy. Fold inside tinfoil, place in coals or on grill. Remove after 3 to 5 minutes. See above FOR KIDS.

Roasted Fruit Kebab . . . Kabob?

Making fruit kebabs is not unusual, but my daughter was with friends who did this treat over a campfire. I also found it on REALTREE and they include marshmallows, but they don’t use the glaze.

36 inch long bamboo roasting sticks
Your choice of cubed fruit (make sizes similar)
honey thinned with lemon juice
brown sugar (optional)

INSTRUCTIONS: stick fruit on your roasting stick in any order you desire. Baste with honey mixture and roast over the fire/coals. When it’s lightly browned/carmelized, use a fork to slide fruit into a bowl. I like to sprinkle brown sugar over the top. I chose pineapple, pears, strawberries, and apple. They turned out fabulous. I made a pineapple spear without the lemon/honey or brown sugar, but it wasn’t as good. So I recommend that!

FOR KIDS: Older kids can help peel and cube the fruit. Everyone can make their own kebab with their desired fruit. Let little ones practice their hand-eye coordination threading the fruit on the stick. They may need some help if they’re not strong enough. Careful with the sharp end. They can baste and then get help holding it over the fire. Kids are more likely to try new foods if they help make it.

Fruit Bombs

This tasty dessert can be pretty messy, but it’s a fun take on roasting marshmallows. Child #3 uses strawberries, but you can use grapes or cherries. Wet fruit won’t work because the marshmallow cream won’t stick.

strawberries
marshmallow cream
chocolate syrup
optional coatings include shredded coconut or chopped nuts

INSTRUCTIONS: Cut the stem off your strawberry. Dry strawberries (or other fruit) really well. Put one strawberry on roasting stick. Dip in marshmallow cream. You might need to spread it. Roast over coals until desired gooey/brownness. You can roll in coatings of your choice before or after roasting. Remove from the stick and drizzle with chocolate sauce. Here’s a great little video I found by Outdoor Boys, demonstrating the technique. (He has 10 great recipes (including those cinnamon roll biscuits on a stick, so go to YouTube to check him out!! Cute family.)

FOR KIDS: Most kids can do this on their own. If they’re 3 to 6 they might have trouble getting the strawberry on the stick. You could hold the jar and help control the marshmallow swirling.

Campfire Snacks

Not every after-dinner campfire treat has to be sweet. Child #4 does not care for sweets. She made the suggestion I include campfire snacks. Her favorite is . . .

roasted Little Smokies

This tradition has been going on at my husband’s family reunions for as long as I can remember. While some are roasting marshmallows, others are roasting little smokies — smoked cocktail weenies. Simply stick several on your stick and roast. Crackers and cheese pair really well with them.

FOR KIDS: This really isn’t any different than roasting hot dogs. Most kids can handle this. Just make sure they don’t burn themselves taking the weenie off the stick.

Campfire Popcorn

We LOVE popcorn. Just because we’re camping, doesn’t mean we should be without it. I have a campfire popcorn popper that we started out with over twenty years ago. But my favorite popcorn popper of all time is the Wabash Valley Farm’s Whirley Pop. I have used it for years to make amazing popcorn on the stovetop. I’m thrilled to find out that they have a campfire version. Guess what my next purchase is. Wiki.ezvid voted it number one of campfire popcorn poppers. Here’s a link to get it on Amazon. (I do not get any compensation for your purchase.) If you’d like to check out other options, here’s Wiki.ezvid’s top 5.

INSTRUCTIONS: We like a lot of oil, so we use about 3 tablespoons. Add 1/3 cup popcorn kernels (can vary depending upon the size of your popper). You do not need to preheat the oil or pan. Place over flames or coals. Shake forward and back while popcorn pops. This should take 2 to 4 minutes. Done when the popping slows to a couple seconds between pops. If you wait too long, it’s going to burn. (Then my husband will love it.) Pour into large bowl. Don’t serve out of hot pans. (Just CMA.)

We like to flavor our popcorn with various seasonings. In fact, I carry ranch seasoning in my purse for when we go to the movies. The mini jars are perfect for camping because they don’t take up much space. There’s sweet or savory to please every camper.

When I was young, my mother made popcorn nearly every Sunday. If we were lucky, she’d make caramel popcorn. There are so many great popcorn recipes. I love going to Allrecipes, and they have 25 Flavored Popcorn Recipes you should check out.

FOR KIDS: Let them pour in the oil and popcorn. If the handle is long enough, they can help you hold it, but I would totally control this portion. Let them put their own seasoning on or make some of the other add-ons, depending on the recipe you’ve chosen.

On Your Mark, Get Set . . . Camp

I look forward to another great camping season and getting out into nature with my kids and grandkids. Be safe and remember to make some great memories along with great food. I hope you enjoy trying some of our favorite campfire desserts.

Your Turn

Do you enjoy camp cooking? What’s your favorite recipe? Are there some great campfire desserts we haven’t mentioned here? I hope you’ll share a memory with me. If you have any tips on improving my recipes, I’d love to hear them.

8 Reasons For Having Animal Friends In Your Life

April 12, 2023 Homemaking

I know there are many considerations when deciding to bring animal friends into your life: financial responsibility, time commitment, lifestyle, etc. There are many things weighing into your choice.

Maybe you’ve had animals before. Maybe this is your first experience. Regardless, this is not a decision to be made lightly.

This post will list the benefits of having animal friends as part of your family.

My Best Friends Don't Wear Pants

I can only remember a few times in my life when I have not had an animal friend, aka pet. Those times stand out because I could not wait until I was in a position to bring one home. I must have been around three years old when I remember going with the family to see my dad’s horses. I even remember their names: Barleo, Cinco de Mayo, and Chico. We also had a little dog named Tiny. I can’t wait to write about my childhood experience with her puppies.

The first dog that was my very own was a “Lassie dog” — rough collie. If you were a 70s child, you know all about Lassie and why a little girl would want one. We lived on a three-acre farm, and I wanted a Lassie dog with all my heart. We could not afford this breed, but my mother said if I really wanted one, I should pray and ask God, If it was a good decision, God would provide. I prayed, Mom scoured the classifieds hoping for a miracle, and that very week she found a gentleman trying to rehome his collie, Ginger, for a very reasonable fee. The day she came to me was the happiest day of my seven years. (My brother Rick will claim she loved him best . . . and he’s not wrong, but she was still mine.)

Since that time, I have owned numerous cats, dogs, parakeets, sugar-gliders, hamsters, guinea pigs, chickens, rabbits, and horses. All animals are glorious, and I would have one of every kind — even snakes — but I love my husband, so I try to limit my obsession. He’s an amazing sport. As of this post, I have two cats, one English Bulldog (who’s expecting puppies — one of which we’ll keep), two roosters, ten hens, and two horses (although, there are four in our pasture).

Do the Advantages Outweigh the Disadvantages?

Bringing animal friends into your life is a pretty serious commitment. I have made the mistake of getting an animal just because I desperately wanted one. When I went to college, I was lucky I had family to take my cat. I got sugar-gliders not understanding the amount of bonding time they required and how that would take away from my young family. Some animals are a huge financial burden, and I have had to seriously consider whether I could afford them. I do not regret any animal I have ever had, but I do wish I considered all aspects of the decision.

8 Benefits of Having Animal Friends

The following are eight benefits of having animals that make living without them impossible for me. See if any of them apply to you.

1. Love and Companionship

Without a doubt, this is my number one reason for bringing animals into my family. Their outpouring of love fills my heart and soul to overflowing. Maybe it’s because I love them first, but they possess an unconditional love that far exceeds humans. I’ll admit small children exhibit this, as well. Time and time again they trust and love even when you get after them.

You might say, “How can a horse show love?” When I got my first horse as a 4-month-old, he was barely weaned. He was afraid and avoided my touch. Every day I worked to gain his trust. On the third day he walked up to me and placed his forehead on my chest. We’ve had an amazing bond ever since.

"Animals are such agreeable friends--they ask no questions; they pass no criticisms."

George Eliot

English Novelist and Poet

Our pet’s companionship fills a void that can exist even when surrounded by people. I’m never alone when my furry friends are with me. My daughter said it wonderfully, “I can always count on Daisy (her dog) to be sweet. I can always count on her to be available for my love and attention. I know what she needs and when she needs it and there isn’t much more than that; the consistency of need is wonderful.” Do you notice how that need goes both ways?

2. They Make Us Better Humans

Having pets is a great tool for teaching life skills, whether we’re trying to develop these attributes in ourselves or our children.

The care of pets requires a great deal of responsibility. They need to be fed and watered, groomed, exercised, and looked after.
Being responsible for an animal teaches compassion and empathy. Many pets are smaller and need protection. Animals can be afraid, and we understand that feeling.
We recently got a kitten and it’s a great opportunity to teach the toddlers to be kind. If they’re not soft and tender, they see how the cat runs away from them. They want to hold the cat, so they learn to be gentle.
If you’ve owned animals before, you know how much patience they require. They make messes, require training, and need things when it’s inconvenient. They don’t understand human rules, so patience is a must as they learn.
Social skills make life easier. We need them at home, at work, and in our communities. Animals provide a great way to meet people and practice talking. Whether you share your common interest in animals or you’re telling someone about your animal friend.

3. Pets Comfort Us When We're Sick or Depressed

True, your goldfish is not going to cuddle up with you when you’re sick in bed, and the last thing you want is your alpaca camped out in your living room binge watching Marvel movies with you when you’re feeling down — although it might make you laugh and that isn’t all bad. In fact, having to go out and feed the horses and chickens when I’m feeling crummy just adds to the misery. But — and it’s a big BUT (I like big buts and I will not lie) — dogs and cats are amazing at sensing when you’re ill and cuddling with you. Why is that?

Dogs hear and smell at a far greater ability than humans. They can tell when our chemical balance is off. Some can sense blood glucose levels or even detect cancer. Crazy, huh? I have a grandpup who knows when I’m in or gearing up for an ME crash. He doesn’t want to leave my side even when my son is calling for him to come. He looks back and forth at us, trying to decide what to do. Regardless of why, having a snuggle buddy makes you feel better. Which leads us to the next benefit.

4. They Improve Our Health

There’s a reason our animals make us feel better when we’re sick and in pain. When we cuddle, stroke, or interact with animals our body releases oxytocin. This calms us and makes us feel better. It also blocks pain receptors. Our blood pressure lowers, our heart rate decreases, and our breathing slows. These things are good for our health. This is also beneficial when we are struggling with depression and anxiety.

If we’re under stress, animals benefit us in numerous ways. We might cuddle and get that oxytocin release. Or maybe they make us laugh. You know you love to watch the videos of animals and their crazy antics. Laughing is great for our health. It strengthens the immune system, circulation, increases oxygen to our heart and muscles, helps us deal with tough situations, and improves our overall mood.

Most animals require us to exercise. Whether we’re taking our dog for a walk, riding a horse, feeding goats or chickens, or simply playing on the floor with the cat, it’s movement that benefits our body.

We get a squeeze of hay (between 64 and 68 bales of three string) four times a year for the four horses. Moving it all into the hay shed is a lot of work. It’s delivered in a stack that’s probably 12 or more feet tall, and we have to throw the bales down and stack it in our covered shed-out.

I’m sure you can think of other activities (at yoga anyone?) that we do with animals to keep our bodies strong.

5. Animal Friends Give Us Purpose

There are times in our life when we want to give up. For me it’s chronic illness (M.E.). The elderly may feel like they’ve lost their usefulness. People suffering from great tragedies, who have lost their way might think life isn’t worth living. Traumatic injuries create side effects that leave people struggling to keep fighting. Animals create an opportunity to bring purpose back into life. As we’ve discussed, they need care. They become the reason to get out of bed, the “thing” that is worth living for, the therapy that brings motion back into weak limbs. The smallest of animals can bring about enormous amounts of happiness and fulfillment. Check out this amazing article and the comments that share real-life stories.

6. They Also Fulfill A Purpose

I grew up watching Sesame Street in the 70s. Rest assured, you’re going to hear references to this show throughout drather B. A video clip that brings back memories any time working dogs is mentioned is “I’m a Hard Working Dog.” Now, you might be tempted to watch a only a few seconds, but I challenge you to watch the entire thing. My love of words was very much fostered by Sesame Street. The lyrics are fun.

Dogs have many jobs in this world. In our part of the country, everyone has a cattle dog. There are several goat and sheep ranches that have livestock guardian dogs. It used to be that service dogs were mostly used for the blind, but there are service dogs for multiple purposes these days. My daughter’s dog helps her with anxiety. Dottie, our Jack Russell mix that passed away this fall, was the best mouser EVER. The week before she died, she caught four mice. She couldn’t jump, and she couldn’t run. But she could find a mouse and had lightning-fast reflexes. We have a new kitten that is proving to fill that role quite nicely.

Horses gather cattle, transport supplies, and carry police officers. Mules transport tourists down the Grand Canyon. Equine therapy is a powerful tool in helping adults and children alike who have a variety of impairments.

Not only do animals give us purpose, but we give them purpose and fulfillment in their lives.

7. Animals Connect Generations

My mother didn’t really care for animals much. I know that sounds strange with as many animals as we had. She said, “I don’t necessarily like animals, but I like kids — and kids like animals.” We felt the love of our mother through the various animals we had. I think the only animal she really bought for herself was a canary that sang at the top of its lungs . . . while the vacuum was going.

I have found that when it feels like there’s a giant gap between my kids and me, the animals are a great way to build a bridge. When you don’t know what to do, a pet can open the communication. Standing face to face and talking is HARD for most people, especially if you need to discuss something sensitive. But if you say, “Hey, let’s take the dog for a walk,” or “Help me get the eggs. Let’s see how many we got today,” you’re busy doing something that keeps your hands and eyes busy, but your mouth can still talk. Kids feel safer saying what they feel if they’re not being stared at or pressured to make eye contact. I remember my dad saying once that he had some great conversations with his dad when his head was buried in the flank of a cow, milking.

Last month I took Blossom, our English Bulldog, to a breeder. Over the week, the breeders teenage daughter assisted him with the draws and A.I. sessions. They shared how she’s learning the trade, and it’s a family business. They raise other animals together through 4H. They’re an incredibly tight-nit family, with his mother even involved with the younger kids

I know in my town, and many places throughout the United States, generations of families raise and show animals. They take care of these animals like they’re family. Grandparents pass on their knowledge. FFA, 4H, and other programs connect generations in the pursuit of loving, caring, and learning about animals.

8. They Provide Us With Many Products

Our animal friends provide us with many products. When we raise the animals and enjoy the blessings of what they give us, it creates an additional bond. I’m thankful every day for eggs my chickens produce — espcially when you couldn’t find any on the shelves. I call them “my ladies”.

Cows and goats give us milk. When I was six, we had three cows on our farm. My dad and teenage brothers milked them morning and night. I guess we needed three because with four brothers each drinking a quart of milk at breakfast each morning. We made our own butter and whipped cream, too.

Alpacas, sheep, and llamas give us wool. Lotions and soaps made from goat milk are very popular. My dad kept bees. I don’t know if you consider those animals, but he had a love and connection with them. He rarely got stung. What better friends than those who return your love with products you need, right?

Can't Live Without 'Em

Animals are a major drather B for me. I can’t imagine my life without them. Do they make me frustrated? Yep. Do I want to ring the cat’s neck when it’s clawing the furniture two feet away from its scratching post? Without a doubt. I wonder what to do with them when I travel, and it’s a headache to set up house sitters. But I remember the few times when I was without a critter, and the advantages, for me, far outweigh any of the inconveniences.

Your Turn

What do you think? Did you grow up with animals? If you did, what’s a favorite memory? If you’re considering getting an animal, what are your pros and cons? Did this post bring up anything you hadn’t considered? Is there an animal you dream of getting? I look foward to reading your comments.

4 Factors for Finding a Fabulous 4th of July Celebration Destination

April 7, 2023 Homemaking

The 4th of July Celebration is much anticipated at our house. The weather is warm. There’s family, food, and festivities. We look forward to our local rodeo these days, but it used to be the parade when our kids were little.

Through the many stages of life, there are a few constants that make the 4th of July celebration a memorable experience. Parades, BBQs, games, outings. No matter what, fireworks are a big part of that.

As you plan your 4th of July celebration, consider traveling to a destination that includes great fireworks, a small town, water, and of course patriotism.

MEMORY-MAKING 4TH OF JULY CELEBRATION

For any event to be considered successful, it’s got be memorable. (Thanks for sharing that, Captain Obvious.) I asked family, friends, and readers, “Where have you experienced the best 4th of July celebration/ fireworks? And why?” The answers were varied, but I noticed that the most memorable and favorite holidays fit into four categories.

GREAT FIREWORKS EXPERIENCE

When you talk about the 4th of July, the first thing people think of is the fireworks. I’ve been to some clunkers as well as jaw-dropping spectaculars. Amazing 4th of July celebration destinations MUST have a great fireworks experience.

Early Memories

My earliest memory of Independence Day was in Layton, Utah. I was five years old. It seems our house on Church Street was walking distance to everything. The parade was a short way down the street. I adored horses, so that was my favorite part, of course. The marching band, flags, candy, and decorative floats created an air of excitement. I don’t remember a bbq or any other events.

However, at the end of the day our very large family walked with blankets in hand to the high school football field. Or I think it was the football field. I suppose it could have been a park with a large lawn, but the five-year-old part of my brain thinks it was the football field. (Feel free to correct me Kathy or Brian or Mark or anyone else who was old enough to remember accurately.) We spread the blankets out.

Mom had us lay down on the blanket and watch the sky above us. And then the most glorious thing happened. The sky exploded in color! Sparkles floated down, and I was sure I would be able to reach up and touch them. Over and over. Red, blue, purple, green! Circles inside circles. Giant fans of brilliant shades. Booms, large and small. Pops and bangs. Oooohs and Aaaaahs! I’ll never forget that holiday.

Senses Overload

Great fireworks require a full-body experience.

We moved to Kanab, Utah when I was 15. It’s a favorite destination for lots of people, I have found. The rockets glare, bursting in air (that sounds familiar) light up the vermillion bluffs at the north end of town and reflect back in your face. The boom echoes off these cliffs, and you can feel it through your entire body. Acrid smoke and a slightly metallic taste fills the air, reminding you of fireworks past. Goosebumps cover your skin. I’ve never been to a firework display that has quite the same effect. Readers agree that the fireworks in Kanab leave you spellbound like when you were a child.

A friend of mine reports that Joplin, Missouri has a spectacular show as well. The free event is held at the MSSU stadium and a local radio station curates the experience. A lot towns and cities do this, and music definitely add a wonderful element to a show, especially when they’re done well. Who do you think does a great musical firework display?
During the COVID 19 pandemic in 2020, my daughter went up into the foothills of the Salt Lake Valley. She and her husband found a place where they could be relatively alone and watch a multitude of firework displays at once. Five? Seven? Ten? More? That would be an incredible site even if you couldn’t see or hear the repercussions of the blasts. How many other places can you get this visual effect? Comment and let us know.

The great thing about being a grandma is planning where to take my grandkids to the next breathtaking fireworks and giving them the same experience I had growing up.

SMALL TOWN VIBE

Most everyone who responded to my question agreed that Independence Day in a small town is worth traveling to. Because I’ve lived in several small towns (in Arizona and Utah) and prefer smaller crowds, I tend to agree. Whether it’s Utah, Arizona, Oregon, Mississippi, or Michigan I’m sure the experience is much the same.

There are morning flag raisings, a town pancake breakfast, arts and crafts booths, an afternoon BBQ, foot races and other games for the family, food vendors, and of course, a parade.

Prescott, AZ boasts the World’s Oldest Rodeo. Although we didn’t attend the rodeo, we spent one Independance Day there, and the activities at the Town Square were fun for the entire family – from age 2 to 62.
In Kanab, you get to see the parade TWICE. It goes from east to west down one side of the road, performs a U-turn and travels back in the opposite direction. Utah towns are very similar. My sister says she has traveled to Huntsville, Utah from Arizona numerous times because it’s the best 4th of July celebration she’s ever been to.
The travel channel recommends Bend, Oregon as one of the best small towns to visit for the 4th. They host a pet parade as well as an old-fashioned celebration at Drake Park that is said to be straight out of a Norman Rockwell painting.
USA Today, Travel Channel, and Reader’s Digest have all voted that Boyne, Michigan is one of the best small towns in America to enjoy the 4th of July. They brag the “Best 4th in the North” with rubber duck races, multiple parades, and food galore from morning til night.

Your definition of small town might vary depending on where you’re from, but I highly suggest you check one out this year. Have you been to a small town Independence Day celebration you’d recommend?

BRING ON THE WATER

Water recreation is one of my favorite dratherB. Whether you’re fishing, playing in the water, or watching the firework’s reflect for the 4th of July, it’s a great place to be. The ocean, a lake, a river – it doesn’t matter. My readers have named some great spots and traditions.

Lakes

I love this amateur recording of the fireworks over Lake Eufaula in Oklahoma. The reflection is beautiful and spontaneous. I think I’ll put it on my dratherBtraveling list. The 4th of July Celebrations in this area of Oklahoma sound fabulous.
Another reader said her favorite was on a boat in a lake in Granada, Mississippi.
Get on the water at Hubbard Creek Reservoir in Texas. My cousin Cindy says, “Park the boats, anchor, tie off to each other. Good music and fireworks right overhead. It’s a great time to spend with family, reflect on our country, and celebrate American culture.” Well said, Cindy.

Rivers

4th of July celebration on the river — Snake River, Idaho

All along the Mississippi River you can enjoy fireworks. LaCrosse, Wisconsin throws a five-day Riverfest from June 30 to July 4. It is voted the best place to watch fireworks from multiple places on the river.
Travel Magazine voted The Snake River in Idaho Falls as the Best for Grandest Event Performance and Display by River. Their innovative pyrotechnics and moving soundtrack are enhanced by the river and rugged mountains.
There’s no end to the partying in New Orleans, Louisiana, and the fireworks are enjoyed from numerous places along the river, as well.

Oceans

Numerous readers responded that viewing the fireworks over the ocean is the best memory for them.

I have many cousins who listed Coronado Island in San Diego as their most memorable 4th of July location. Instead of foot races, there are swimming races, and the Navy Leap Frog Aerial Demonstration sounds fantastic. There are numerous firework displays over numerous bays in the area.
Harbor Uplands, Seward, Alaska sounds like the perfect place for night owls to watch a firework display since it’s nearly midnight before it gets dark there in the summer. With its boat parade, Mount Marathon race, and historic town it’s another place on my dratherB traveling list for sure.
The oldest continuous 4th of July Celebration is held in Bristol, Rhode Island. Like Alaska, its spectacular harbor fireworks display adds to the town’s wonderful traditions and events for every member of the family.

Patriotism At Its Finest

My husband’s best friend lives in Mississippi. For 81 years, Vicksburg, Mississippi didn’t celebrate the 4th of July. But you can bet they do now. Like other cities across the U.S., Vicksburg has historical reenactments as well as concerts and the fireworks are “shot off a barge on the river. You sit on a hillside above it, and they go off close in front of you. You can feel the repercussions.”
Some of my readers have been to army bases for the 4th. At Fort Huachuca in Sierra Vista, Arizona the army band plays along with the fireworks. It’s one thing to have fireworks set to music, but to have our service men and women actually playing along touches the patriotic heart strings like nothing else.
I’m told the best fireworks ever is in Boston, Massachusetts with the Boston Pops Orchestra. You know it’s good if it’s broadcast on TV. With 800,000 people in attendance that would be quite overwhelming for me. But I’m sure it also adds to the excitement in the air. The historical significance has to pump the patriotism through the roof.
I haven’t been anywhere that feels more patriotic on a daily basis than Colonial Williamsburg, Virginia. Their 4th of July is filled with reenactments from morning til night culminating in a Lights of Freedom firework display celebrating the American Revolution.

I could go on and on naming the places I’ve been told about and researched. Moab, Utah — Flagstaff, Arizona — Keystone, South Dakota — Travis Airforce Base — and so on. Traveling is a dratherB I haven’t been able to do as much as I like. I hope you’ll share your favorite 4th of July celebration destinations with me, so I have some great places to go.

YOUR TURN

What is your most memorable 4th of July celebration? Have you seen fireworks that were better than anyplace else? Do you have a small town you’d recommend? Which do you prefer – land or water for your celebrations? What makes the 4th of July patriotic for you? Is there something you just can’t do without — a parade, a food, a location? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Fake Cakes at 51: An Interview with Voni Kinderknecht of Bogus Bakery

April 3, 2023 Homemaking

Following your drather B might not happen right away. Sometimes those dreams sit on a shelf for years. For Voni Kinderknecht, they sat on her bakery shelf until last year when, at the age of 51, her love of cake decorating led her to open her fake cakes bakery, called Bogus Bakery.

Fake cakes, donuts, cookies, and other desserts look realistic and are great way to decorate your home, stage real estate, or enhance a photo shoot. You might be surprised at the many uses Voni has come up with for faux food.

Meet Voni and learn about her journey of jumping into a new adventure. Chronic illness, cPTSD, and a busy family life could not stop her from pursuing the desire to work from home using her talent as an artist to create fake cakes.

Her courage inspired me. I hope you come away inspired as well.

LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO THE QUEEN OF FAKE CAKES

Voni, the Queen of Fake Cakes — Voni Kinderknecht, the Queen of Fake Cakes

Voni and I met our Junior year of high school, in Kanab, Utah. I don’t remember having a lot of classes together, but we did have PE one year where we choreographed an aerobics routine — think 1980s headbands, leotards, and scrunchy socks. After school we both worked at the grocery store bakery. She was way more artistically talented, and I marveled at the incredible cakes she created, especially for weddings. I asked her to demonstrate how to make roses once, and I couldn’t believe how fast her fingers moved, rolling the nail between her fingers and forming the delicate petals.

We graduated and went our separate ways. She eventually married the assistant baker and moved to Arizona and then Colorado, but her friendship has always been like a warm place to fall. If there’s anything I can say about Voni, it’s that there’s nothing fake about her – except her fake food art. You can find her on Facebook, Instagram, Tik Tok, and Etsy. I assure you, I’m receiving no compensation for this post, and Voni did not ask me to spotlight her. She truly has been an inspiration, and I want you to know her — even if you never buy anything from her. Let’s get on with the interview.

Tell us a little bit about yourself.

I have a tremendous love for learning . . . artistically and educationally. I have always loved creating beautiful art for others. Nothing brings me greater joy than to see the smile on someone’s face after receiving a piece of art. I love watercolor, mixed media design, doodling, drawing, photography, and cake decorating. I have finally found a job that encompasses all of these and really love what I do.

At 22, I was diagnosed with CFS, and later Fibromyalgia. Many years later, I learned my condition was caused by having cPTSD. Bob and I raised four beautiful children and now have seven grandchildren all under five. Bob has always made sure I was able to continue my education: astronomy, watercolor, and coaching classes. I have had to do it all a little at a time. My health hasn’t allowed anything different.

One class at a time, I got certified in Marriage, Family, and Human Relations. I have spent the last four years in treatment for my condition while going to school. I am super passionate about my family and working hard on ending unhealthy generational patterns by changing the only person I can change — myself. All of these classes have actually helped tremendously in working with customers and challenges that have come up.

I forgot you were also diagnosed with ME/CFS. The long hours are a killer. I feel it mostly in my arms and neck, so I can’t imagine doing all the piping and intricate work you do.

My arms, legs, and neck are affected. When I first started decorating, it was hard. I have gained strength in my hands and forearms, and it has become easier. I work hard trying to keep my body relaxed. This equals energy. I set a ton of boundaries on who is allowed in my space because I have a narrow window of tolerance before I freeze up and shut down. Occasionally I go down [and then] my son has it mostly under control. Self-care has become extremely valuable.

We worked in a bakery as teenagers, and you were decorating cakes then. When did you learn this skill?

I was around ten years old when my grandmother started teaching me. I would make up a batch of icing and practice at the kitchen table for hours. I still take classes online to learn new techniques. When I first applied at the bakery, I wanted to be a cake decorator. I was hired to package rolls, bread, cookies, and to wait on customers. I would fill in for the main decorator when she was gone.

Have you worked as a cake decorator since high school?

I worked for Bashas in Arizona, strictly as a cake decorator. I have done many wedding cakes over the years for friends. Most of them were my wedding gift to them. Of course, I’ve done many family events.

When did you come up with the idea for Bogus Bakery and making fake cakes?

I was working in an office job and hated it. I actually prayed and asked God to help me find a job that would allow me to use my creativity and still produce an income. I also prayed that I would be able to better connect with my daughter. Within five days, Jessa (the daughter) reached out to me with an idea for a job. She told me about faux food art and told me that she would help me get started. I got so excited. I made a bunch of fake cakes for a photo shoot for her business (clothing line) and in return she helped get my first photos shot and my store opened. I didn’t hesitate because it was exactly what I prayed for. March 1 was the first anniversary for BB with an online site.

The name is fabulous. Did you come up with it?

Jessa and I bantered back and forth until she suggested this name. I loved it.

Do you have a crew, or do you make everything yourself?

I make everything myself. I am just now in a place where I can hire someone to come in and help with a bit of housework. My son Cody is still in training phase.

Do you have a studio, or do you work from home?

I’m actually just finishing my new studio which is in our home. For the first year, I did this out of our dining room and kitchen.

What’s been the hardest part of starting this business?

We had family move back in with us which made it difficult to keep my business organized and clean. We have a small home so we were pretty much cramped for a while.

It takes time to build a business. Everything in the first year was reinvested to grow the business. Don’t plan on making a huge income the first year. By remembering this, I was able to keep going.

What’s the most rewarding part of making fake cakes?

Creating and hearing how happy everyone is with their products. I just love the joy others feel.

How many hours a day/week do you spend creating?

I honestly haven’t tracked them. When you’re doing something you love it doesn’t feel like you’re working. It’s very relaxing. Except January and February kicked my butt. I got sick during the biggest season of the year in my business. I worked well over 40-hour weeks and had to rest between every order. It was pretty rough. I had to shut down for a week to catch up on orders and give myself some recoup time.

What do you use to make everything look real?

I have a ton of cake decorating and art sculpture tools. I use tons of toothpicks for a variety of things, a couple of different clays, several types of paint and art mediums, and a few different home building compounds. I try not to give away all my trade secrets. haha All the various art classes I have taken over the years have actually helped hone my trade.

Do you make everything from scratch or buy items already made?

I do both. I order in most of my sprinkles now. Sometimes you have to ask yourself how much your time is worth compared to what individuals want to pay. I order in fruit. I now make my own raspberries. All of my cakes, cookies, donuts, cupcakes, and pies are handmade. I’ve learned how to make my own conversation hearts, chocolate kisses, chocolate bunnies, and chocolate chips, graham crackers, teddy grahams, macarons, marshmallows, etc. I try to mass produce when I work on things to keep stock on hand. I use a lot of molds, too.

What’s the craziest material you’ve used?

Aluminum foil and wire is really great for sculpting certain shapes. For example, the gnome hat on this cupcake.

What’s the most unique fake cakes item you’ve been commissioned to make?

A replica of a birthday cake for a deceased infant. The mother was so touched by the gift. She can pull the cake out each year on her birthday and remember her.

How often do you make fake food props for companies?

I don’t always know when it’s for a company. My best seller item is the custom order. In the last three months I have completed 175 [custom] orders. Many fake food props go to models for photo shoots, some have gone for movie and filmed music sets. I had one go to New York for the set design of the Nutcracker Ballet. A few restaurants have bought my fake cakes for window displays. I have replicated several original desserts and cupcakes for display. I believe I have done 18 exact replicas. They were very happy with them.

What is your favorite fake food decor item?

My favorite fake food decor item is my cupcake containers. This is something I came up with on my own and is completely original. It’s always fun to see the surprised look when I grab what looks like a real cupcake and pull the top off to expose a container large enough to put a small treat inside. When I sale at shows, I have to keep a stash of candy on hand, as I get some really upset individuals when they discover they aren’t real and can’t eat it. People take their desserts pretty seriously. I have prevented some near melt downs by having candy on hand.

What advice would you give someone – young or old – who is considering going after their dream?

Dreams more often than not aren’t just handed to us on a silver platter. Just because something doesn’t come easily, or may cause some discomfort, doesn’t mean it isn’t the right thing to do. Be willing to fail several times, put in the work to get better, take the class, and chip away at it.

YOUR TURN

Share in the comments below: Do you have someone who inspires you? Are they a friend or family member? Maybe they’re someone you’ve read about. If you have a story or someone you’d like me to highlight — someone who has made their drather B shine — let me know.